CAUTION: Woman In Progress

I've got a lot rattlin' around in the ol' noggin this morning. So much to think about, to worry about, to pray over...So much making my spirit restless and my soul weary. I'm basically a mental mess. I can't talk about it to anyone so I'll leave it here just to get it out of my head and into the world...or the void, as it may be. A couple weeks ago my sisters and I had a "sisters" day, enjoying lunch, doing some window shopping at a new vendor mall, grabbing iced coffees at a local coffee shop and just doing the talking and hanging out that sisters do. Somehow the conversation got on to Sis1's (oldest sis) "ability to hear" or her intuition or whatever. She claims that the night Mama died she heard Mama come to her and say "I love you. It's going to be alright" or something like that. She said when she talked to her therapist about this she said she wondered why Mama came to her and not to Sis2 or me and her therapist sugges...

For years I had a love hate relationship with Mother's Day. It was such a stressful day for me, truly. All the planning ahead figuring out what to cook, the preparation, and then the cooking and cleanup afterwards. It wasn't that my sisters didn't help, they contributed food, but as the lone single, childless sister the bulk of the responsibility fell on me. And they're mothers, too, so I didn't feel right asking them to do too much. I did it because I love my mama and my granny and sisters. I did it because it made me feel useful and gave me a way to participate in a holiday that didn't belong to me, no matter how much Libby felt like my child. I did it because I was afraid if I didn't, no one else would and Mama deserved better than that. Before I took over planning and cooking there were several Mother's Day where no plans were made until the day of because Daddy isn't a planner. Oh, he always cooked her breakfast, for as long as I can remember. A...

I think I will always think back to Summer of 2021 as one of my favorite summers ever which I know is weird to think or say because it was the summer after Mama died. But that summer we rallied around each other and made time together count. I took off random days from work and Daddy and I would meet up with Sis2 and "the kids" (They're not kids anymore) and we did stuff. Went out for lunch. Watched movies at Sis2's house. Went to Academy sports and walked around with Daddy while he shopped. We went to the theater and watched scary movies and ate popcorn. Emmy came over by herself and we took her to eat and paint pottery. We went fishing and let Daddy bait all our hooks. We celebrated Daddy's birthday and Granny's birthday and the 4th of July. Daddy and I had Daddy/daughter dates at the local diner. We were all freshly vaccinated and threw ourselves out of quarantine, I guess you could say. We'd been apart for so long during the pandemic and we lost so muc...

 I finished a book Saturday. A whole book. If you've known me for any length of time or if, by chance, you knew me when I started this blog ages ago, you know I used to be a voracious reader. Avid book worm. I dabbled in writing fiction, I loved the world of books so much. I discovered the wonder of reading at a young age and most of my elementary and high school friends (and anyone who crossed paths with me during college) rarely saw me without a book in my face.  I read during classes, in between classes, at home, at work...yes I used to sneak a book out at work sometimes if the book was particularly riveting. I was a true book-a-haulic. I got teased a lot in high school, in a good natured way, for the number of books I'd read and re-read in any given day/week. I always won the "most books read in a year" award in high school, typically reading over a hundred books in a year.  As an adult, I loved books and reading so much I joined a reading forum which made me a lo...

 I'm still alive. I survived what I feared I wouldn't, only by the Grace of God and anti-depressants. I wish I could say that life is hunky dory, as my mama used to say, but it's just a never ending limp through the world where I'm dragging my bum knee and depending way too much on coffee shops and retail therapy to keep me from spiraling too far back into the abyss. Anti-depressants can only take you so far and the Grace of God, while perfect, only truly works when I let it.  While I doubt anyone is still monitoring this blog, let me catch you up on what's happened since I last checked in two years ago. If nothing else, maybe it will be good for my mental health to finally get it all written down. A month and a half after my last post here, Sis1 woke me up with a phone call one early Saturday morning. BIL, the brother-in-law I considered a brother, and have loved since I was 17, left her. She came home from a hair appointment the night before to find most of his th...

Well, we made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. We had an ok Thanksgiving at my Granny's house with the extended family on my dad's side and then my sisters and I cooked up a big Thanksgiving meal at my parents' house the day after. Sis1 and Emmy came and stayed most of the weekend. While we were up there, we also decorated the house for Christmas because we knew we wanted to have Christmas morning there, as well.  Sis1 and Emmy came the day before Christmas Eve and we went to breakfast Christmas Eve morning to carry on the tradition Daddy and I had had for the past 13 years or so. It was a tradition Daddy used to have with my Paw-Paw Joe until Paw-Paw died and then Daddy picked up the tradition with me so we had to carry it on. I missed having him there, though. He, like me, LOVED breakfast food. He always got the hungry man platter with pancakes and bacon and eggs. His eyes would light up like a kid's when they'd set that giant pancake down in ...