My Week In Pictures
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Mental Health Day
So, today I woke up with a killer headache. All from stress, frustration, and exhaustion, I know. It woke me up at 2am and I had a complete breakdown. Tears. Prayers. Sobbing. Not because of the headache but because of all that caused the headache. I am overwhelmed. Still. But yesterday...yesterday was just a boiling point situation and I guess I just had a complete breakdown of my spirit and mental and emotional health. I cried and prayed until my alarm went off and then I emailed work and took the day off. If I had gone to work I wouldn't have been good for anyone and would have only exacerbated the problems I am having. I napped on the couch for a bit, watched crappy daytime tv and then dragged myself up to take Libs to get her nails clipped and then we on to town for lunch. Is it sad that Libs is so used to the drive thru that she no longer barks at the people in the window? Anyway, by the time we got back home I felt energized in a way I haven't in a loooong time. Which...
Reshaping the Broken Pieces
I don't think anyone has ever really known just how dark and lonely and utterly broken I've felt throughout my life. I slap on a happy smile, toss out a quick joke and occasionally get in a bad mood but I've never talked to anyone about the darkness or the just how unloved and unlovable I have felt throughout my life. Partly because I was ashamed that I felt that way. I didn't want anyone to ever know just how badly I wanted a husband or just how broken hearted I was that I didn't have that baby and that perfect family life I wanted. I didn't want anyone to ever realize how truly alone I felt or how hard it was to be happy for everyone else. I faked my way through a lot of events and a lot of just everyday life because I didn't want anyone's pity. I needed that brave face, that tough single girl attitude, the "I don't need no man" façade because it protected me. No one knows how many nights I sat alone in my bed and sobbed out my heart...
Life Stuff
As I'm sure you can tell by all the crickets chirping on here lately, life took a nosedive into crazytown for the past couple weeks. Work got INSANE. Heck, I got insane. Well, more insane than usual, anyway. And the overwhelming nature of it all dipped me back into a bit of depression. Not the "I want to kill myself" variety but the "I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything" variety that is just as miserable but a lot less dangerous to myself. Did not bode well for Sis1's birthday party last Saturday, though. Pretty sure I should have just called in sick on that one and stayed home. But noooooo, instead, I volunteered to make the dang cheesecake! What the actual crap is wrong with me? I wish I know. That insane people pleasing gene that always seems to get me into situations that make me miserable. But the cheesecake was delicious if nothing else. So there's that. Anyway, right now I'm in near sitting at my desk crying mode because I ...
