CAUTION: Woman In Progress

Yet another cool effect courtesy MySpace's photo tools.

As I've mentioned before, Tuesday nights aren't my favorite TV nights. I've yet to find anything that held my attention for more than an episode or two. So with that in mind, I busted out my latest Netflix disc and watched Love in the Time of Cholera . And if the title alone isn't depressing enough, it's about a dude who pines for the same woman forEVER (even though she ditched him and married another) and they don't hook up until they're both old enough that they're ready to die. Yeah. Not the most enthralling movie I've ever seen. But then, once the movie ended, I was flipping channels and came across the History Channel's series Life After People which is interesting and frightening all at once. You know, frightening because WTC happened to all the people?? And interesting to see how the earth reclaims itself once we're no longer around to torture it. For the record, I am a Christian and am waiting for the rapture of Christ. So I get that...

So I finally got in touch with my realtor yesterday. Last night during Heroes , actually. I'm meeting her this afternoon to write up an offer on "my" house. I'm nervous and excited and a little scared. I'm almost scared to believe that something I really want might actually happen this time. I've been dreaming of owning my own home for so long that now that it's actually happening I'm having to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake. The next little while is going to be a long wait. Between waiting for an offer to be accepted, getting inspections, appraisals, and all the other closing stuff, I'm going to be a nervous wreck. BUT, it'll all be worth it when the realtor hands me the keys and it's mine all mine. (At least I'm praying nothing happens to dash my dreams.) When I can close the door on the apartment for the last time and bid noisy inconsiderate neighbors adeu. When I can take Libby out without having to listen to make sure the ...

Love the new Myspace tools. hehehe (photo by Emmy, via her week with moi.)

Taken Easter morning.

Okay, so I went to a different mortgage officer this morning and...I GOT PRE-APPROVED. Yeah, apparently I have excellent credit. Who knew? lol The mortgage officer was super super sweet, kind, helpful and she made it as painless a possible. All the anxiety I felt yesterday is now gone, I feel 99.9% sure that everything is going to go off seamlessly and that by the end of my lease term I will be a home owner, whatever home I decide on. I can't begin to describe to you how amazing that feels. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. Me, Jana of the Jungle, poor little pathetic spinster daughter is going to be a homeowner. I mean, no, I haven't signed on a house YET, but the very real, very likely possibility is there. It's a dream I've had for at least a half a decade. Something I thought would never become a reality and yet here I am, firmly ensconced in His warm assurance that yes, Jana, there is a future beyond crappy landlords and even crappier rental homes. And yeah...

Whoo boy, if ever I wanted to be an ostrich, this is it. I got my mortgage application in the mail yesterday. Yeah. It's intimidating as all heck and I'd rather jab my own toe with a hot poker than sit down and start working on it but jabbing my toe with a hot poker won't get me a new house. *sigh* Honestly, I'll say this upfront: I have no idea what I'm doing. Months of research and years of dreaming could not prepare me for the scary pit in my stomach of fear that is taking me over this very second. Can I really do this? No, can I REALLY freaking DO this? I know it's physically possible. Folks buy houses and survive all the time, right? Folks as poor or poorer than me. It can't be that hard really. But sheesh, it sure feels like it. I can see my suddenly meager looking savings frittering away on things like credit reports, appraisals, title insurance (I didn't even know there WAS such a thing!) etc. And honestly, not having my savings scares me more th...

So last Thursday Sis2 and I took the girls to a paint your own pottery place in town for some painting fun. Lyssa wasn't all that into it after the first little piece. She had far too much else to explore. Emmy enjoyed it, I think. Of course, she did have the biggest piece of pottery. Sis2 and I picked from the tiny $2.50 shelves. Emmy picked from the $12.50 shelves. Fortunately she agreed to split the cost with me. Thank the Lord the kid saves her allowance. lol Yesterday we go the call that our pottery was ready to pick up so Sis2 and I ran up there after I got off work and picked it up. I got mine out, a little angel I'd painted, admired it and decided it was the perfect size to make into a refrigerator magnet. Got the self adhesive magnet strips out of my craft cart, cut a small piece and tacked it onto the back of my little angel and stuck it on the fridge. Yeah, you probably can guess what happened. *sigh* My perty little angel I'd worked so diligently on (in between ...

So I'm still consumed with house hunting/buying thoughts. Frankly, I'm about sick of it all. I just want a new home. Bought. Rented. I don't care. So long as it's clean, safe, affordable and in good shape, I'm cool. But all this hurry up and wait, looking, thinking, talking and planning is driving me up the wall. I guess more than anything, it's the uncertainty of it all. What can I REALLY afford? What's there REALLY out there for me. And I'm so stinking afraid of making the wrong choice. I mean, hello. This is me. I jump blindly or drag my feet and usually all with the same results. Bad. But, I know there's a place for me. I just have to keep looking, praying and seeking. In the meantime, I hope it doesn't all drive me crazy. In other news, I'm a horrible terrible friend. *sigh* BFF in SC called me Sunday night. It wasn't until I picked up the phone that I realized I hadn't called to tell her about Daddy's Leukemia. That's us...

Emmy and me eating lunch at the park on our last day together. If she looks a little chipmunk-ish, it's because she'd just taken a bite of her chicken strip sandwhich when Sis2 decided we needed a photo-op. hehehe

There was a time back when I was much younger that I terribly wanted to be a mother. When you're in your late teens and early twenties it's something of an expectation that marriage and babies are inevitable. Required, almost. And I wanted to be a wife and mother. Badly. Fast forward several years and being a mother is not even ON my priority list. Being single as long as I have and enjoying the peaceful existence of having all the "me" time in the world has vastly and dramatically de-romanticized the notion of having children and being a mother. Add that to the fact that I don't even really like most of the children I come into contact with and children and motherhood aren't even on my radar. And so it was that I approached this past week with no small amount of trepidation. I adore both of my nieces, don't get me wrong. But the prospect of being responsible for a little girl for nearly an entire week, giving up my space and my "me" time was da...

As another Easter approaches, I'm aware of how amazing the Father truly is to have sent His only begotten son simply because He loved me so much he wanted to save my soul from eternal damnation. That's some heady stuff. And yeah, He did it for all mankind. But you know, God knew every strand on my head before I was ever born. Yes, thousands of years ago He knew me. Knew the woman I'd come to be and He wanted me to be His child and live eternity in His Grace. And so Jesus was born of a virgin, walked and taught among men and gave his human life on the cross so that I would live. He rose on the third day and one day--maybe soon--I'll meet Him face to face. I have so much to thank and praise Him for. Not just for recent blessing but for ALL the blessings in my life. And yeah, I know I complain about struggles a lot but you know what? Whenever I stop to count my blessings, I can't help but realize that the blessings far outnumber the struggles. Though it may not always ...

A perfect reflection. Or, it would be if my cork wasn't visible in the water. lol

Forget buying a house or renting here. I want to move to West Virginia and live with Suzanne McMinn! LOL Click on the link and you'll see why. *swoon* Wonder if she's interested in adopting a 30-year-old library associate... Of course, I'd be bigger than her farm within a week but I'd be so fat and happy with all that yummy goodness I really don't think I'd care at all. hehehehe So I still haven't made the call to talk with the mortgage folks. I am so entirely chicken. It makes me sick. I just want all this stuff and I'm afraid to ask for it because mostly whenever I truly want something I don't get it. Or I'll get a crappier version of what I truly want and then I resent the heck out of it. *sigh* But I told the DP last night (while she was panting her nasty breath in my face) that she and I could make a home just about anywhere and that as long as she was happy, I'd be happy. I know. That sounds so lame, right? LOL But honestly, a lot of t...

So I'm going to try and stay positive but I'm a little grumpy this morning due to lack of sleep and irritation. Positive~I've lost another pound without even really trying. And by not really trying, I mean, I ate leftover cheesecake a couple days last week, snacked a bit after supper and didn't work out at all. So that was a Monday morning happy. Negative~Neighbor tied her dog up out on our front porch and LEFT HIM THERE ALL DAMN DAY Saturday--with no water, mind you--while she was gone. This annoys me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the issue of potential animal abuse. Supposedly, her "friend" (read: dude who sleeps over sometimes but generally isn't worth crap) was supposed to bring him in after an hour but the "friend" apparently forgot. Because it's easy to forget a dog who's standing outside BARKING HIS HEAD OFF ALL DAMN DAY. I felt sorry for the poor beast and gave him water and untangled him when his lead got tan...

Yesterday was an experiment in torchure. Waited ALL DAY to hear back from the folks on Daddy's Leukemia and didn't get a call until a quarter to five. I'd just finished scarfing some comfort food (Hello, lovely Big Mac. You were so delicious.) When Mama called. They'd stopped stopped to eat in town on their way home and decided to start making the phone calls then. He has the so called "good" Leukemia commonly called CML-Chrominc Mylosomething-or-other that Mama couldn't pronounce. What that means is that it's a fairly common form of Leukemia, is highly successfully treated and once he's completed treatments he should live a long and healthy life--that is, if he can get his cholesterol under control and not have another heart attack. ;-) And because he's unemployed and only has the very basic insurance, he's getting some financial aid on the treatment drugs so that he and Mama don't have to pay a dime on the exorbitantly expensive pills...

Well, sometime this afternoon we'll know for sure what Daddy is facing. In my mind, he's fine. It's already a done deal. He'll take the magic blue pill and we'll never even know he was sick. Already he says he feels better with the meds they've already given him. And he got a positive report from his GP the other day (his dieabetes, blood pressure, etc.) and he'll go on to live a long and healthy life. But I want proof. I've been dreading and looking forward to it all week. So I've obsessed about other things to take my mind off of it. Like, looking for a new house. I'm trying to decide if buying is an option and if I want the responsibility of home ownership. Or can I even afford it realistically? And if I don't buy, what are my options of renting? Do I really want to be under another crummy landlord's thumb? And where ARE all the inexpensive rental houses anyway? Yeah, all that's been rolling round and round in my head and so far, i...