CAUTION: Woman In Progress

So after some examination of my soul I have come to the conclusion that I am just being petty when it comes to A. I think I have deeper issues with her than I realized (other resentments from the past) and I am using this whole "power struggle" as a way to vent those frustrations. Plus, I think this whole co-chair thing has gone to my head. I don't usually get handed that kind of responsibility and while it kind of terrifies me, it's also rather exhilarating to have the opportunity of having my own input/leadership in something that I've formerly been bossed around in. Her insertion of herself into the situation annoys me because my inner two-year-old feels as though she's taking that leadership away from me. And a big part of it isn't even her fault. She just is a naturally "take charge" kind of person. She just has no follow through and her idea of taking charge means handing out orders. Imagine being told you're the co-chair/decision m...

So A and I are currently in this a power struggle. Or maybe it's just all in my head because I'm feeling very resentful of her right now.  Or maybe she really is testing me to see how far she has to push me before I cave and let her have her way. I don't like feeling this way toward a friend. It makes me feel petty and small. And perhaps I am. It's also putting a strain on my friendship with E because she's stuck in the middle. Or maybe she's playing us against each other. It's hard to tell. Or maybe I"m just PMSing and A pushed all the wrong buttons and didn't even realize it. Either way, today is a good day for me to avoid my friends. So I'll be over here hiding behind my desk and trying to talk myself out of walking over to Panda Express for some orange chicken.

This has been a long and strange week. While I've been uber busy, I can't quite pinpoint any one exact thing I did to stay that way. Well, meetings. Of course. Funny how just the act of sitting and listening to other people talk can be so exhausting. I did hire a new student assistant Monday. I think she's going to work out great. Seems really sweet, quiet. I love the sweet and quiet students. I usually have less to fuss at them about. Usually. Other than that, I really can't say what, exactly, has kept me so busy. Just planning for  the upcoming semester and continuing the day to day stuff. I DREAD the upcoming semester. Well, not so much the whole semester as much as the first couple of weeks. Summer and the reduced numbers of bodies on campus always spoils me. All the extra bodies in fall are a total shock to my system. Anyway, I haven't done much around the house lately, either. Except for my epic two day kitchen cleaning project. I hate to admit it, but, ...

Or maybe it should be "On becoming friends with people you work with" *sigh* Ya'll know by now that I am not the kind of person who makes friends easily. Oh, I know there are a couple of you out there who swear I'm super sweet and all that. Or at least you have in the past. haha But you also know that I am not a people person. Talking to, connecting with, and often even dealing with people  face to face is difficult for me. I have never had wonderful experiences with friends and friendships. Sure I have the BFF and there have been others throughout the years who I've counted as best friends or good friends. But honestly? There's always been a disconnect somewhere between me and them. A sort of distance. I've never felt truly accepted by anyone. I'm different. Odd in many ways and more often than not my friends end up either using me for whatever it is they can't get elsewhere or they end up writing me off and forgetting me. I'm pretty sur...

"The common definition of depression states that a multitude of the following symptoms be present for a two-week period: fatigue and decreased energy, feelings of pessimism, overeating or appetite loss, insomnia or early-morning wakefulness, loss of interest in hobbies and activities once found pleasurable, and irritability and restlessness." I lifted that description of depression from an article about how drugs for depression are bad. Well, maybe the article was about how our society uses drugs as a band-aid for everything under the sun, especially depression. Either way, the description of depression is what grabbed me. I've "studied" up on depression before because, well, you know. I tend to get in the dumps a lot. But always before whenever I read anything about depression I would think, Okay. That doesn't really fit me so I must not be depressed. I'm fine. Must just be PMS'd or maybe I'm just overly dramatic. But. That description u...

You'll have to forgive the lack of postage this week. It's been a hum-dinger in more ways than one. Even now I don't have time for a real post because I'm supposed to be elsewhere doing something productive. Instead, I'll leave you with a bitter lesson I'm having to learn today: Sometimes you just have to learn to live with the consequences of your behavior. And yes, I behaved badly to someone this week and am suffering the consequences of not just a guilty conscience but of the reality of the situation I created for myself as a result of said bad behavior. Another bitter lesson: What has been done can not be undone regardless of apologies.

I'm self-imposing a break today from the deadlined project because IT'S KILLING ME!! And if I die, the project will NEVER get done because no one else knows how to do it. Well, sorta. But mostly for real. Anyway, remember when I said my knees were in a happy place ? Yeah, this project saw to it that THAT is no longer true. Try standing/walking for 3+ hours a day on a concrete floor for three days straight. Yeah. That'll pretty much ruin anyone's knees/feet, amiright? Add that to the fact that the other 5 hours of the day are me running here, there, and yonder? Yeah. I'm not complaining about the work itself. Once I got in the groove of it, I actually enjoy it. I just hate the effect it's having on my poor ol' body. It sucks to be old, out of shape and fat. I'm not even being self-depreciating here. Truth! (Anyone else shocked to know that I spelled "depreciating" correctly on the first try? Cause I totally fell outta my chair when spell che...

So...the weekend went well...for me, anyway. My mother, not so much. Silly woman. She fell off a bicycle Sunday night and hurt her leg. Yes. She fell. Off of a bike. *rolls eyes and sighs* Seriously, I kept telling her that bicycle was a bad idea. She already has bad hips and other "issues" so you'd think she'd be a little more careful. But she was determined that since her foot is in such bad shape that she can't walk for exercise, she'd start riding a bicycle. Well, now that's out. Apparently when she took to the gravel road with it, the front wheel hit a clump of deep gravel, got stuck and sent her flying. She landed funny on her right leg and heard a snap. It's not swollen or anything but she can hardly walk. She went to the orthopedic doctor this morning (the one who treated my displaced kneecap in 2006) and he did an x-ray. Said it doesn't look like she did any real damage but could have possibly torn some ligaments or something. So she...

You know how sometimes there's a person who everyone tells you is a monster and they share horror stories about that person and yet you think, eh, he/she can't be all that bad and you defend him/her even if it's only to yourself until one day that person is completely nasty to you and now you can't even look at him/her without recalling how truly horrible he/she treated you? Yeah. That. It's kinda soul crushing when you're confronted with the true colors of someone you really believed couldn't be as horrible as all that. It's happened to me a few times in the past month with a few different people. Hence, me not really being all that thrilled with life. Sad part is, these are people I'm in frequent contact with. People I really thought weren't as bad as others made them out to be. I honestly saw the best in them until they hit me upside the head with my rose colored glasses. And now it's misery to run into them because even though they'...

Ya'll. I had an angry cry last night when I came home. Like, a full on southern style hissy fitted angry cry. It wasn't pretty. Not that I can "pretty" cry ever. But an angry cry? Disgusting. Why all the fuss? Well, you may recall how excited I was to talk to the power company about that tree in my yard and how they'd promised to cut up the trunk into manageable pieces  after they disposed of the limbs and other smaller junk. Guess I shoulda asked him to define manageable. Cause this? Not so manageable. Or maybe it would be if I were, I dunno, The Incredible Hulk maybe??? *sigh* Notice, please, how thoroughly they cut through this ginormous tree trunk: So, I'm just, what? Supposed to use my magical powers to move this mess? There's only maybe three chunks that I might be able to move on my own. And that'll be a stretch. Exhibit A: My size 8 flip flop for scale. So yeah. Angry cry. I ranted and raved and...

Okay, so not long after I hit publish on my previous post, I worked up the courage to do something I've been avoiding for a long while now--I called a man about a tree . ha So here's how it all went down. That stinkin' mess of a tree has been in my yard for nearly two months. You know, the one the power company cut down? Yeah. That one. It had lain in my yard so long that it's nearly entirely covered up by all the grass growing around it that Daddy can't mow. For reelz. I'll hafta take a picture and show it to you. Well, I kept praying and praying that I'd come home from work one day and it'd be gone as unexpectedly as it had been chopped down and abandoned. But. Never happened. I kept getting more and more disgusted each time I looked at it. Daddy was frustrated at having to mow around it. And everyone I know who's seen it has asked me about it. BIL even offered to call the electric company and give them an earful. But me? I don't lik...

We all had a very traumatic morning at work involving a lunatic and the telephone. How does one get rid of an intentionally and verbally abusive telemarketing scammer whose number is blocked and won't give you any clue what he even really wants other than to abuse you? Granted, the scam wasn't intended for me but after the third time he called and his target refused to take his call he fell completely off his rocker and proceeded to harass, abuse and mistreat me and anyone else who dared answer one of his incessant calls. Seriously, he was so abusive that each time he called I, or whoever answered, would end up hanging up on him only to have him immediately call back. At first he'd start out each phone call with, "Hello, how are you today, ma'am," only to then go completely nuts on us. After the first hour, though, he moved onto greeting us with "I'm still here." Is that creepy or what? I was called a liar multiple times and accused of denyi...

Just some thoughts on the fancy lunch I just attended... The university catering needs to develop some new recipes. The cheesy chicken breast and roasted potatoes are gettin' kinda old. I've been to three or four events this year and at each one they served the same cheesy chicken breast, the same roasted potatoes and the same apple cobbler. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some apple cobbler and theirs is pretty dog-gone good. Good enough that I'd have loved to faceplant in it and lick the tray clean. And also good enough that  I'm going to start bringing my own big bowl to compensate for those tiny little dessert bowls they set out. BUT, shouldn't you have more in your catering arsenal than just chicken, potatoes and cobbler? Oh, wait. I forgot. This time they did have green beans instead of the squash from previous events. But also, what the crap is up with not having sweet tea??? This is the dag-gum south, ya'll. You do NOT not offer sweet tea at A...

Ya'll. Okay, so do you want the long version or the short version of this tale of root canal woe? Short version: It wasn't that bad and I got two kinds of pain killers to take me to a happy place. If that's all you wanna know about my root canal you can stop reading here. If you're still reading that must mean you want the LONG version. As in a play by play. Long version: When I left yesterday to face the music drill I wasn't all that nervous. I'd been reassured by the endontics specialist and my regular hygienist who's had like eight(!) root canals that it's no worse than a filling. Fillings I can handle. Been there enough that it's old hat. So yeah. I wasn't nervous. I walked into the Reg. Bev. Wil. of dentists office and they immediately whisked me away and into the procedure room. I got to wait there for around twenty minutes or so while the assistant (or are they nurses?? I don't know.) readied the room and then left me w...

Yesterday was spent in a "retreat" of workshops designed to teach us here staff how to a) be better listeners b) handle change and c) work as a team. Wasn't bad or boring--just long! Five hours of sitting and listening and participating in "activities". (I loath "activities" in workshops. They're a shy introverts worst nightmare!) Fortunately, I managed to sit with E through the entire thing so that made it easier to bear. Also, we got a free lunch. So, Booya! Today I'm leaving shortly after lunch for a doctor's appointment. Gotta go get the results from last week's blood work. You know, see how my lazy thyroid is fairing. Chat with the overachieving cholesterol--that sort of thing. So. FUN! Except not. In some bitter news, the bagel shop finally reopened today after a three month hiatus during summer and I was so excited that I bebopped my ever growing butt down there. Promptly almost chipped a tooth on that dumb bagel, it was so h...

Ugh. My teeth hurt and I think I may be getting a few weeks jump on some PMS because ya'll? I'm in a craptastic mood today. Or at the moment, anyway. Shortly after I got to work this morning, A im'd me that we're meeting Mrs. B for lunch today. Mrs. B who retired last year. So yay! I haven't seen her in a while except for a brief run-in at Wal-Mart a couple weeks ago. (Yes. We clogged an aisle for half an hour.) I really don't need to spend the money on yet another lunch outing as this will be the third one this week but life happens and it's just money and all that. Plus, it's Mrs. B! She's SO worth it. Because I am a good daughter, I invited Mama to tag along. She and Mrs. B have been friends and worked together for YEARS. I was being NICE. However, what's that old saying about being nice will get you shot in the face or something like that? Isn't there a saying along those lines? Oh, right. Let no good deed go unpunished. Being shot...

This may be one of those stories where ya just had to be there and ya'll won't find it funny at all. It is kinda lame. But Daddy and Sis2 thought it was hilarious. Then again, it does involve me behaving foolishly so there is that to consider. Anyway, Saturday morning was rather interesting. After shopping and breakfast I got busy doing laundry and cleaning and stuff. (No, that isn't the interesting part.) All of a sudden the smoke alarm started going off in short bursts. Nothing was on fire and it's done this before so I wasn't concerned--just annoyed. While it's wired into the house, I think the battery back-up is dying. I can't figure out how to get the cover off of it to see if it even HAS battery back-up, though. So it did that a few times over a five minute period and stopped. A little while later I was deep in the midst of rearranging furniture (this is what I do when I'm restless) when it started going off again. This time in longer bursts. ...

Emmy had to go to the emergency room during school today, bless her heart. From what I understand, another kid in her class (gender unspecified) wanted something she had so he/she grabbed Emmy's hand and bent her fingers backward far enough that her fingers and hand swelled up and turned dark blue. The school feared her fingers were broken so they sent  her to the ER. Thankfully the doctor said her fingers aren't broken but they are, in fact, sprained and she has to wear a splint for a while and ice her hand periodically. Now I don't wish ill on anyone but I seriously hope that other kid got expelled, suspended or severely punished somehow. While it isn't the same kind of violence as pulling a knife, it was still physically harmful and intentionally so. Truth be told I think the other kid's parents ought to foot the ER bill, as well. These are eleven and twelve-year-olds. If they don't learn the hard lessons now, by the time they reach high school it might act...

Praise be to the Father, I and all my family are safe and still have our homes. Campus and town lost electricity around 4pm yesterday, just before Mama and I were leaving to go home. Driving through town without stop lights is not fun. It took us about twenty minutes longer than normal just to get out of town to get home. We were sort of running from one tornado that was headed toward town and headed toward a hailstorm at home. Fortunately, we missed both. As far as we can tell, none of our homes suffered hail damage, though Daddy reported that it was golf ball sized. *shudders* We were without electricity all night last night and cell phone service was tricky. We managed to get word about the Tuscaloosa tornado from Sis2's MIL in Greenwood but then couldn't get Sis1 on the phone because of the iffy cell service. Finally, around 6:30 or 7 Daddy finally managed to get them on the phone long enough to find out that they were all fine and the massive tornado missed them by a ...

Almost literally. Last night,  ya'll, I really did have a genuine concern there for about thirty minutes or so that I, the DP and our house would be blown away. And I don't normally pay any attention to thunderstorms, bad weather, etc. But ya'll? Last night? I had a scared. I was halfway through Ghost Hunters and they were just about to begin the second investigation when all of a sudden all I could really hear was wind. I sounded like holy heck out there. I didn't even realize it was raining because all I could hear was wind. I turned the channel to our local station and sure enough we were under a tornado warning. Us and about four surrounding counties. So, the DP and I sort of hovered near the hallway bathroom in case we heard any trains coming. Actually, I hovered near the hallway bathroom and the DP went and crawled in her crate and just stared at me like I was nuts to not take cover. (Her crate faces directly towards the bedroom door and the bathroom is dir...