CAUTION: Woman In Progress

We used to have a rope swing tied to the branches of this tree when we were little. Of course, back then it was, you know, alive .

So Friday was interesting. Went to lunch thinking the world was round and all was good and happy and then... Mama walks into the staff lounge talking on her cell phone. I've got my lunch in the microwave, a bag of potato chips in hand and I'm munching away and joking with a co-worker. Suddenly, Mama hisses, "Oh no," and sinks to the floor. I'm still munching on chips and watching her. I know something not great has happened but Mama can be a bit dramatic at times so I'm not altogether worried. And then she starts crying. A number of devastating thoughts pass through my mind as I listen to her. I have no idea who she's talking to or what they're saying. I can only hear her end which is mostly things like, "No, no," and "Do I need to come stay with you?" "Are you sure you're okay?" My heart's beating so loudly I can feel it vibrating my shirt and I can hear the blood rushing to my ears. I'm thinking either someth...

Emmy fishing with Nana, circa 2004.

Lyssa is insistent upon calling Nana, Nina. Me, she calls Nana. Libby scared the crap out of the neighbor yesterday morning. We were coming in from her morning constitutional, I was balancing the umbrella, the morning paper and Libby's leash when the neighbor yanked her door open. Before I could put the breaks on her leash, Libby lunged at the neighbor's door barking madly, neighbor screamed and jumped back and I nearly fell off the porch laughing. A country field mouse hitched a ride to town with my mom this morning. When I went to get in the car, it was running circles by my mother's front tire. When we left, he was huddled against the sidewalk waving. hehehe (I really hope he doesn't decide to move in with me. I'm not looking for roommates, thankyouverymuch.) I finished reading Elizabeth Flock's Sleepwalking in Daylight last night. It was so good, but I swear, I was depressed for a good half hour after reading it. Wrote a very angsty entry in my journal. lol...

We've long teased that Lyssa learns a lot of things from the Devil Pup. Eating off the floor, begging for food, running amok, etc. Yesterday, she tried to learn to EAT like the DP. *groan* Sis2 and Lyssa stopped by after I got home from work yesterday. As usual, I sat in the floor and played with her and Libby while I visited with Sis2. Lyssa is old enough now that she likes to explore my apartment and I let her. Not a whole lot she can get into since I've basically had to baby proof it for the DP anyway. Except... Lyssa brought me the DP's food dish and of course, upon seeing it, the DP got excited. I wasn't thinking clearly, since I rarely do, and put some food in it. Of course the DP dove face first into it all happy and because she likes to do what the DP does, Lyssa tried to dive face first into the bowl. *shakes head* And when that didn't work she snatched a piece of dog food and shoved it in her mouth. *groan* Thankfully, we got her to spit out almost immedia...

Sweet misery is being full to capacity on Chicken Chimichangas and then being surprised with cheesecake. At last break yesterday, the same co-worker who treated me to lunch had brought a cheesecake. It was one of those luscious variety sampler ones with two slices each of plain, white chocolate strawberry, turtle and fudge swirl. I was still miserable full from lunch but because it was such a sweet gesture, I went ahead and ate cheesecake. We each to a tiny portion of each slice just because none of us could decide which kind we wanted. It was all good. But boy, was my tummy unhappy with me. I was certain I'd have to puke before Sis2 arrived with supper just in order to EAT supper. Ack! I swear. If food is love, folks love me a happy lot. LOL But, I took two Zantac, drank some water and did some straightening up around the house so that by the time they arrived with the pizza and wings, I wasn't quite so miserable. I also took the Devil Pup on a big adventure before they got th...

Chicken Chimichangas. What did you THINK I was going to say, hmmm??? Well, I'm full of THAT, too, actually. hehehe So my birthday weekend, I had low expectations. Seriously. I was rather depressed about it if you must know. Not because of my age, but rather because I'd had that little thing with my mother making me feel just shy of being dirt and I wasn't really expecting to enjoy any of it. Except, at some point I decided to forget about it. I'm enjoying it no matter what. I'm turning 30 and that doesn't happen every day. It's worth celebrating. Why, I don't know. It's not really that big a deal, now that the day is here, but whatever. It's important because I say it is. lol So Friday night I got out my recent Netflix DVD, The Duchess , and watched that. Heck, I'm just thankful I didn't have to live her life, poor girl. Forget birthdays. LOL The Devil Pup snored through the whole thing, bless her heart and didn't bother me once, unti...

The muse, she is no longer PMSing which means...I've been writing! Yay! Two scenes up on Drifters with several more waiting their turn. I love it when the muse gets it together and shares her inspiration with me. hehehehe Too bad I couldn't have gotten a male muse. Men don't PMS. Not technically, anyway. I know a few who are moody as all heck at times. Reckon they're PMSing in some strange way? Or are all muses female, do you think? Hmmm...Question for the universe. Although, I know other writers (more talented than I) who claim they hear voices instead of having muses. Or have peasants. (lesser muses, I think is how JT described it once.) Non-writers (and some writers, probably) likely think all this muse business is a bunch of hooey. But you know what? Most of the stuff creativity that comes out of this brain? Couldn't have come strictly from me. Not that I believe, necessarily, in the traditional muse. Just that there's SOMETHING beyond my own measly brain t...

She's so helpful. ;-)

I had two posts typed up on what happened to me this weekend and couldn't bring myself to post them. They alternately seemed TMI and stupid/silly and the more I wrote and re-read them, the worse I felt. So I didn't post either of them. Half out of fear ya'll would think me pathetic and half because I FELT (feel) pathetic. *shakes head* The gist of it is this: I got my little feelings hurt--big time. I took some things my mother said, marinated them in my own insecurities and rolled around in them until I stunk of them. Deep down in the core of who I am, I still feel a little betrayed, unloved, and unwelcome in the world. But that's my depressive nature having a field day. I'm almost 95% sure my mother didn't mean for me to feel the way I felt but there it is. Parents have NO IDEA how what they say and the way they say things can affect their child--even a grown one. It's why I lecture Sis1 constantly on the things she says to Emmy. Seemingly innocent things ...

I'll contemplate the clouds instead.

I'm going to be an aunt again. Sis2's having another baby! Yay! hehehe She's about six weeks along, due in early November. She actually sort of knew and told us last weekend but wanted us to wait until after she'd seen the doctor and had him confirm it before anyone else was told. It KILLED me to wait, and yeah, I probably could've written it on my blog but you just never know who reads these things so I waited. We're all happy and excited. They weren't TRYING trying but they weren't exactly doing anything to prevent a pregnancy either, choosing to leave the timing of their next child up to God. When she told us this of course I had to ask, "Um, ya'll aren't going to be like those insane 18 Kids and Counting people, are you?" LOL Thankfully, she replied no. Just needed to know, I did. ;-) For me, personally, it wouldn't have been the best timing in the world. I'd have used anything and everything to PREVENT a pregnancy right now...

Kinda lazy but heck, it was too gorgeous out to be too serious about much of anything. ;-)

Alyssa takes her fishing very seriously. Notice the concentration on her face. hehehe Emmy's got the right idea. Comfy fishin's the best kind. And in totally non-fishing related news, I read Victoria Dahl's Talk Me Down last night. Yep. I read it in one sitting. It was just that good. I'm still a little giddy from it, actually. hehehe Fun and so hot it singed my eyebrows. *fans self* hehehe

After I got off work Saturday, I looped around and picked up a Java Chiller from Sonic. Bad Jana, I know. But I wasn't really hungry and I knew I would be if I didn't get something and well, Java Chillers are to die for. hehehe Sis1 had already taken the Devil Pup on out to the folks' house so all I had to do was swing by the apartment and pick up my bag to spend the night. By the time I got out there, everyone else had already eaten lunch, Lyssa was sacked out on Nana and Bobo, Emmy and Sis1 were off playing on the 4-wheeler. Sis2 and Goofus were sprawled on the couch like lazy bums so I sat and petted the DP and Scarlett. The dogs are better company anyway. hehehe About an hour later we finally rounded up the troops and went fishing. Goofus actually beat us all down there. Emmy and I walked down to the pond together and Daddy hooked me up with my rod and reel already baited. Unfortunately I didn't catch anything. I almost caught one but I, err, had sort of almost doz...

She's still a romance junkie like her Mama. hehehehe

Or at least, a MORNING at the park, anyway. I was off work yesterday morning so the Devil Pup and I took advantage of the gorgeous spring-like weather and met Sis2 and Lyssa at a nearby park. We played for about an hour before we had to leave to go meet Bobo and I had to go get ready for work. Libby had a lot of fun running around and enjoying the fresh air. When we first got there, we were the only ones around. By the time Sis2 and Lyssa got there the place was starting to fill up. Fortunately, all the kids that showed up were good kids and didn't bother anyone. Lyssa had fun climbing from one play set to the other and flirting with a little boy. He was probably closer to two-years-old but she giggled at him and waved and they helped each other turn the little steering wheel. He talked to her and she smiled flirtatiously at him. I think her parents are in for it when she gets a little older. LOL She's old enough now that she likes to go down the big spiral slide. She was so fu...

I told Libby that Sis1 is coming tomorrow night. The dog flipped out all happy and excited. LOL The only thing she loves more than food and her Mama is company, especially her aunts and grandparents. Speaking of company, I actually had some last night. I never have folks come over so it's a huge deal. lol But my two great-aunts were killing time in town last night and decided to drop by. They'd never seen my "new" apartment before so they dropped by to see it and visit a minute. Libby was such a little nut, all happy and excited about it. She barked a bit at Aunt L because she hasn't really been around her as much. But she crawled in Aunt G's lap and tried to give her kisses. Aunt G's not as all about the puppy kisses as I am, though. LOL They were really impressed with my "cozy" digs. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was praying to be able to move out of those cozy digs come July. lol Aunt L. was telling me that she and my uncle ...

She makes going home feel special. Even if I CAN'T get her offa my back! hehehe

but I didn't write it down and so it's forgotten. I don't even remember what I was going to blog ABOUT. And trust me, I had something really fun in mind. I recall thinking how cute it would be. I just don't recall what "it" was. *sigh* Story of my life. I need to invest in a tiny voice recorder I can keep in my pocket so that when the odd brilliance smacks me, I can record it for later. Cause, you know, not only does brilliance get forgotten, it's also very rare. ;-) I do have some good news to report. I must be eating something right. I can finally wear my jeans to work on casual Friday and not feel as though they're choking me. Yay! In fact, all of my clothes are starting to feel better. Some are even getting back to the baggy stage again. Color me pleased. The scale...well, it has it's good reports and bad reports. According the scale, I probably won't make to to my goal weight by the 23rd, but so long as I'm back in my favorite spring s...

Or something. Friday was a storm of wild proportions. Tornado watches and warnings included. Saturday was cold and dismal going to work. Sunday morning I stepped outside, stopped in my tracks and yelled "Oh my word! When did this happen?" Yeah. It snowed. Newscasters said it's the first significant amount of snow our area of the deep south has had in nearly ten years! Significant in the likes of 3-5 inches. I know that's INsignificant to the northern porton of the US but for us it was like a magical wonderland of cold. Libby, though we'd had that light dusting of snow last year, wasn't altogether sure what to make of all the cold stuff blanketing the grass. She couldn't quite figure out how to pee on it. It's cold on the nether regions, yanno. LOL I was reluctant to disturb any of it, knowing it wouldn't be around for long. All of the neighborhood kids got out and played in it, though. I'm pretty sure I found at least two snowballs on our side...