Mother's Day

For years I had a love hate relationship with Mother's Day. It was such a stressful day for me, truly. All the planning ahead figuring out what to cook, the preparation, and then the cooking and cleanup afterwards. It wasn't that my sisters didn't help, they contributed food, but as the lone single, childless sister the bulk of the responsibility fell on me. And they're mothers, too, so I didn't feel right asking them to do too much.

I did it because I love my mama and my granny and sisters. I did it because it made me feel useful and gave me a way to participate in a holiday that didn't belong to me, no matter how much Libby felt like my child. I did it because I was afraid if I didn't, no one else would and Mama deserved better than that. Before I took over planning and cooking there were several Mother's Day where no plans were made until the day of because Daddy isn't a planner. Oh, he always cooked her breakfast, for as long as I can remember. And he always gave her a nice gift. But as far as like lunch or anything like that? He just wasn't a planner. 

When were kids, we always spent Mother's Day at church and then we made the rounds visiting my grandmothers. It wasn't until we were all adults that Mama started wanting bigger plans than that. Lunch. Brunch. Something. For a while we'd figure out a place to go the day of and then fight to get into a crowded restaurant because of everyone else celebrating their moms. After I bought my house and established myself as a "hostess" I took over the Mother's Day plans. We invited Granny and my great Aunt G. to come eat and visit. I loved it and I hated it but I was always glad to see how  happy and relaxed Mama and Daddy were because they didn't have to do anything. 

After Mama died, we just had Granny to celebrate and Daddy decided he didn't want me to do so much. He became very protective of my time and energy after Mama died. So instead of cooking I'd go pick up a bucket or two of Popeyes chicken and some sides (he paid, of course) and we'd take it up to Granny's house and invite Aunt G to come over. We did that for two years and it was great. It let me mourn the fact that Mama wasn't here but still celebrate the mother figures we still had without wearing myself out. That's something we kept up even after Daddy died. My sisters and I would take chicken and sides up to Granny's for Mother's Day.

But now Granny's gone. This is our second Mother's Day without her. Our fifth without Mama. I stayed at home all day, sitting in the dark with Milo and watched YouTube and TikTok and ate snacks and talked to my best friend on the phone and fielded depressed texts from my sisters and just treated the day like any other Sunday.

The days leading up to Mother's Day were harder than the actual day. All the Mother's Day ads. But the day itself? I think seeing so many of my friends and family who've also lost their mothers mixing in with the ones who still have their moms posting on FB and Instagram helped me be more at peace. Or to at least get out of my own head. I'm not alone in the motherless on Mother's Day club. I have people in my life who know how I feel. Who are in the same boat with me, even if we're at different stages of our loss. The loss of a mother never truly heals, even if that relationship was complicated, as mine often was with my mama.

My sisters, on the other hand, they were super depressed because not only were they up in their feels about not having Mama and Granny but they were also down because their children didn't plan anything for them at all. Emmy had to work yesterday so Sis1 spent the day alone. Goofus didn't cook for, nor did he even wait for Sis2 to get out of bed before he ate breakfast. Efan did cook breakfast for her and Lyssa brought her a sweet treat from her favorite bakery but otherwise she felt totally unloved and unappreciated.

I didn't really know how to help them with that other than to just tell them I love and appreciate them but Sis2 let me know quick that that doesn't count. And I get it, I guess. If I were married and had kids, grown or otherwise, I'd be pretty hurt that they didn't do anything to celebrate me on Mother's Day.

Maybe next year I'll pick up the slack and plan Mother's Day for them. Not to cook or anything *shudder* but maybe meet them for brunch somewhere or pick up a bucket of chicken and sides. Because who am I if not someone who hates to think that the people she loves feel unloved and unappreciated?