CAUTION: Woman In Progress

This was a chill weekend in the sense that I didn't really interact with anyone and barely left my house. What did I do, then? Well, Saturday I rearranged the furniture in my living room which lead to sweep up a massive (and gross) amount of dog hair since I don't usually move my entertainment console to sweep under it. Same with the couch/love seat, end table. Which also lead to dusting and mopping. AND THEN, I hated the new arrangement so I put it all back to where it was. Well, most of it. Maybe I'll post pics later. I was too tired to do pics Saturday. Yesterday I didn't go to church because I was exhausted from Saturday but I still had to go into town to return a DVD to Redbox. While in town, I stopped by Popeye's and FINALLY tried their magical chicken sandwich. haha Y'all, it was good but wait in the drive-thru for an hour good? Nah. Fortunately, all the hype has died down in my town. That's the only reason I stopped and got one. As for comparing ...

She snuggles against me and rests her head on my boob at least once every night. She'll often look up at me with those big brown eyes and it's like I can hear her telling me she loves me. She's why I get up every day. 💓

I haven't done one of these in ages! They used to be a staple on this blog, back in the day when I was excited to share my "daily life" with the internet. The past several years, as a bit of depression and self-loathing gripped me, I talked myself into believing in that nobody really cared to know what my weekends were like or what was really going on with my life. And that may be true. But this is my blog so I'll just write what I want to. Honestly, I've been struggling a bit in recent weeks. Not with the sad or self-loathing part of depression, but with the struggling to focus on routine things. My attitude toward my job has been rather apathetic in the sense that by noon I'm mentally drained and all I want to do is go home. It's not that my job is hard or that I don't get along with anyone. It's not even that I hate my job--I don't. I am just struggling in this phase of wanting to be anywhere but in my office. I guess you could call it ...

So, I'm only 28 pages into my writing project. Not because I'm not inspired, just been busy. The funniest thing that's happened since I started writing again is when I opened up the word doc the other day, I was shocked to discover that an entire scene I'd written wasn't actually on the page. Had it not saved? I was genuinely perplexed. It took me a hot minute to realize that it's a scene I'd played out in my head a few mornings before but hadn't actually written! I have the horrible habit of "writing" scenes in my head when I'm in bed or driving and I forget that I never actually wrote it. *facepalm* Needless to say, I had to try to remember what I'd imagined and I'm pretty sure it's not nearly as good as my early morning inspiration had been. It's really fun exploring these characters again but in the scope of  all of us (me the writer and the characters) being older with a whole new set of life experiences behind us. I ...

I am writing again! Hallelujah! Y'all, I know you prolly don't remember, but I used to be a writer. I was so sure that I'd be a published writer that I even chose the pseudonym I'd used for publication and used it for this blog address. Once upon a time I was consumed with writing. I had a muse whispering over my shoulder and characters living in my head. At one time, I had a clear career path and dreams and called myself a writer, even though I wasn't a published author. And then life happened. Depression happened. Complete and utter distraction happened. I lost my muse. The characters went away. My dreams died under the weight of self-doubt, overwhelm, and complete loss of any will to create. I stopped writing in this blog. I stopped writing fiction. Hell, I stopped READING fiction. I lost all sense of my dreams to the point where when asked, I said I didn't have any dreams. I got so lost and bogged down by external circumstances that I just lost all sen...

So I guess internet ads are trying to tell me something today: Not quite sure what, tho. Pahahahahahahaha

I've been absent a while, I know. Lots of mental health issues making it hard to write. Not that I don't want to write or share, just, writing it all out feels like whining. I know it isn't, exactly, but...you know. It's just hard to share. But I'm feeling stronger and better so trying to ease my way back into it all... Anyway, since it's been a while, I thought I'd share my week/weekend in pictures. Nothing major happened, just mundane life stuff. I'd cut a slice of pumpkin roll and set it on the side table while I responded to a text. Begging ensued. The fog on my commute Wednesday morning wasn't playing around. Wednesday night she had an arthritis flare-up and couldn't jump on the furniture. since she'd rather kill me than have me pick her up, I sat on my bedroom floor and watched tv so she could still snuggle me. Fall temps finally came to visit us Friday and I sat outside during my break and enjoy...

One of my cousins and his wife had a baby this weekend. Another cousin got engaged. Meanwhile, I spent my holiday weekend sprawled on the couch like a busted can of biscuits watching YouTube videos on how to get my shit together. I'm so totally winning at this life thing.💁

Summer is here, y'all. Emmy dragged us out fishing Friday morning, after the 4th, and though I did catch one measly little breem, it was an awful time. I don't know what we were thinking. Other than the fact that this is the first time I've seen Emmy since graduation in May and will be the last time I see her until, probably Thanksgiving . She has a full time babysitting job this summer and come fall she'll be in college and working part time. Plus, her boyfriend will be done with basic training and will likely be station somewhere nearby. Any free time she has will probably be his. It sucks when they kids all grow up.   But anyway, for your amusement, please enjoy this picture of misery. Sweaty upper lip. Wet from sweat hair. Gross.    

Stupid joke, right? But I like stupid jokes. So, my mother is retiring tomorrow. She has worked at the same job, in the same library for 30 years. All during those 30 years while she worked, she also battled a chronic and painful muscle disorder called spasmodic torticollis--among other chronic conditions, including diabetes, interstitial cystitis, and several other conditions that were painful. She was never one to skip work on a whim and she had to feel like death warmed over before calling in sick. She has always been proud of her job in the library. You may not know this, but my mother never went to college. She finished high school, got married, and started a family. She was a stay at home mom from the time my middle sister was an infant until I was around 10 years old and she had already been battling the torticollis for around 4 or 5 years at that point. She could have continued staying at home. My dad never once told her she had to get a job but she did because she w...

And just like that, my Emmy is a high school graduate! It seems like just yesterday she was this chubby legged sassy pants baby who could throw a tantrum like a mofo. But now she's this long legged, smart, and funny young adult getting ready to go to nursing school and I could not be prouder!

I sorta disappeared for a bit,  huh? Oops! Not much has happened in all that time. Work. EXCEPT! I turned 40 toward the end of the month and then my sisters and WBF took me to Gulf Shores for a little birthday beach break. I haven't been to any sort of beach since 2004 so this was sort of a big deal for me. Anytime I get out of the house is a big deal for me, to be honest. I've become even more  hermit-y the past few months. Christmas and all the hub-bub around it sorta wore me down a bit, I think. I actually did a little "stay-cation" the week leading up to the beach but I only left my house twice--once to go paint pottery and have lunch with the kiddos and once to take Libs to the vet for her nails. The rest of those four days was, in fact, spent in my house with the drapes closed while I lounged in my pj's on the couch listening to podcasts and napping. I did get out the Friday before and spent the day with friends the day before my birthday and then ...