Couple steps forward...
I had a first Friday. Something that I've always wished I could do but never had the courage to actually do it. I started a conversation with a stranger!! lol
My mother has always been the sort of woman who has never met a stranger. You know the type. She could carry on a conversation with a stop sign and the stop sign would go away thinking they had just met the friendliest woman on earth. This behavior embarrassed me greatly when I was young as most characteristics of mothers do. Now that I'm older I've come to appreciate and admire that in her.
Me, I've always been incessantly shy. A loner. My words get stuck in my throat and it's as though my brain goes numb so that no coherent thought forms until after the opportunity to speak has already passed. I stare longly at the backs of peoples heads sometimes just shaking at the thought of actually initiating conversation no matter how much I long to do so.
Friday afternoon I was standing in line at the post office. Possibly the longest line I've ever stood in and it was moving slowly. The weather outside, however, was moving rather quickly into a thunderstorm. A sweet older woman was standing in line in front of me, her eyes constantly flickering back to the windows to gauge the ferocity of the storm. I could tell she was worried so I did the only thing I knew to do. I spoke to her. It wasn't much more than comisserating about the suddeness and ferocity of the storm and the fact that we had both left our umbrellas in the car. In fact, it wasn't even a steady stream of conversation. But I felt like I had conquered Everest and she seemed a little more at ease.
What made me do it? I really can't say. My mouth just seemed to open and the first tentative words spilled out...surprisingly coherant. I just chalked it up to be a step forward in the progress of becoming a new and better person. I as I dashed out into the pouring rain, chasing my shoe that attempted to float away, I felt like just that tiny step was a huge leap.
And then Friday night happened. As anyone who knows me can tell you, being a loner generally means that I don't much care for constant companionship. Do I like people? Sure. Do I like my peace and quiet more? Absolutely. This doesn't mean, however, that I always get my peace and quiet. For whatever reason, since my sister and her family moved to Alabama, my house has become their weekend retreat. Every other weekend my space is invaded usually by my oldest sister but occasionally by her husband as well. Very rarely does my niece ever stay with me because she prefers to stay with my parents.
This Friday night though she was having a fit to see her daddy since she hadn't seen him in about two weeks or so. (He travels a lot for his job) This was one of those weekends that he had come up with my sister and they were both staying at my house. My niece, in a fit to see him, got herself evicted from my parents house and ended up at mine. Well, he and Sis1 just happened to have gone out with his parents for supper so that meant that I had her alone.
Now, I love my niece to peices. She feels like my own sometimes and I've babysat her numerous times. But, and this is a huge but, I haven't kept her by myself for more than thirty minutes since she was a baby. We generally end up fighting like a couple of kids because she's five and let's face it, I sometimes act like I'm five. It's difficult to be a disciplinarian when you're the one who taught your niece to do "see food" and meticulously taught her the term "hottie" and how to spot a hottie when she was three.
This Friday night though was different. We had fun. We played. We watched a movie. She let me clean up the kitchen and wash a couple of loads of clothes without whining or even a compliant. It was nice. It even extended into Saturday morning. She woke up with a smile when I went to get her up. She went right into the tub when I asked her to. We washed, dried and combed her hair all with a round of giggles. She was a dream. I came away Saturday afternoon feeling like mother earth. I thought, hey, I could do this. I could totally be a parent. That's something that I have never felt or even thought with any amount of confidence.
Hey, maybe I'm finally growing up. Is this a good thing?
Jana
My mother has always been the sort of woman who has never met a stranger. You know the type. She could carry on a conversation with a stop sign and the stop sign would go away thinking they had just met the friendliest woman on earth. This behavior embarrassed me greatly when I was young as most characteristics of mothers do. Now that I'm older I've come to appreciate and admire that in her.
Me, I've always been incessantly shy. A loner. My words get stuck in my throat and it's as though my brain goes numb so that no coherent thought forms until after the opportunity to speak has already passed. I stare longly at the backs of peoples heads sometimes just shaking at the thought of actually initiating conversation no matter how much I long to do so.
Friday afternoon I was standing in line at the post office. Possibly the longest line I've ever stood in and it was moving slowly. The weather outside, however, was moving rather quickly into a thunderstorm. A sweet older woman was standing in line in front of me, her eyes constantly flickering back to the windows to gauge the ferocity of the storm. I could tell she was worried so I did the only thing I knew to do. I spoke to her. It wasn't much more than comisserating about the suddeness and ferocity of the storm and the fact that we had both left our umbrellas in the car. In fact, it wasn't even a steady stream of conversation. But I felt like I had conquered Everest and she seemed a little more at ease.
What made me do it? I really can't say. My mouth just seemed to open and the first tentative words spilled out...surprisingly coherant. I just chalked it up to be a step forward in the progress of becoming a new and better person. I as I dashed out into the pouring rain, chasing my shoe that attempted to float away, I felt like just that tiny step was a huge leap.
And then Friday night happened. As anyone who knows me can tell you, being a loner generally means that I don't much care for constant companionship. Do I like people? Sure. Do I like my peace and quiet more? Absolutely. This doesn't mean, however, that I always get my peace and quiet. For whatever reason, since my sister and her family moved to Alabama, my house has become their weekend retreat. Every other weekend my space is invaded usually by my oldest sister but occasionally by her husband as well. Very rarely does my niece ever stay with me because she prefers to stay with my parents.
This Friday night though she was having a fit to see her daddy since she hadn't seen him in about two weeks or so. (He travels a lot for his job) This was one of those weekends that he had come up with my sister and they were both staying at my house. My niece, in a fit to see him, got herself evicted from my parents house and ended up at mine. Well, he and Sis1 just happened to have gone out with his parents for supper so that meant that I had her alone.
Now, I love my niece to peices. She feels like my own sometimes and I've babysat her numerous times. But, and this is a huge but, I haven't kept her by myself for more than thirty minutes since she was a baby. We generally end up fighting like a couple of kids because she's five and let's face it, I sometimes act like I'm five. It's difficult to be a disciplinarian when you're the one who taught your niece to do "see food" and meticulously taught her the term "hottie" and how to spot a hottie when she was three.
This Friday night though was different. We had fun. We played. We watched a movie. She let me clean up the kitchen and wash a couple of loads of clothes without whining or even a compliant. It was nice. It even extended into Saturday morning. She woke up with a smile when I went to get her up. She went right into the tub when I asked her to. We washed, dried and combed her hair all with a round of giggles. She was a dream. I came away Saturday afternoon feeling like mother earth. I thought, hey, I could do this. I could totally be a parent. That's something that I have never felt or even thought with any amount of confidence.
Hey, maybe I'm finally growing up. Is this a good thing?
Jana
Comments
Oh, do I hear you on this one! As much as I love my friends, this is the reason things can get a little tense on extended trips or even long days with them. Because as much as I love spending time with them, I need my alone time...my space. And if I don't get at least a half hour off to myself, I get cranky. I admit it proudly. Some people just don't understand that need, though.
Glad you had an enjoyable weekend with your niece! My youngest niece should be walking next time I see her. Oh, won't that be fun!
~H.