Invisibility...Hey, I could be a superhero!!
I've often times wondered just to what degree I am invisible and if it was just one particular person, a group of people or a particular place that rendered me invisible. You see, I have this penchant for being overlooked.
Now I am by no means neccessary a small person. In fact, I've got quite a bit of mass going on here. I'm not tall but at 5' 6 I'm no little person either. In fact I tend to tower over my shorter sisters and mom and most of my friends. So why then doesn't anyone see me?
Of course I realize it's unfair to say that no one sees me. There are plenty of people who see me just fine. Probably see me more than they would like.
But there are those who no matter how brightly I smile or how much effort I put into looking nice just never seem to realize that I'm standing there at all.
For instance there is a preacher who is my age who I have known at a distance since I was 17. He's friends with my grandfather, was the pastor of the church where my oldest sister got married eight years ago and used to flirt shamelessly with my middles sister before she got married. In the past couple of years he has become the pastor of the church I grew up in. Now, I don't attend this church anymore but I have visited on several occasions. He speaks quite enthusiastically with both of my parents, chats up nicely with all of my grandparents. Teases my niece and jokes with both sisters. I am usually standing right in the midst of all these various family members but does he speak to me? Acknowledge my prescence or even look in my direction? No. Not at all. In fact, the ONLY time the man has ever spoken to me is at the end of the service when he is shaking hands with folks as they exit. I get an obligatory handshake and a "glad you came" while the folks in front of me and behind me get a warm handshake, a pat on the shoulder and a "So good to see ya! How've you been?"
One day a couple of semesters ago he went to see my sister at the registrar's office where she used to work. He was enrolling in some classes and decided to stop by and say hi. They got to talking about our family and he mentioned something about her having a sister. She says yeah, I've got two sisters. He looks at her blankly and asks why he hasn't ever met the other sister. She says "You HAVE met her. Several times." Even shows him a picture of me. He swears up and down he's never seen me before.
And I suppose he hasn't. Not really. I'm invisible to the man.
His way of looking right through me has become a running joke in our family and while it bothers me a tiny bit I don't really think about it all that often.
But the recent change of my hair has caused me to wonder just how many people look through me and I don't even realize it.
As I mentioned in my first post, I recently got a perm. I've had long straight hair for the past couple of years. The perm is a huge change...changes the way I look almost entirely. I've stopped friends in their tracks. Drawn double takes from some of them. It's quite funny actually. What's desturbing though is the amount of people I've long counted among my friends who either haven't noticed the change at all or have finally just now noticed that I let my hair grow out. My own sister walked into my house and talked to me for a good two or three minutes before she even noticed and she knew before hand that I was getting my hair done!!
Then I got to thinking. Maybe I've worked so hard at becoming invisible...at blending in and not getting noticed that it finally worked! For years I have struggled to go un-noticed. Kept my mouth shut and my eyes down. I was raised in the philosophy that children should be seen and not heard in public. We could be as loud as we wanted to be at home but step foot off of home territory and there would be heck to pay if we spoke much above a whisper. And I find myself even at the ripe old age of 26 that when I'm with my family in public I tend to just fade away. I stand quietly behind my dad, much like I did as a child and smile and nod and generally keep my mouth shut. So maybe it's not that poor preachers fault he's never seen me. Maybe it's not my co-workers' fault for not noticing that I changed my hair. I have just finally achieved my super hero ability.
So maybe now that I have this ability I can choose to turn it off. Here's to hoping that the next time I go to my old home church the pastor there says, "Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you, Jana."
hehehe
Now I am by no means neccessary a small person. In fact, I've got quite a bit of mass going on here. I'm not tall but at 5' 6 I'm no little person either. In fact I tend to tower over my shorter sisters and mom and most of my friends. So why then doesn't anyone see me?
Of course I realize it's unfair to say that no one sees me. There are plenty of people who see me just fine. Probably see me more than they would like.
But there are those who no matter how brightly I smile or how much effort I put into looking nice just never seem to realize that I'm standing there at all.
For instance there is a preacher who is my age who I have known at a distance since I was 17. He's friends with my grandfather, was the pastor of the church where my oldest sister got married eight years ago and used to flirt shamelessly with my middles sister before she got married. In the past couple of years he has become the pastor of the church I grew up in. Now, I don't attend this church anymore but I have visited on several occasions. He speaks quite enthusiastically with both of my parents, chats up nicely with all of my grandparents. Teases my niece and jokes with both sisters. I am usually standing right in the midst of all these various family members but does he speak to me? Acknowledge my prescence or even look in my direction? No. Not at all. In fact, the ONLY time the man has ever spoken to me is at the end of the service when he is shaking hands with folks as they exit. I get an obligatory handshake and a "glad you came" while the folks in front of me and behind me get a warm handshake, a pat on the shoulder and a "So good to see ya! How've you been?"
One day a couple of semesters ago he went to see my sister at the registrar's office where she used to work. He was enrolling in some classes and decided to stop by and say hi. They got to talking about our family and he mentioned something about her having a sister. She says yeah, I've got two sisters. He looks at her blankly and asks why he hasn't ever met the other sister. She says "You HAVE met her. Several times." Even shows him a picture of me. He swears up and down he's never seen me before.
And I suppose he hasn't. Not really. I'm invisible to the man.
His way of looking right through me has become a running joke in our family and while it bothers me a tiny bit I don't really think about it all that often.
But the recent change of my hair has caused me to wonder just how many people look through me and I don't even realize it.
As I mentioned in my first post, I recently got a perm. I've had long straight hair for the past couple of years. The perm is a huge change...changes the way I look almost entirely. I've stopped friends in their tracks. Drawn double takes from some of them. It's quite funny actually. What's desturbing though is the amount of people I've long counted among my friends who either haven't noticed the change at all or have finally just now noticed that I let my hair grow out. My own sister walked into my house and talked to me for a good two or three minutes before she even noticed and she knew before hand that I was getting my hair done!!
Then I got to thinking. Maybe I've worked so hard at becoming invisible...at blending in and not getting noticed that it finally worked! For years I have struggled to go un-noticed. Kept my mouth shut and my eyes down. I was raised in the philosophy that children should be seen and not heard in public. We could be as loud as we wanted to be at home but step foot off of home territory and there would be heck to pay if we spoke much above a whisper. And I find myself even at the ripe old age of 26 that when I'm with my family in public I tend to just fade away. I stand quietly behind my dad, much like I did as a child and smile and nod and generally keep my mouth shut. So maybe it's not that poor preachers fault he's never seen me. Maybe it's not my co-workers' fault for not noticing that I changed my hair. I have just finally achieved my super hero ability.
So maybe now that I have this ability I can choose to turn it off. Here's to hoping that the next time I go to my old home church the pastor there says, "Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you, Jana."
hehehe
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