Frightful Findings
Or "Why You Should Never Tell Anyone Where the Hide-A-Key Is"
Ah...the weekend review. That which thou dost so love to read. I'm sure. Heh.
Like it or not, here it is.
So Friday night wasn't so much fodder for blogville as it was just the routine of life. Come home. Eat frozen pizza. Watch copious amounts of television. Wash clothes and dishes. Almost set the house on fire.
Woah! What? House? On fire?
Well, no fire but plenty of smoke. Note to self: Kick yard sale vacuum cleaner to the curb lest you find yourself literally blazing a trail with said vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, I decided to vacuum my bedroom in between Ghost Whisper and Close to Home because switching out loads of laundry during commercials didn't fulfill my need for domestic chores. *rolls eyes* I figured, hey, I've stripped the bed, put the last load in the washer the next logical step is to vacuum, right? Well, I am such a blossom of good luck that out of the three vacuum cleaners I own (yeah I have three and no I don't have a vacuum fetish. Just everyone's discards. So there.) I picked the yard sale one that was prolly twenty years old when I bought it but up until Friday night had always been my favorite because of the easy-to-detach hose thingamajig. (Yes. "hose thingamajig" is a technical term. Look it up.) I picked it because I needed to vacuum between my bed and the wall. So I'm vacuuming away and then...what's that smell? I didn't leave the oven on, did I? Dang, that's awful. Shutting off the vacuum I see the smoke. It's pouring from the vacuum. WTH? By then, the whole house wreaked of vacuum smoke so I had to turn on all the fans in 40 degree weather with the heater still on, mind you. Took me forever to get rid of all the smoke. The vacuum cleaner is currently residing on my porch. I'm thinking of stringing some lights on it Friday while decorating for Christmas and letting that be my version of Redneck Christmas yard ornament. teehehehe (Don't laugh too hard. I'm related to people who would actually DO that. :-O )
Saturday was, by far, much better. If you don't count the breaking and entering. Perceived breaking and entering to be more accurate but I'll get to that in a sec.
Mama picked me up around 8:30 for a day of shopping. We hadn't done that in a long while, just the two of us oooing and ahhhing over stuff we'll never be able to afford. And we were swapping Christmas prezzie ideas. Anyway, we started off with breakfast at MickyD's and busted my "healthy eating regiment" right off the bat with a sausage egg and cheese McGriddle. (I don't call it diet cuz then I'll really scare it off. Besides, "diet" lends to something temporary while I'm trying to make a permanent change.) We swapped secrets over coffee and then set out for Wallyworld. (Chill. We don't have a mall and why go to all the dozens of dang shopping centers in town when there's one stop discount shopping, right? And no, Nicole Ritchie. Wal-Mart does not sell "wall stuff." That would be Lowes.) We perused housewares, clothes, shoes and all manner of girly stuff. Daddy called from my house about an hour into our oooing and ahhing and said he was on his way to town and could he meet up with us to hang for a while. (He got a deer, btw, on opening day. A doe. Proud hunters everywhere applaud. His deer processor, and yes there are such things, lives up the road from me so naturally he invades my home in my absence to grab a drink and make use of the "facilities." Spare keys are of the devil.)
So he shows up at Wallyworld, we laugh, talk, and I drag him off to the sporting goods section aka "man's territory" and pulled some teeth to get him to point out some stuff he wants for Christmas. (Seriously. I don't have any trouble telling folks what I want. But he acts like I'm just supposed to KNOW that he want the 4 D black Maglight instead of the 3D blue Maglight. *rolls eyes*)
Things were going well until we decided we were hungry. Daddy is a strange breed cuz a) he doesn't like chicken and b) he refuses to be rational. lol Our SuperWal-mart took out their snack shop and put in a Subway. Subway fan I am not nor did any of us have the $$$ to buy a sub. Mama and I suggested that we just get something from the deli and bring it the Subway to eat. Daddy flat out refused because he didn't think it was right to bring outside food into a restaurant. Well, I figure a regular restaurant, sure, that might be considered tacky. But this is a Subway in the middle of Wal-Mart. I don't think they'll have us arrested. Worst they could do is ask us to leave in which case there would have been some nasty words passed as to the stupidity of putting a freaking Subway in Wal-Mart but I digress.
So he gets huffy and splits. Mama and I get some popcorn chicken, carry it around with us and eat while we finish shopping. (This behavior embarrasses him too. I think he thinks this makes us whitetrash. I think it makes us smart. It's called multi-tasking. hehe)
Anyhoo, from there we went to Dollar Tree and Kroger. (Yeah we're big shoppers! Woooo!) Kroger was a bit of an experience. hehehe We played "duck and weave" to avoid running into one of Sis2's aunts-in-law. This was probably very juvenile but there was no way we wanted to get cornered by chatty-mouth in the middle of a busy grocery store and be haragued for not joining the choir and Sunday School at church. I'd hate to have to tell a fellow Christian to bite me. We narrowly escaped though and headed for home.
When we pulled into my driveway I was a little put out by the fact that the door to the screened in porch was left open. Daddy knows I have to keep it shut to keep all the critters (both k-9 and squirrel variety) out. What turned it into really frightening though was walking through that open door to find the INSIDE door, yes the door to my house, not only unlocked but slightly ajar. Suddenly the porch door left wide open smacks of a hasty escape and instantly I'm seized with visions of a ransacked house a la every crime drama I've ever seen on TV. I yell for Mama to come "back me up" and I push the door open with my foot. (For some reason I've got visions of fingerprints on the doorknob and the need to not disturb them.) That's where my rationality ends. I walked right on in. Thankfully the only ransacking inside was ransacking perpetuated by myself earlier that morning. My TV, VCR, DVD, stereo and computer were all still there. I felt a little bit like the girl in every slasher film where you're screaming at her "Don't go down the hall, idiot! There's a psycho killer waiting behind the shower curtain and he's going to slice you into itty bitty pieces!" but down the hall I went. Lord knows what I would have done had anyone actually been hiding in any of the closets or behind the shower curtain. Pee my pants and go into cardiac arrest, probably. But alas, there wasn't anyone lurking in any dark corners and believe me, we checked twice before I let mama leave me there alone. Daddy confessed later that he got distracted when he was leaving and likely forgot to go back and shut the door. Doh!
I'd like to believe that I wouldn't have been so brave (stupid?) had I not had Mama with me and had I not known with certainty that Daddy had been there earlier and felt with some modicum of logic that he was the culprit. It still skeesed me out though. When I went to bed that night I kept imagining that I could hear someone lurking about and saw shadows dancing everywhere. Every scenario I'd ever seen on film re-played through my head and I just knew I'd wake up dead in the morning and my poor family would end up on television crying in all their redneck glory about the injustice of such a sweet girl being cut down in the prime of life. They would inevitably find the most unflattering photo of me and it would be displayed endlessly on CNN for all the world to see.
But, as you can see, no such slashing occurred.
Sunday I slept in till just past 7:30 and watched Seasons Eatings on Food Network. Yes. I am a loser fatty who loves to drive herself crazy watching unattainable television shows involving food. But dang, can Paula Dean come up with some drool inducing stuff. Luckily I went to church right after and did penance for lusting over that luscious terduckin. teeheehee
After church I drove out to Mama and Daddy's (yes I'm now on parental overload. lol). Mama had cooked a pot roast, mashed potatoes, squash casserole and biscuits for lunch and ain't no way I was turning that down to eat an empty tortilla, the sole foodlike occupant in my fridge at home. We had a good visit though. I got to hear Daddy's deer hunting tale, cuddle with Mama's dog, Nipper, and badmouth my brothers-in-law. hehe Daddy, unable to stay out of the woods hunting or otherwise, went to "check out the stands" and some massive walkie-talkieing ensued. Men and their toys. *shakes head and grins* AND I convinced (tried to anyway) Mama that I deserve more Christmas presents than my sisters because I'm not married and don't have a husband to lavish me with gifts like they do. She said she agreed but I think she may have been humoring me. Imagine that. :-/
Was home by 5 and played geek while watching "The Secret Life of Thanksgiving" on the Food Network. (No, I'm not obsessed with food. I just play it on TV. hehe) You know, there's actually a lot that I didn't know about the history of Thanksgiving but no I don't remember what all it was. And I also discovered that sweet potato casserole isn't a staple of everyone's Thanksgiving feast. It's a southern thing! I did not know that! Man, the south has all the best kept secrets!
But anyway, that gave way (eventually) to Desperate Housewives and man is George a psycho nutjob! Run Bree! Run!
I went to bed after that because, well, I'm a lazy slob with nothing better to do. And that, my friends, was my weekend. How was yours?
Ah...the weekend review. That which thou dost so love to read. I'm sure. Heh.
Like it or not, here it is.
So Friday night wasn't so much fodder for blogville as it was just the routine of life. Come home. Eat frozen pizza. Watch copious amounts of television. Wash clothes and dishes. Almost set the house on fire.
Woah! What? House? On fire?
Well, no fire but plenty of smoke. Note to self: Kick yard sale vacuum cleaner to the curb lest you find yourself literally blazing a trail with said vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, I decided to vacuum my bedroom in between Ghost Whisper and Close to Home because switching out loads of laundry during commercials didn't fulfill my need for domestic chores. *rolls eyes* I figured, hey, I've stripped the bed, put the last load in the washer the next logical step is to vacuum, right? Well, I am such a blossom of good luck that out of the three vacuum cleaners I own (yeah I have three and no I don't have a vacuum fetish. Just everyone's discards. So there.) I picked the yard sale one that was prolly twenty years old when I bought it but up until Friday night had always been my favorite because of the easy-to-detach hose thingamajig. (Yes. "hose thingamajig" is a technical term. Look it up.) I picked it because I needed to vacuum between my bed and the wall. So I'm vacuuming away and then...what's that smell? I didn't leave the oven on, did I? Dang, that's awful. Shutting off the vacuum I see the smoke. It's pouring from the vacuum. WTH? By then, the whole house wreaked of vacuum smoke so I had to turn on all the fans in 40 degree weather with the heater still on, mind you. Took me forever to get rid of all the smoke. The vacuum cleaner is currently residing on my porch. I'm thinking of stringing some lights on it Friday while decorating for Christmas and letting that be my version of Redneck Christmas yard ornament. teehehehe (Don't laugh too hard. I'm related to people who would actually DO that. :-O )
Saturday was, by far, much better. If you don't count the breaking and entering. Perceived breaking and entering to be more accurate but I'll get to that in a sec.
Mama picked me up around 8:30 for a day of shopping. We hadn't done that in a long while, just the two of us oooing and ahhhing over stuff we'll never be able to afford. And we were swapping Christmas prezzie ideas. Anyway, we started off with breakfast at MickyD's and busted my "healthy eating regiment" right off the bat with a sausage egg and cheese McGriddle. (I don't call it diet cuz then I'll really scare it off. Besides, "diet" lends to something temporary while I'm trying to make a permanent change.) We swapped secrets over coffee and then set out for Wallyworld. (Chill. We don't have a mall and why go to all the dozens of dang shopping centers in town when there's one stop discount shopping, right? And no, Nicole Ritchie. Wal-Mart does not sell "wall stuff." That would be Lowes.) We perused housewares, clothes, shoes and all manner of girly stuff. Daddy called from my house about an hour into our oooing and ahhing and said he was on his way to town and could he meet up with us to hang for a while. (He got a deer, btw, on opening day. A doe. Proud hunters everywhere applaud. His deer processor, and yes there are such things, lives up the road from me so naturally he invades my home in my absence to grab a drink and make use of the "facilities." Spare keys are of the devil.)
So he shows up at Wallyworld, we laugh, talk, and I drag him off to the sporting goods section aka "man's territory" and pulled some teeth to get him to point out some stuff he wants for Christmas. (Seriously. I don't have any trouble telling folks what I want. But he acts like I'm just supposed to KNOW that he want the 4 D black Maglight instead of the 3D blue Maglight. *rolls eyes*)
Things were going well until we decided we were hungry. Daddy is a strange breed cuz a) he doesn't like chicken and b) he refuses to be rational. lol Our SuperWal-mart took out their snack shop and put in a Subway. Subway fan I am not nor did any of us have the $$$ to buy a sub. Mama and I suggested that we just get something from the deli and bring it the Subway to eat. Daddy flat out refused because he didn't think it was right to bring outside food into a restaurant. Well, I figure a regular restaurant, sure, that might be considered tacky. But this is a Subway in the middle of Wal-Mart. I don't think they'll have us arrested. Worst they could do is ask us to leave in which case there would have been some nasty words passed as to the stupidity of putting a freaking Subway in Wal-Mart but I digress.
So he gets huffy and splits. Mama and I get some popcorn chicken, carry it around with us and eat while we finish shopping. (This behavior embarrasses him too. I think he thinks this makes us whitetrash. I think it makes us smart. It's called multi-tasking. hehe)
Anyhoo, from there we went to Dollar Tree and Kroger. (Yeah we're big shoppers! Woooo!) Kroger was a bit of an experience. hehehe We played "duck and weave" to avoid running into one of Sis2's aunts-in-law. This was probably very juvenile but there was no way we wanted to get cornered by chatty-mouth in the middle of a busy grocery store and be haragued for not joining the choir and Sunday School at church. I'd hate to have to tell a fellow Christian to bite me. We narrowly escaped though and headed for home.
When we pulled into my driveway I was a little put out by the fact that the door to the screened in porch was left open. Daddy knows I have to keep it shut to keep all the critters (both k-9 and squirrel variety) out. What turned it into really frightening though was walking through that open door to find the INSIDE door, yes the door to my house, not only unlocked but slightly ajar. Suddenly the porch door left wide open smacks of a hasty escape and instantly I'm seized with visions of a ransacked house a la every crime drama I've ever seen on TV. I yell for Mama to come "back me up" and I push the door open with my foot. (For some reason I've got visions of fingerprints on the doorknob and the need to not disturb them.) That's where my rationality ends. I walked right on in. Thankfully the only ransacking inside was ransacking perpetuated by myself earlier that morning. My TV, VCR, DVD, stereo and computer were all still there. I felt a little bit like the girl in every slasher film where you're screaming at her "Don't go down the hall, idiot! There's a psycho killer waiting behind the shower curtain and he's going to slice you into itty bitty pieces!" but down the hall I went. Lord knows what I would have done had anyone actually been hiding in any of the closets or behind the shower curtain. Pee my pants and go into cardiac arrest, probably. But alas, there wasn't anyone lurking in any dark corners and believe me, we checked twice before I let mama leave me there alone. Daddy confessed later that he got distracted when he was leaving and likely forgot to go back and shut the door. Doh!
I'd like to believe that I wouldn't have been so brave (stupid?) had I not had Mama with me and had I not known with certainty that Daddy had been there earlier and felt with some modicum of logic that he was the culprit. It still skeesed me out though. When I went to bed that night I kept imagining that I could hear someone lurking about and saw shadows dancing everywhere. Every scenario I'd ever seen on film re-played through my head and I just knew I'd wake up dead in the morning and my poor family would end up on television crying in all their redneck glory about the injustice of such a sweet girl being cut down in the prime of life. They would inevitably find the most unflattering photo of me and it would be displayed endlessly on CNN for all the world to see.
But, as you can see, no such slashing occurred.
Sunday I slept in till just past 7:30 and watched Seasons Eatings on Food Network. Yes. I am a loser fatty who loves to drive herself crazy watching unattainable television shows involving food. But dang, can Paula Dean come up with some drool inducing stuff. Luckily I went to church right after and did penance for lusting over that luscious terduckin. teeheehee
After church I drove out to Mama and Daddy's (yes I'm now on parental overload. lol). Mama had cooked a pot roast, mashed potatoes, squash casserole and biscuits for lunch and ain't no way I was turning that down to eat an empty tortilla, the sole foodlike occupant in my fridge at home. We had a good visit though. I got to hear Daddy's deer hunting tale, cuddle with Mama's dog, Nipper, and badmouth my brothers-in-law. hehe Daddy, unable to stay out of the woods hunting or otherwise, went to "check out the stands" and some massive walkie-talkieing ensued. Men and their toys. *shakes head and grins* AND I convinced (tried to anyway) Mama that I deserve more Christmas presents than my sisters because I'm not married and don't have a husband to lavish me with gifts like they do. She said she agreed but I think she may have been humoring me. Imagine that. :-/
Was home by 5 and played geek while watching "The Secret Life of Thanksgiving" on the Food Network. (No, I'm not obsessed with food. I just play it on TV. hehe) You know, there's actually a lot that I didn't know about the history of Thanksgiving but no I don't remember what all it was. And I also discovered that sweet potato casserole isn't a staple of everyone's Thanksgiving feast. It's a southern thing! I did not know that! Man, the south has all the best kept secrets!
But anyway, that gave way (eventually) to Desperate Housewives and man is George a psycho nutjob! Run Bree! Run!
I went to bed after that because, well, I'm a lazy slob with nothing better to do. And that, my friends, was my weekend. How was yours?
Comments
Have a great Thanksgiving and thanks for being one of the two people who actually comment on my blog!