Lizard Hockey and Other True Tails of an Uneventful Weekend
LOL The tale of the lizard goes something like this.
Okay, so Friday, I played hookie from work because I had to rendevous with the Roto Rooter Man (more on him later) to get my septic system unplugged yet again. So, I'm at home Friday morning watching sucky daytime television, drinking copious amounts of green tea when as I'm walking from the living room to the kitchen I glance over into the dining room and see something a little off. I can't really tell what it is. Looks like a stick. But how did a stick get into the house? Leaves, yeah. That's usual. Sticks? Not so much.
So I mosey over to the dining room entrance and lean down to get a better look when suddenly the head of the "stick" moves and gives me a friggen heart attack! It wasn't a stick at all. It was a little brown lizard that sort of blended it with the wood floor. Ugh!
So yeah, I'm a country girl and all but me and reptiles? Well, we ain't the best of friends. For perhaps the second time in my life I wished there was a husband somewhere in the house who I could yell for to come and take care of it. (Cuz really, husbands are only good for a few things. Heavy lifting, dealing with repairmen and getting rid of vermin/reptiles/other unsavory wildlife. Oh and that whole sex thing, I suppose. lol)
So I'm staring this little brown lizard in the face, he's cocking his head to the side as though he's daring me to come and get him. I concede defeat and continue on into the kitchen wondering the whole time just how in the heck I was going to get this thing out of my house. I'm currently in no condition to run so if that thing comes at me I'm screwed, ya know? So I go about my business, making my fifth cup of tea, peering over the counter to look into the dining room and it's still just sort of sitting there. When I pass back by to the living room, he turns around and sort of meanders across the dining room rug towards the table. No eating with reptiles, I think and pray he doesn't decide to climb the dining table. Can you say gross?
So I get back up and go back into the kitchen for a bowl. I can just toss the bowl on top of him and maybe call my dad to come over after he gets off work and take care of it. But then, I think, you know, I'm an independant woman. I can do better than that. Surely. So I put the bowl away and look for the lizard again except he's not where he was. Oh, crap, I think. Where is he? I can feel my skin start to crawl at the thought that he's possibly made his way into the living room and at any moment will be physically assaulting me.
Before too long though, I look back into the living room and he's back in view just coming out from beneath the table. Okay, I think. I've got to get him out of here before my little roto rooter boyfriend gets there because I'll have to go into the dining room to open the door and lord knows where the critter will get off to then.
So being the brilliant minded gal that I am, I grab the broom and decide to sweep him out. Securing my brace, I carefully open the door and sort of skirt the perimeters of the room so as not to give the critter a fright. Too late! He's seen me and is scurrying under the table. So I stomp over to the table as fast as I can and wave the broom at him so he has to turn around and go back the way he came which would put him right in line with the door. Once he's back out, I "rush" back towards him and with one swift swipe with the broom manage to sweep him to the door jamb. Except, he didn't go OUT of the door. Apparently I've stunned him though cuz I get right up to him and sweep him just outside the door and slam the door shut behind him. lol Then I decide, well, he's still on the porch and well, I don't want him coming back in when I open the door the next time so I gently open the door and peek out. He stares up at me and I swear I think I saw his head sort of spinning. lol I go to sweep him out the porch door but he makes a break for it and finds his own way out.
Whew! Was I ever glad when that was over! lol
But yeah, the roto rooter fella. *sigh* Well, had the recurring problem with my septic tank backing up and called the landlord he said call roto rooter and then I waited. Little cutie got there about 11:30 or so and I do mean, he is a cutie. I open the door for him and just kind of grin like a dork at him until I realize, "duh, he probably needs to come in to check things out." But, oy, is he a little cutie. LOL
So he does whatever voo doo he has to do to clear the line and comes back in to have me sign off on it. He tells me, "It's got to be fixed. It's (whatever "it" is) broken this time. It'll keep backing up on you." I'm like, uh, yeah. It's BEEN backing up periodically for the past FIVE FRIGGIN YEARS. Of course, I only giggle and nod at him instead of saying this because really, I've got a head of air till he leaves. He says he'll give them a call and let them know what's what. Don't know who "them" is. Hoping it's my landlord cuz, yeah. I really really REALLY want this taken care of like yesterday. I'm sick of this having to take off work crap just to be able to flush/shower/wash dishes.
I'm serious. If dude doesn't get this taken care off he's in for an ear blistering. Or at the very least, a very polite phone call begging him to please please please let them come out and just dig the dang thing up and put me a new on it. Please?
lol I have no backbone and suck at confrontation. Besides, dude is otherwise a good landlord who charges cheap rent. Don't want to piss him off too terribly bad. I seriously am thinking of finding a new place though. This one, I think, is trying to evict me or something.
Then again, it isn't SO bad to rendevous with the roto rooter fella. I mean it is, after all, the only excitement I get these days. lol Sad ain't it? But yeah. He is that cute. Too bad he stinks to high heaven. And I do mean stink. Hazards of the job, I guess. hehehehehe
So the rest of the weekend was pretty dull. Spent most of the time watching too much TV (lots of food network) a DVD or reading. Can't go anywhere. Got a little nostolgic yesterday and went through all my old photo albums and stuff. It was interesting to see the plethera of styles my hair has seen through the years. The past nine years, especially. Up till I was 18 it was pretty much the same standard look. Long, dark and straight. Sometimes bangs. Sometimes not. But mostly the same. After 18? Well, it was pretty much anyone's guess what my hair would look like from one month to the next. I liked change. Still do. And can't do much to change this body so my hair is the ultimate victim. Poor thing. Even now, much as I like my current long curly hair I'm thinking of getting it cut to maybe shoulder length or so and maybe some fatter curls or something.
But yeah, that was the extent of my weekend. Next weekend should be a little bit more exciting. (sans lizard hockey. lol) Both sisters are coming into town for my birthday "party." And I use the term party loosly. This year it'll probably be just them and a cheesecake. I don't think I've ever had an actual party. This year I won't even get my traditional bonfire because it's too cold and well, my knee isn't up for sitting in lawn chairs yet. Bummer. I'm just hoping that the sisters are in a good mood because so help me if they bum me out on my birthday weekend I'll...I'll...well, whatever I decide to do to them, it won't be pretty. hehehehe
Okay, so Friday, I played hookie from work because I had to rendevous with the Roto Rooter Man (more on him later) to get my septic system unplugged yet again. So, I'm at home Friday morning watching sucky daytime television, drinking copious amounts of green tea when as I'm walking from the living room to the kitchen I glance over into the dining room and see something a little off. I can't really tell what it is. Looks like a stick. But how did a stick get into the house? Leaves, yeah. That's usual. Sticks? Not so much.
So I mosey over to the dining room entrance and lean down to get a better look when suddenly the head of the "stick" moves and gives me a friggen heart attack! It wasn't a stick at all. It was a little brown lizard that sort of blended it with the wood floor. Ugh!
So yeah, I'm a country girl and all but me and reptiles? Well, we ain't the best of friends. For perhaps the second time in my life I wished there was a husband somewhere in the house who I could yell for to come and take care of it. (Cuz really, husbands are only good for a few things. Heavy lifting, dealing with repairmen and getting rid of vermin/reptiles/other unsavory wildlife. Oh and that whole sex thing, I suppose. lol)
So I'm staring this little brown lizard in the face, he's cocking his head to the side as though he's daring me to come and get him. I concede defeat and continue on into the kitchen wondering the whole time just how in the heck I was going to get this thing out of my house. I'm currently in no condition to run so if that thing comes at me I'm screwed, ya know? So I go about my business, making my fifth cup of tea, peering over the counter to look into the dining room and it's still just sort of sitting there. When I pass back by to the living room, he turns around and sort of meanders across the dining room rug towards the table. No eating with reptiles, I think and pray he doesn't decide to climb the dining table. Can you say gross?
So I get back up and go back into the kitchen for a bowl. I can just toss the bowl on top of him and maybe call my dad to come over after he gets off work and take care of it. But then, I think, you know, I'm an independant woman. I can do better than that. Surely. So I put the bowl away and look for the lizard again except he's not where he was. Oh, crap, I think. Where is he? I can feel my skin start to crawl at the thought that he's possibly made his way into the living room and at any moment will be physically assaulting me.
Before too long though, I look back into the living room and he's back in view just coming out from beneath the table. Okay, I think. I've got to get him out of here before my little roto rooter boyfriend gets there because I'll have to go into the dining room to open the door and lord knows where the critter will get off to then.
So being the brilliant minded gal that I am, I grab the broom and decide to sweep him out. Securing my brace, I carefully open the door and sort of skirt the perimeters of the room so as not to give the critter a fright. Too late! He's seen me and is scurrying under the table. So I stomp over to the table as fast as I can and wave the broom at him so he has to turn around and go back the way he came which would put him right in line with the door. Once he's back out, I "rush" back towards him and with one swift swipe with the broom manage to sweep him to the door jamb. Except, he didn't go OUT of the door. Apparently I've stunned him though cuz I get right up to him and sweep him just outside the door and slam the door shut behind him. lol Then I decide, well, he's still on the porch and well, I don't want him coming back in when I open the door the next time so I gently open the door and peek out. He stares up at me and I swear I think I saw his head sort of spinning. lol I go to sweep him out the porch door but he makes a break for it and finds his own way out.
Whew! Was I ever glad when that was over! lol
But yeah, the roto rooter fella. *sigh* Well, had the recurring problem with my septic tank backing up and called the landlord he said call roto rooter and then I waited. Little cutie got there about 11:30 or so and I do mean, he is a cutie. I open the door for him and just kind of grin like a dork at him until I realize, "duh, he probably needs to come in to check things out." But, oy, is he a little cutie. LOL
So he does whatever voo doo he has to do to clear the line and comes back in to have me sign off on it. He tells me, "It's got to be fixed. It's (whatever "it" is) broken this time. It'll keep backing up on you." I'm like, uh, yeah. It's BEEN backing up periodically for the past FIVE FRIGGIN YEARS. Of course, I only giggle and nod at him instead of saying this because really, I've got a head of air till he leaves. He says he'll give them a call and let them know what's what. Don't know who "them" is. Hoping it's my landlord cuz, yeah. I really really REALLY want this taken care of like yesterday. I'm sick of this having to take off work crap just to be able to flush/shower/wash dishes.
I'm serious. If dude doesn't get this taken care off he's in for an ear blistering. Or at the very least, a very polite phone call begging him to please please please let them come out and just dig the dang thing up and put me a new on it. Please?
lol I have no backbone and suck at confrontation. Besides, dude is otherwise a good landlord who charges cheap rent. Don't want to piss him off too terribly bad. I seriously am thinking of finding a new place though. This one, I think, is trying to evict me or something.
Then again, it isn't SO bad to rendevous with the roto rooter fella. I mean it is, after all, the only excitement I get these days. lol Sad ain't it? But yeah. He is that cute. Too bad he stinks to high heaven. And I do mean stink. Hazards of the job, I guess. hehehehehe
So the rest of the weekend was pretty dull. Spent most of the time watching too much TV (lots of food network) a DVD or reading. Can't go anywhere. Got a little nostolgic yesterday and went through all my old photo albums and stuff. It was interesting to see the plethera of styles my hair has seen through the years. The past nine years, especially. Up till I was 18 it was pretty much the same standard look. Long, dark and straight. Sometimes bangs. Sometimes not. But mostly the same. After 18? Well, it was pretty much anyone's guess what my hair would look like from one month to the next. I liked change. Still do. And can't do much to change this body so my hair is the ultimate victim. Poor thing. Even now, much as I like my current long curly hair I'm thinking of getting it cut to maybe shoulder length or so and maybe some fatter curls or something.
But yeah, that was the extent of my weekend. Next weekend should be a little bit more exciting. (sans lizard hockey. lol) Both sisters are coming into town for my birthday "party." And I use the term party loosly. This year it'll probably be just them and a cheesecake. I don't think I've ever had an actual party. This year I won't even get my traditional bonfire because it's too cold and well, my knee isn't up for sitting in lawn chairs yet. Bummer. I'm just hoping that the sisters are in a good mood because so help me if they bum me out on my birthday weekend I'll...I'll...well, whatever I decide to do to them, it won't be pretty. hehehehe
Comments
Glad you had a nice, quiet weekend, despite the run-in with the lizard - although they actually do make good housemates. They do eat insects, you know. ;-)