Sisters and stuff

So Sis2 and her dh, whom I've decided to begin referring to as Goofus (not in a derogatory way. A semi-affectionate pet name that can change tones at any given time), came to town this weekend. For an actual weekend stay. A first, I might add, for these two who are mostly still newlyweds. We all had it on good authority to never expect this particular sort of visit as Goofus is unhealthily attached to the idea of sleeping in his own bed. Alas, marriage and all it's benefits must have swayed him because TA DA! There they were, parked at my folk's house from Friday night till late Sunday afternoon. Amazing what marital benefits can produce, eh?

I think, in some small way, Sis2 wanted me to come out Friday night, too, but I realized after a little thinking about it that um, no. That probably wouldn't be the ideal solution for me. I love my sister. I love my parents. And I lo--well, if not love, then tolerably like Goofus. However, an entire weekend in a cramped little house with the parental units, my sister and her husband and the dog? Well, not so much. A girl's gotta have some peace in a weekend's time, right?

So I decided to nix going Friday night, opting instead to stay home and enjoy Ghost Whisperer in the quiet bliss of my own home. Had I gone out to my folks' house I'd have been forced to endure the Joys of Fishing or some other such nonsense because really? The man (and it had to be a man) who invented all those outdoor channels with all those lamo, boring as all getout hunting and fishing shows should be drug out into the street, forced to watch Lifetime for a year and then hanged by their freshly polished toenails.

But I digress.

Mama and I had discussed the possibility of perhaps us girls getting together for breakfast Saturday morning while the men folk were doing manly stuff like turkey hunting. I neglected, however, to remind her how fruitless those plans of ours would be if she happened to mention them to the menfolk because men, as is their plot in life, like to ruin girly plans. So mama ratted out our girly plans and Daddy whined, "What about me and Goofus? We want breakfast here when we get out of the woods." And thus ended our plans for breakfast. Jana? Not so happy. I was looking forward to that breakfast because we were going to go to the buffet at Barnhill's and pig out on REAL bacon. I haven't had REAL bacon in over a year. And by REAL bacon, I mean not TURKEY bacon. *sigh and pout*

Since our Saturday morning plans were busted, I decided to run to Wal-Mart early early and pick up a few things. Ended up coming out with Slimfast (for me to "eat" after my dental surgery Thursday), milk, coffee and a bottle of Pina Colada mix because let's face it. By this point I figured boozing it up was the only way I was going to survive the weekend. Too bad the rum was at the folks' house because I wanted to get an early start. hehehehe

I suppose it was about 9:30 or so when I finally made it out to my folks' house (laundry in hand thanks to the stupid busted washing machine) and by then the men were already out of the woods, sans turkey or other dead wildlife as apparently the turkeys and other wildlife have Daddy and Goofus's number and refused to make an appearance. ;-) Had to pout to get Daddy to help me haul in my laundry. Goofus was playing on his phone so he was no help AT ALL...useless man. Well, useless to ME. I'm sure Sis2 finds his uses. hehehehe

By this point, I'm ready to just veg out and talk girly talk because I haven't had a quiet moment with Sis2 in FOREVER since Sis1 is usually around when we try to talk and trying to talk when Sis1 is around is like trying to talk in the middle of a hurricane. But Mama was bound and determined to get out and DO something and Sis2 wanted to go to town and look for some clothes because a) she's outgrown all hers and b) the dinky little town she lives in now has NOTHING. Really, it shouldn't even be considered a town. But anyway, I wasted as much time as I could stall until they dragged the men into the scenario and promised them bbq. *sigh*

So off to town we went. Never mind that the festival was downtown or that it was like 90 degrees and I really didn't want to go. I did perk up at the thought of bbq though because we were going to Little Dooey's which is like too yummy to balk at. All I really wanted was a plate of onion slivers. We get to town though and Dooey's is fresh out of parking spaces so we had to drive around and park at the shopping center located WELL behind it and walk. Would have been well worth it save for the fact that Dooey's was OUT OF ONION SLIVERS!!! How can you be out of onion slivers? They had onion rings. Slivers are just the next step down, right? Sliver up some of the rings. And no, for the record. The rings aren't as good as the slivers. They just aren't. So don't ask me why.

But despite the lack of slivers and the flat drinks everyone but me had (I drank sweet tea) we had a pretty good time. The bbq was good as ever and we ordered a plate of fried pickles. (don't knock it till you've tried it.) Sis2 ended up wearing some ranch dressing but it was all good. hehehe

Then we headed off to Lowe's because Sis2 and Goofus wanted to buy some more flowers for their yard. Seems everyone in my family is into flowers and landscaping these days. They get really excited about it too, waxing poetic about verbenas and gladioloas and whatever the hecks. Me? My eyes glaze over and my ears start to bleed at just the thought of all that outdoor work. Southern girl, I am. Outdoorsy girl I ain't. I'm much more suited to the ideal southern belle sitting on the swing of the screened in porch under the ceiling fan sipping a glass of iced sweet tea. Yup. Put a romance novel in my hand and that's me. ;-)

But Lowe's. Yeah. Well, I had to take a potty break because that sweet tea at Dooey's is strong so I dragged Mama inside away from all the plants. She swore she knew where the restrooms were so I had to take her with me. Well, we're scurrying towards the back of the store when someone thumps me on the back. Daddy had followed us in. "Where ya going?" I look at him blankly as I know he had heard me discussing the need of a restroom with Mama. A smart alecky comment was on the very tip of my tongue but I'd already used up two of the three freebies he usually allows me before he bites my head off so I smiled and said, "Restroom" without even using The Tone. Of course, he smirks and says, "Going the wrong way" which enlists an argument from my mother and I'm standing there crossing my legs while they hash it out, praying all the while that I didn't leave a puddle on the floor of Lowe's. Daddy won out when Mama conceded that she was confused because the Lowe's in Tupelo has their restrooms at the back. (Are ya'lls eyes crossing yet at all this restroom talk? lol)

That all finally settled and taken care of, we meet back up with Daddy and Mama insists we go look at washers while we're there. She's knows I have a plan on how I'm going to buy one and I didn't have the means to follow through on it that day but when Mama insists, it's easier to take the path of least resistance than to argue. She'd have gotten mad, pouted and then spent the rest of the weekend sniping about how I should have gone to look at them while we were in there. So off we went. I found the exact one I wanted, having looked it up on the internet the day before. It's a GE on sale for a reasonable price and I already knew I was going to get it. Just working on the when. Well, parents being parents, they had to check it out and all the payment options, specials, delivery...all that juicy stuff that a dumb kid like me would never think of despite that fact that I'm fairly certain the staff at Lowe's would have made sure I knew all details of such a purchase. Then they got into an argument about whether or not I should get a Lowe's card even though I didn't want one and had every intention of paying cash (out of my tax refund). Anyway, it was this whole big useless thing and they ended up getting miffed at each other and Daddy stormed off one direction and Mama stormed off in another and I was just standing there rolling my eyes before deciding to trail after Mama because at this point, she's the lesser of two evils and I at least know how to calm her down. Daddy's still an enigma to me even after all these years.

Parents! *rolls eyes and sighs*

At anyrate, Mama and I strolled around the store looking at bathroom fixtures and stuff because one of these years I'm going to be obscenely wealthy and I have every intention of renovating and updating my folks' house for them. It's in dire need. Trust me.

Thankfully, by the time we met back up with Daddy and the other two, Daddy had calmed down as well. Apparently he, unlike me, relieves his stress by buying flowers. I relieve mine with food. Too bad I don't like flowers. Sis2 and Goofus ended up buying a white rose bush among other things. I bought nothing. :-)

We sent the men on out to the vehicles and us girls trailed behind and I got suckered into the shopping excursion that Mama and Sis2 had been whining about all day. So we sent the men folk on to the country and we headed across the parking lot to Cato's where I mentally wept and Sis2 found two pair of pants and a blouse and Mama spent what seemed like HOURS combing through the clearance racks. I might have enjoyed pawing through the racks if I'd had some $$$ to spend on them but...well. A washer is on my horizon so clothes get shoved to the back. Waaaaay back.

Finally dragged them kicking and screaming from there and they suckered me into going to Dirt Cheap, this hideously filthy mostly junk discount store across town. I have nothing against discount stores or junk stores for that matter. This one, however, is just...yuck! Filthy and in total disarray. But, they have super cheap clothes so Sis2 was determined to see what she could find...which was nothing. And that was after nearly an hour of relentless searching. Again, I had to drag them out kicking and screaming under the threat of murder. Finally...FINALLY we headed home.

Once there, we realized that the men had decided to ditch US and went fishing without us. So, we unloaded the car and headed out after them. Fortunately for them, the pond we fish at is just down the road from my folks' house. Mama and Sis2 decided to walk since they're both concerned about some recent weight gain. I drove though because by this time, I was having some serious pain issues with me knee and leg. Of course, my driving meant that I got there WELL ahead of the other two. When Daddy and Goofus saw it was just me in the car they were like, "Where's the other two?" to which I responded, "Oh, they aren't coming. They were too tired so they're just going to take a nap while we fish." Silly boogers actually believed me for like half a second till they saw the other two top the hill on their way to us. ehehehehe Yeah, I used up my last freebie, but it was worth it.

The men folk had been catching Crappie right and left till we got there and then nuthin'. Of course we got the blame for it. Something like we brought the noise with us. Like fish can hear. *rolls eyes* We all know that that "scaring the fish" thing was just something that men made up to make their wives and kids shut up.

Mama ended up catching one decent sized Bass and one baby one. Me and Sis2 didn't catch nuthin'. Actually, that's not entirely true. I did actually snag several but lost 'em before I could reel 'em in. After about the fifth time that happened I threw in the towel and just played around for a while. Me and Sis2 went off to the far end of the pond and she continued to fish and talked while I scouted the area for interesting wild life-ish stuff. Think I found a little mini-hornets nest but I didn't mess with it much to make sure. I'm dumb but I ain't stoopid. *snort*

Guess it was about 7 or 7:30 when we finally packed it in and headed home, me driving again and the other two walking. The men folk stayed out for a few minutes longer to see if us leaving would bring out the fish agian. It didn't. *snicker*

Of course, this meant that they were cleaning the fish they had caught in the dark while Mama cooked supper. I'll just say this and then I'm done with the fish. Men who clean fish stink. Literally. Blech!

Didn't break out the Pina Coladas until nearly 9:30 and then it was just me and Daddy who drank 'em. Sis2 drank a small one, the sissy. All that fun had given Goofus a headache though so he took some Tylenol instead. Wimp.

I slept like a log that night though. Two cheers for Pina Coladas! hehehe

Sunday I got up. Walked into the kitchen where Mama was working on breakfast and instead of good morning, I said, "Um. Mama? There's something something on fire in the oven." A frantic race to extinguish a fiery tator tot from last night's supper ensued, involving a bunch of salt and a pair of tongs. What fun it was to listen to Daddy issue suggestions from his recliner in the living room. Real helpful there, old man. Never mind the FIRE IN THE OVEN. You just relax and finish watching that fishing show there.

*more eye rolling*

Men.

So anyway, fire extinguished and oven mostly clean, we get about the business of making breakfast. Or at least mama does. I limp back into the living room and hurl myself onto the other recliner because ya'll? My knee was hurtin' something awfull. It had swollen some from the previous day's activities and I was in misery. I don't mention it to Daddy though cuz he thinks I'm faking it whenever I complain about my knee. Like you can fake a torn ligament and swollen knee. *pout*

Anyhow, Sis2 rolls out of bed coughing through the smoke left behind from the infamous burning tator tot. The rest of the morning goes smoothly until...

*sigh* We're all dressed and ready to go to church, just waiting on Mama to finish up whatever it is she does. Sis2 starts something that I just really would love to smack her for because up till then I've managed to avoid this topic. She brings up the preacher. You know the one. The preacher at my folks' church. The one who annoys me no end with his hot/cold/lukewarm routine. Well, she has decided that his hot/cold/lukewarm routine means he's into me. As in, he likes me. (Sweet mercy I feel like I'm 14 again.) She teases me unmercifully about it. THEN, what's worse, Mama overheard her and joined in! I swear. I wanted to crawl under a rock and just hide out for a while. I HATE being teased about stuff like that because it totally messes with my head. Suddenly I'm seeing things that aren't there and reading WAAAAAY too much into stuff. And...well, he's a preacher. Not exactly my type. Nothing wrong with preachers, mind you. I'm related to more than my share. But. Yeah. Preacher's wife/girlfriend material, I'm not.

So this is the garbage I take with me to church, thanks to my lovely family. Sis2 even teases me about it while we're sitting on the pew waiting for the service to start. I finally tell her in as seriously pleading a tone as I can to please not do that. It isn't funny. It was funny when I did it to her pre-Goofus, but it isn't funny doing it to me. hehehehe She promised she'd stop and she did. But it was kind of like shutting the barn door after the cow's gotten out. Mama had already gotten on a role with it and it was already in my head like some toxic waste that just festers there until it produces a cancer and eventually I'll go stark raving mad.

*sigh*

I know I'm messed up in the head because after the service as we were leaving, he shook my hand and I could have sworn he held onto it far longer than necessary. Which is just plane dumb.

Oy ve!

So now I can never ever ever go back to my parents' church ever again. ;-)

After church, we went back to the house and I couldn't even tell you what we did. Well, I can tell you one thing. After lunch, Daddy, Goofus and Sis2 all went outside to play with Daddy's yellow lab, Sugar. Mama was doing whatever it is mama's do and I was reclining in the living room watching a fishing show. (No. I haven't crossed over to the dark side. I was just under strick orders not to touch the remote and my book was all the way in the dining room and yeah. I was too lazy to go get it.) This commercial comes on for Ball-zeee. Apparently someone has invented this thing that cleans your balls so that you know longer have to lick them or spit on them. Golf balls, people. Golf balls. Sheesh! hehehehehe but yeah. Pretty snarky commercials cuz if it hadn't been accompanied by images of golfers and golf balls I'd have totally been rolling in the floor. Heck, I was anyway. A product named Ball-zeee? I can only assume that the pun is intentional and whoever came up with that part about no longer having to lick your balls has a wicked sense of humor. So yeah, that was the highlight of my Sunday. hehehe

Sis2 and Goofus left around 4 and I stuck around until 5 and watched my parent's sleep until the last load of my laundry was dry. Then I headed home to my sweet, blissfully peaceful home. Thank Heaven. ;-)

And that, as they say, is that. My weekend. How was yours?