Thinking Is Highly Overated

So you writers all know the term "head hopping?" You know, where the POV switches at random from one character to the other? (I used to be a wretched head hopper, btw, until the illustriously talented Missy Pet pointed out my foibles. I mean, I used to head hop so much that I'd be hopping into heads that weren't even IN THE SCENE. hehehehehe Okay, so I wasn't that bad but almost.) I feel as though my brain is constantly head hopping within itself these days. As though there are a million thoughts all vying for attention at once and whichever shouts the loudest gets its fifteen minutes of fame before the next thought pushes its way to the surface. I know it's a combination of stress, latent decompression from when I was thrust into the position of being "in charge" and the usual cast of characters that run rampant in that vast wasteland also known as my mind.

I imagine that this must be something of what folks with ADD put up with on a daily basis.

But you know, it's annoying. Really annoying. It's like, I'll be working on something and then for a few seconds the thought process stalls and then I can't remember what I was thinking or doing and then I remember something entirely different I needed to be doing and it's only YEARS (okay, an hour or so) later that I recall what it was I was doing to start with--only to repeat the same process over! And I swear I'm not menopausal! I'm only 27 (almost 8)!

And all this is jumbled up with, you know, obsessions on him and even those thoughts hop heads a lot. Switching from frustration, to embarrassment, to disbelief, to aggravation, to denial, and so on and so forth. And naturally I replay every word, look, gesture, etc. from the past two or three YEARS and analyze it to death. I swear. I've only ever spun my tail over a fella this much once in my life and back then I had the excuse of being fourteen! (And in case you hadn't noticed, I'm long since past the teen years!) (Well, numerically speaking. Maturity levels still indicate a noticeably teenage tendency...)

To make matters worse, I've been cruising so-called "dating message boards" looking for insights into what the crap is going on with me and this newest obsession. (Gosh, I miss the days of Keith Urban! It was so much simpler to obsess over a man I'd never actually meet, much less DATE.)

And all this makes me feel wildly pathetic. I'm supposedly a strong and independent woman. I don't NEED a man (and I maintain that I don't. Wanting...now wanting is an entirely different matter. And even that makes me feel stupid.) to fulfill my life. I don't NEED a romantic relationship to feel validated. And I sure as crap don't need this added stress.

But why the heck can't men just, you know, be men? Why do they have to be such girls? I swear. Nice girls like me will not bite...unless you ask us to. Even then, we'll bite politely. hehehe

And yes. I know. Guys are just as insecure as girls when it comes to dating and relationships. If I learned nothing else from my sojourn into the dating message boards, I learned this. And I am grossly insecure when it comes to the opposite sex. Heck, let's be honest here. I'm just grossly insecure. Period. I don't even believe MYSELF half the time when I tell me I like me. Much less anyone else. *snicker*

And here I go obsessing again.

Focus. That's what I need to do.

Now. Where was I?

Yeah. My thought process. Head hopping. Right.

Crap. I totally forgot my point. I need a long vacation on a deserted island with only hunky cabana boys, chocolate, juicy romance novels and pina coladas for company. (You know, I originally had "desserted" island until I realized my bad speller was showing and corrected it. But being that I want hunky cabana boys and chocolate, "desserted" might be more appropriate anyhow.)

In other news (yes I'm switching gears), Pa-Paw is doing much better. He might actually get to come home tomorrow! Yay! He was up walking a bit yesterday and just said he felt so much better as a whole. So that's great news.

Oh, and switching gears again, I had a totally weird text message show up on my cell from a number I've no clue to whom it belongs. I don't even DO text messaging. I didn't even know my phone COULD do it. But anyway it was just two words: "Who's this?" I'm tempted to try texting them back with something like, "Well, if you don't know why are you texting me?" except that's an awful long sentence to text and I really don't want to engage some freak who texts people he/she doesn't even know. Besides, for all I know, it could be Mr. Driveway Man from before who's somehow tracked down my cell phone number and has decided to use text messaging as his newest means to mess with my head since it's been too cold to sit in his truck and watch me. As if I need anything else messing with THAT disaster area. And now I've scared myself.

*rolls eyes and sighs*

Anyway, I've probably given ya'll enough to fry YA'LL's brains. Have fun with that. Oh, and if you see me wandering around with a blank look, kindly turn me around and point me back towards home, will you?

Just as an afterthought, I must admit that I love the new spell check feature of the new blogger. hehehehe So much easier and better.