Genetics
Unfortunately, besides diabetes, heart disease and thyroid issues, mild depression also runs in my family. A large part of my rant on here last week had to do with that. I'm still in a bit of a funk. Itchy and restless and not entirely content with my life. I think I'm gaining a grip on it again, though. Hopefully things will even out soon. Unfortunately for you guys, I subject ya'll to this sort of thing through this blog a little more often than I should.
It's good for me in that I have an avenue in which to vent and whine to people I trust (and the world at large! Eek! lol)--something I would never be able to do with my face to face friends and family. Not that I don't trust them, it's just they either don't understand it, make me feel small for it or try to "best" me in a "woe is me" competition. Sorry. My depressive episodes are not up for "who's the most depressed" contests. Thankyouverymuch.
Ya'll, on the other hand, bend over backwards to cheer me up. Which is great that you care that much. Honestly. I just want ya'll to know that when I get in these funks and vent here about them, I don't expect ya'll to "fix" me. Just knowing that ya'll are listening--maybe understanding and empathizing--is enough to make me feel better. The last thing I want to do is burden anyone with my issues. They are, after all, my issues. Built up over a lifetime. I don't expect ya'll to know how to help me get past them but I appreciate the efforts--even if at times I may seem ungrateful.
I don't always realize what's happening with these funks until I'm nearly out of them. In the meantime, I indulge in some self-destructive behaviors such as binge-eating, being overly critical of myself, whining, reacting negatively to events and people around me. I try to keep those behaviors from affecting my friends--and I do a fairly good job of it in my face to face friendships because of the above mentioned reasons but unfortunately for ya'll, I don't so such a good job of it here. It's exhausting keeping the happy face on all the time. Thanks for always "listening" and never really judging.
Just know that for now, this particular funk is almost done with me. I feel a bit better today than I did yesterday and a LOT better than I did last week. Largely due to the support of you amazing friends. So thanks.
It's good for me in that I have an avenue in which to vent and whine to people I trust (and the world at large! Eek! lol)--something I would never be able to do with my face to face friends and family. Not that I don't trust them, it's just they either don't understand it, make me feel small for it or try to "best" me in a "woe is me" competition. Sorry. My depressive episodes are not up for "who's the most depressed" contests. Thankyouverymuch.
Ya'll, on the other hand, bend over backwards to cheer me up. Which is great that you care that much. Honestly. I just want ya'll to know that when I get in these funks and vent here about them, I don't expect ya'll to "fix" me. Just knowing that ya'll are listening--maybe understanding and empathizing--is enough to make me feel better. The last thing I want to do is burden anyone with my issues. They are, after all, my issues. Built up over a lifetime. I don't expect ya'll to know how to help me get past them but I appreciate the efforts--even if at times I may seem ungrateful.
I don't always realize what's happening with these funks until I'm nearly out of them. In the meantime, I indulge in some self-destructive behaviors such as binge-eating, being overly critical of myself, whining, reacting negatively to events and people around me. I try to keep those behaviors from affecting my friends--and I do a fairly good job of it in my face to face friendships because of the above mentioned reasons but unfortunately for ya'll, I don't so such a good job of it here. It's exhausting keeping the happy face on all the time. Thanks for always "listening" and never really judging.
Just know that for now, this particular funk is almost done with me. I feel a bit better today than I did yesterday and a LOT better than I did last week. Largely due to the support of you amazing friends. So thanks.
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Aunt B