Turmoil

Seems that's the name of the game, these days. I'm in turmoil because for once I desperately want some things to change in my life and they don't seem to be changing the way I want them to (or as quickly as I'd like).

And there are things I want to do but I don't know how or am not equipped to do them. I want to simplify my life so badly but in the simplification, things are becoming so much more complicated. It's driving me nuts!

You know, I don't ask for a lot out of life. I have my family who I love, a dog I adore and enough friends to keep me from being terribly lonely. All I require after that is food on the table, clothes on my back and a sufficient roof over my head. And maybe a little less worry.

That's the biggy. I'd love to not have to worry. Worry about money, worry about my family's various situations. Worry that I'm not doing all that I'm supposed to.

I think that's the biggest worry. I mean, I know from past experience that God takes care of those little worries like money and such. And I trust Him fully to provide my family's needs. What I can't seem to get a grip on is figuring out if I'm doing my part. Am I following His plan? And how do I know if I am or not? I listen and pray and seek Him but I'm a lowly foolish human, easily distracted by the crap of the world. What if I've missed His direction and am either a) going in the entirely wrong direction or b) sitting still when I should be moving on or c) wanting to go when I should be staying still? I can just picture Him reading this post and shaking his head. Probably groaning and rubbing His temple. Don't you know I probably frustrate Him to no end? But then, I'm not alone in that. There's a universe of people who likely frustrate him as much or more. So at least He's not just shaking his head at me. lol

*sigh*