Holy Outline, Batman!
You know, I haven't thought a lot about writing in a long time. Oh sure, I write off and on for Drifters. (These days more off than on.) Writing with the notion of getting published? Not so much. For a lot of different reasons I sort of shoved that into the background of my mind, assigning it as frivolous. Sort of like my long ago and childish dream of making it in Nashville. You know the place. The place where your insecurities disregard all the things you thought you wanted to do but never thought you were good enough for? Yeah. That place.
And so with the dream left to shiver in the dark recesses of my insecurities I just--I didn't think about it anymore. I've continued writing for Drifters mostly because there are other people counting on my participation. But I find myself resisting. The so-called Muse reluctant to get too emotionally involved in it because even there I find myself thinking, "I suck at this. Why do I bother? Others are so much better at it than me." And so I lag.
Yesterday, though, I was cleaning out the cubby over my desk and came across a fat folder titled, innocently enough, "Research Done." I figured it was research for, you know, werk. That thing I supposedly get paid for? Yeah, that. What I found was a kick in the gut. A reminder of a time when thoughts of writing consumed me. An entire outline of a series of novels I had planned to write complete with character sheets, basic outline, and *gasp* even book titles! I had so mapped it out that it didn't even seem as though it could have come from me. (I'm a panster! lol)
Standing back and looking at them now, I can't even recall what inspired the ideas. What was it about these characters and their stories that had me so enraptured? It all seems so foreign to me now. That makes me kinda sad.
I wish I could say that finding those outlines inspired me to return to my writing. To climb back up on that horse and ride. But with so much distance between me and the writing fever I can't make any such promise. I can only look back at it and stare in wonder at what might have been.
And so with the dream left to shiver in the dark recesses of my insecurities I just--I didn't think about it anymore. I've continued writing for Drifters mostly because there are other people counting on my participation. But I find myself resisting. The so-called Muse reluctant to get too emotionally involved in it because even there I find myself thinking, "I suck at this. Why do I bother? Others are so much better at it than me." And so I lag.
Yesterday, though, I was cleaning out the cubby over my desk and came across a fat folder titled, innocently enough, "Research Done." I figured it was research for, you know, werk. That thing I supposedly get paid for? Yeah, that. What I found was a kick in the gut. A reminder of a time when thoughts of writing consumed me. An entire outline of a series of novels I had planned to write complete with character sheets, basic outline, and *gasp* even book titles! I had so mapped it out that it didn't even seem as though it could have come from me. (I'm a panster! lol)
Standing back and looking at them now, I can't even recall what inspired the ideas. What was it about these characters and their stories that had me so enraptured? It all seems so foreign to me now. That makes me kinda sad.
I wish I could say that finding those outlines inspired me to return to my writing. To climb back up on that horse and ride. But with so much distance between me and the writing fever I can't make any such promise. I can only look back at it and stare in wonder at what might have been.
Comments
Doesn't hurt to sit down and try, but only if you want to. And don't let nerves or lack of confidence knock you down. I'm the queen of insecurities and I'm still doing it. *sigh*
Guess it all depends on a what a person truly wants, you know? :) I've been wanting to write ever since I can remember, so for me it's something I HAVE to do. :)
:-\