The Posts That Never Were
I had two posts typed up on what happened to me this weekend and couldn't bring myself to post them. They alternately seemed TMI and stupid/silly and the more I wrote and re-read them, the worse I felt. So I didn't post either of them.
Half out of fear ya'll would think me pathetic and half because I FELT (feel) pathetic. *shakes head*
The gist of it is this: I got my little feelings hurt--big time. I took some things my mother said, marinated them in my own insecurities and rolled around in them until I stunk of them. Deep down in the core of who I am, I still feel a little betrayed, unloved, and unwelcome in the world. But that's my depressive nature having a field day. I'm almost 95% sure my mother didn't mean for me to feel the way I felt but there it is.
Parents have NO IDEA how what they say and the way they say things can affect their child--even a grown one. It's why I lecture Sis1 constantly on the things she says to Emmy. Seemingly innocent things that make ME writhe with hurt. And I have no idea what happened to me to ever make me so sensitive to them in the first place. It almost makes a girl want to give in and go to therapy already.
Half out of fear ya'll would think me pathetic and half because I FELT (feel) pathetic. *shakes head*
The gist of it is this: I got my little feelings hurt--big time. I took some things my mother said, marinated them in my own insecurities and rolled around in them until I stunk of them. Deep down in the core of who I am, I still feel a little betrayed, unloved, and unwelcome in the world. But that's my depressive nature having a field day. I'm almost 95% sure my mother didn't mean for me to feel the way I felt but there it is.
Parents have NO IDEA how what they say and the way they say things can affect their child--even a grown one. It's why I lecture Sis1 constantly on the things she says to Emmy. Seemingly innocent things that make ME writhe with hurt. And I have no idea what happened to me to ever make me so sensitive to them in the first place. It almost makes a girl want to give in and go to therapy already.
Comments
Sorry you had a bad weekend. Here's hoping the next one is much better, especially since it's your birthday weekend!
Bridget~Thanks, hon. I know you do. I'm really just trying to get over it, though. Nothing's going to change it. It's just me that's gotta change the way I let people affect me.