Pray For Daddy
So Friday was interesting.
Went to lunch thinking the world was round and all was good and happy and then...
Mama walks into the staff lounge talking on her cell phone. I've got my lunch in the microwave, a bag of potato chips in hand and I'm munching away and joking with a co-worker. Suddenly, Mama hisses, "Oh no," and sinks to the floor. I'm still munching on chips and watching her. I know something not great has happened but Mama can be a bit dramatic at times so I'm not altogether worried. And then she starts crying. A number of devastating thoughts pass through my mind as I listen to her. I have no idea who she's talking to or what they're saying. I can only hear her end which is mostly things like, "No, no," and "Do I need to come stay with you?" "Are you sure you're okay?"
My heart's beating so loudly I can feel it vibrating my shirt and I can hear the blood rushing to my ears. I'm thinking either something's happened to Sis2's baby or something's happened to my grandmother. She won't look at me or even even acknowledge that I'm standing there freaking out and my coworker keeps asking me what's wrong, like I know.
And then she hangs up the phone and doesn't say anything for a moment. "What's happened? What is it?" I ask and she just shakes her head as she's crying. And then she reveals, "That was Daddy. The doctor just called and told him that they think he's got Leukemia and he's got to go see a specialist."
The bottom just completely fell out from under me and then I couldn't even process it before everyone in the lounge descended on us like vultures because you know folks like nothing more than to celebrate another person's misery. *sigh* No, I know I'm being unfair. At least two of them were genuinely concerned but still...
Anyway, Daddy calls back and says the appointment was set for 2pm that afternoon in Columbus. So Mama rushed out the door and just left me and I was getting sort of numb and she comes back because, duh, I didn't have my car and I needed to leave and go babysit for Sis2.
I swear, I think I must have left work in a complete fog. I put my lunch away and came up upstairs to talk to my supervisor about leaving early and gather my things. I think if I'd had to stay at work with all that in my head I'd have gone crazy. Mostly from worry but also because everyone wanted to know what was going on and I hadn't even had time to process it yet, you know? I mean, it had JUST HAPPENED and we didn't even know anything for sure. And people felt they needed to know.
But being with Alyssa made a huge difference. You don't really have a lot of time to sit around and worry and cry and chew on the "what ifs" when you have a 19-month old to entertain and keep track of. So we played and Libby ate a crayon and Alyssa tried to tell me that she'd dropped it and Libby was eating it but I thought she was just babbling Libby's name like she normally does. Fortunately they make most crayons non-toxic these days. *shakes head* I think Libby liked the look of the technicolor poop she had later, though. hehehe
Anyway, turns out he DOES have Leukemia though we don't know for certain what kind yet. They did a bone marrow biopsy and we'll get the results back from that on Thursday. Until then it's a wait and pray thing. The doctor seemed fairly confident that it's the highly successfully treated kind, though. He said if that's the case there's a magic blue pill that will take care of it and Daddy will never even know he was sick.
It's just such a shock, though, because we were completely unprepared. I mean, looking back, there were tons of signs...loss of appetite, fatigue, weight loss, stomach issues--that sort of thing, but we thought it was a combination of not being able to eat due to his dental problems and maybe that he was a little anemic from the blood loss related to his dental issues. Leukemia never crossed our minds.
To be honest, we've all been a little worried about him anyway because he was starting to look old and tired all the time. Sort of frail. And Daddy has NEVER been frail. Not even when he had his triple bypass surgery in 2004 did he look all that frail. But lately he has. You can definitely see the decreased muscle mass because he's always been a muscle-y man with big muscled arms. I remember when we were kids he'd trick all my cousins and friends (and even me a time or two) into putting fingers in the crook of his elbow and then he'd flex his muscles and pinch the dickens out of our fingers. lol
I took my time to really break down Friday night, though. I prayed about it and cried on Libby's shoulder and she didn't seem to care that mama was having a meltdown. So long as I kept scratching her belly she said I was good to cry as much as I wanted. lol Once I finally turned it over to God, I felt much better about it all. God knows how much I still need my daddy and how much the entire FAMILY needs him. He's got another grandbaby coming along soon who's going to need to know her Bobo and he's got a baby daughter who may be 30 but still needs her Papa Bear. And, you know, those other two daughters, too, I guess. Pbbth! hehe
But there's nothing gained by me sitting around crying about it when we don't even know for sure if it's the fatal kind or the treatable kind. At least for the moment we have plenty of time to pray really hard that it's the treatable kind.
Anyway, the bone marrow biopsy was extremely painful, according to him. He has a pencil sized hole in the back of his hip from where they took it, and bless his heart, he's had a time of it with that thing. We went out to lunch yesterday and he kept bumping it getting in and out of the booth but he couldn't sit in a chair because they didn't have any padding on the chairs. It's just an all around painful place to have an owie.
He seems to be taking it all in stride, though. And once over the initial shock of it all, Mama seems to be handling it better. His sister didn't handle it well at all, though, which I think surprised him. He hasn't really been all that close to her in a number of years but I suppose finding out your baby brother has a potentially life threatening disease makes you think about all you've got to lose. He ended up having to go and see her Saturday to show her that he was doing okay and that if he wasn't falling apart, she shouldn't either. And I think she's doing okay now.
I was really afraid that he wouldn't be all that positive about it. Daddy is as fatalistic as Mama is dramatic. I think I feared he'd give up, roll over and die because positive thinking has never been his strength. And I still fear it if it turns out to be the really bad kind of Leukemia. But I know that whatever happens the rest of us will be fighting for him even if he won't. We'll go down swinging if it comes down to it.
Anyway, I'm sorry to be such a downer. I know it seems like there's always something unhappy going on 'round here. But I just want ya'll to pray if you pray and if you don't, pray anyway. God'll still hear you even if you've never talked to him before.
Went to lunch thinking the world was round and all was good and happy and then...
Mama walks into the staff lounge talking on her cell phone. I've got my lunch in the microwave, a bag of potato chips in hand and I'm munching away and joking with a co-worker. Suddenly, Mama hisses, "Oh no," and sinks to the floor. I'm still munching on chips and watching her. I know something not great has happened but Mama can be a bit dramatic at times so I'm not altogether worried. And then she starts crying. A number of devastating thoughts pass through my mind as I listen to her. I have no idea who she's talking to or what they're saying. I can only hear her end which is mostly things like, "No, no," and "Do I need to come stay with you?" "Are you sure you're okay?"
My heart's beating so loudly I can feel it vibrating my shirt and I can hear the blood rushing to my ears. I'm thinking either something's happened to Sis2's baby or something's happened to my grandmother. She won't look at me or even even acknowledge that I'm standing there freaking out and my coworker keeps asking me what's wrong, like I know.
And then she hangs up the phone and doesn't say anything for a moment. "What's happened? What is it?" I ask and she just shakes her head as she's crying. And then she reveals, "That was Daddy. The doctor just called and told him that they think he's got Leukemia and he's got to go see a specialist."
The bottom just completely fell out from under me and then I couldn't even process it before everyone in the lounge descended on us like vultures because you know folks like nothing more than to celebrate another person's misery. *sigh* No, I know I'm being unfair. At least two of them were genuinely concerned but still...
Anyway, Daddy calls back and says the appointment was set for 2pm that afternoon in Columbus. So Mama rushed out the door and just left me and I was getting sort of numb and she comes back because, duh, I didn't have my car and I needed to leave and go babysit for Sis2.
I swear, I think I must have left work in a complete fog. I put my lunch away and came up upstairs to talk to my supervisor about leaving early and gather my things. I think if I'd had to stay at work with all that in my head I'd have gone crazy. Mostly from worry but also because everyone wanted to know what was going on and I hadn't even had time to process it yet, you know? I mean, it had JUST HAPPENED and we didn't even know anything for sure. And people felt they needed to know.
But being with Alyssa made a huge difference. You don't really have a lot of time to sit around and worry and cry and chew on the "what ifs" when you have a 19-month old to entertain and keep track of. So we played and Libby ate a crayon and Alyssa tried to tell me that she'd dropped it and Libby was eating it but I thought she was just babbling Libby's name like she normally does. Fortunately they make most crayons non-toxic these days. *shakes head* I think Libby liked the look of the technicolor poop she had later, though. hehehe
Anyway, turns out he DOES have Leukemia though we don't know for certain what kind yet. They did a bone marrow biopsy and we'll get the results back from that on Thursday. Until then it's a wait and pray thing. The doctor seemed fairly confident that it's the highly successfully treated kind, though. He said if that's the case there's a magic blue pill that will take care of it and Daddy will never even know he was sick.
It's just such a shock, though, because we were completely unprepared. I mean, looking back, there were tons of signs...loss of appetite, fatigue, weight loss, stomach issues--that sort of thing, but we thought it was a combination of not being able to eat due to his dental problems and maybe that he was a little anemic from the blood loss related to his dental issues. Leukemia never crossed our minds.
To be honest, we've all been a little worried about him anyway because he was starting to look old and tired all the time. Sort of frail. And Daddy has NEVER been frail. Not even when he had his triple bypass surgery in 2004 did he look all that frail. But lately he has. You can definitely see the decreased muscle mass because he's always been a muscle-y man with big muscled arms. I remember when we were kids he'd trick all my cousins and friends (and even me a time or two) into putting fingers in the crook of his elbow and then he'd flex his muscles and pinch the dickens out of our fingers. lol
I took my time to really break down Friday night, though. I prayed about it and cried on Libby's shoulder and she didn't seem to care that mama was having a meltdown. So long as I kept scratching her belly she said I was good to cry as much as I wanted. lol Once I finally turned it over to God, I felt much better about it all. God knows how much I still need my daddy and how much the entire FAMILY needs him. He's got another grandbaby coming along soon who's going to need to know her Bobo and he's got a baby daughter who may be 30 but still needs her Papa Bear. And, you know, those other two daughters, too, I guess. Pbbth! hehe
But there's nothing gained by me sitting around crying about it when we don't even know for sure if it's the fatal kind or the treatable kind. At least for the moment we have plenty of time to pray really hard that it's the treatable kind.
Anyway, the bone marrow biopsy was extremely painful, according to him. He has a pencil sized hole in the back of his hip from where they took it, and bless his heart, he's had a time of it with that thing. We went out to lunch yesterday and he kept bumping it getting in and out of the booth but he couldn't sit in a chair because they didn't have any padding on the chairs. It's just an all around painful place to have an owie.
He seems to be taking it all in stride, though. And once over the initial shock of it all, Mama seems to be handling it better. His sister didn't handle it well at all, though, which I think surprised him. He hasn't really been all that close to her in a number of years but I suppose finding out your baby brother has a potentially life threatening disease makes you think about all you've got to lose. He ended up having to go and see her Saturday to show her that he was doing okay and that if he wasn't falling apart, she shouldn't either. And I think she's doing okay now.
I was really afraid that he wouldn't be all that positive about it. Daddy is as fatalistic as Mama is dramatic. I think I feared he'd give up, roll over and die because positive thinking has never been his strength. And I still fear it if it turns out to be the really bad kind of Leukemia. But I know that whatever happens the rest of us will be fighting for him even if he won't. We'll go down swinging if it comes down to it.
Anyway, I'm sorry to be such a downer. I know it seems like there's always something unhappy going on 'round here. But I just want ya'll to pray if you pray and if you don't, pray anyway. God'll still hear you even if you've never talked to him before.
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Aunt B