Blahbity blah.

So apparently my brain is still not altogether functioning properly.

Despite that, I'd like to thank everyone who left condolences and kind words on my previous post. They're very much appreciated, as are all of you. *smooches*

I still catch myself tearing up randomly. His face will pop into my mind, or something he used to do or say and BOOM. Tear time. He was just...he was so freaking fantastic (and he'd smack me for using the word freaking! lol) that there's so much to remember about him. And not just the meaningful stuff like how proud he was to attend my college graduation or how each time I sang in church, he'd give me a thumbs up and tell me, "You done good, kid." No, a lot of it is just random little scenes that were just so...Paw-Paw.

For instance, before he got sick I always sat beside Paw-Paw at church. Whenever my stomach would start to growl during the service, he'd nudge me and grin. Then after service was over, he'd laugh and say, "Girl, you need to bring you a pack of nabs and a Pepsi next time." lol

Nothing awesome, right? But it's stuff like that that will pop into my head. That particular scene was brought to mind during his funeral when my stomach started growling and I couldn't help but laugh to myself thinking about him telling me to bring a pack of nabs and Pepsi next time. Knowing that he'd have laughed with me over it. And I cried so hard. Still get wheepy thinking about it. Even now, sitting here writing about it, I feel my eyes filling up.

He was just always so easy to laugh. Made everything so fun. Made life so much sweeter even though he wasn't always altogether sweet.

Granny seems to be doing well. But I know he's on her mind as much or more than he is on mine. She was at church yesterday and then the folks and I took her and my great aunt out to lunch after. I couldn't tell you how many times she quoted things that he'd have said or how he would have reacted to something. She always smiled or laughed as she said these things but I wondered if she, too, didn't feel the urge to cry just from the sheer lonliness of knowing he'd never actually say or do those things again.

His birthday is coming up this weekend. He and Sis2 always celebrated together because her's is on the second and his on the fourth. Her whole life, she's always shared a "party" with him. Every year since she was a toddler there are pictures of them together with their cake(s). He was usually make some silly face or another. Sis2's birthday "party" will be the first event without him. I don't know how any of us will handle it. I know it's going to be especially hard on Sis2 and probably Granny. Heck, hard on all of us. I really want to go buy him a really great card and give it to him anyway. He did always love to see what I'd come up with each year.

Okay, I've got to stop because I refuse to cry at work. Everyone already kind of treats me weird in a some ways. And I think that's mostly because I just feel odd and out of sorts. A very big part of me doesn't want to feel better because I want so desperately to hang on to him.

Anyway, life is moving forward. I went Saturday and bought paint and supplies to get started painting the walls and bathroom vanities. I dread the actual work but can't wait to have it all done.

I also got soaked to the skin while walking into Wal-Mart. It started pouring down rain while I was pumping gas and I probably should have gone somewhere to sit it out. But I couldn't wait since you never know how long the rain will last. So yeah. I got soaked. I wasn't the only one. Folks were squishing all through the store.

So sick of rain. Blah.

Didn't do much else when I got home from town. Laundry, sweeping, vacuuming--all that fun household chore stuff. A much better weekend than LAST weekend.