Altogether Lovely

Paw-Paw H and Mama's biological mother, Pauline back in 1963.

I never knew Mama's mother. She died when Mama was around 13 or so. I don't even know what to call her. Grandmother Pauline sounds too formal. Granny is reserved for Daddy's mother. Mama's step-mother is Maw-Maw. Daddy's step-mother is Gran-Daisy. So what to call this woman who gave birth to my mother and died so young?

I like to think of her as simply Mama. Because that's what my Mama always calls her when reminiscing about her. And because she looks so much like Mama.

She was the love of Paw-Paw H's life, or so Mama and Aunt L's stories would suggest. He loves Maw-Maw but Mama Pauline was his soul mate.

She died giving birth to my Uncle T, her sixth baby. Because he was a poor minister barely making ends meet and had six children to care for, Paw-Paw H married Maw-Maw about six months after Mama Pauline died. Maw-Maw had known them both for a while and probably secretly had a crush on the handsome pastor, though I've never really heard her or Paw-Paw talk about the how's and why's of their marriage or how they knew each other before. I think for both of them, talking about that part of their lives is difficult. For her because she's spent so many years being jealous of a dead woman and for him because it reminds him of the one he lost.

Or at least that's what my romance novel lovin' self imagines. And all that Mama has ever said about his life with Mama Pauline would suggest it.

I love Maw-Maw as much as if there were no "step" in front of her title of grandmother. I've never even thought of her in that way. She's just always been my grandmother. But I've often wondered about my real grandmother. What kind of grandmother would she have been? Would I have felt closer to her? Bonded more to her? What would my mother have been like if her mother had lived to finish raising her? Would she have been different? Would I have been different?

And what of Paw-Paw H? Would he have been different? Happier? Healthier, maybe?

Mama and her sisters always talk about their mama with such reverence and it's obvious they still miss her even after all these years. I know it's odd, but I love and miss her too and I've never even met her.

Looking at that photo above makes one thing clear--she loved Paw-Paw H and I'm fairly certain he was the love of her life.

And THAT is what I would wish for myself.