Post-Christmas Rundown

Or maybe I should say "Re-cap" since "Rundown" might sound kinda violent considering the emotional state I've been in as of late.

So Christmas break...

I took off work early that Monday before Christmas. Finished up that ONE LAST CHRISTMAS GIFT and did a little last minute food shopping. Sis2 and I had made plans to meet at our favorite burger joint (not fast food--we're talking gourmet burgers) but then she decided that since Mama was in town we should invite her and, well, we ended up at Wendy's instead. Super bummed. Especially since I've been trying to get to that burger place for WEEKS and it never works out. But, oh well. After lunch I finished up one last stop before heading to Sonic for a half-priced milkshake. But didn't get that, either! I don't know if the call button was broke on the board where I parked or what but I waited for about twenty minutes and NO ONE popped on to take my order. So I got mad and left. Was so disgusted I just went home instead of looking for the liquor I had intended to buy BIL for Christmas. (Yes, we sometimes exchange liquor at Christmas. haha)

I was in a sort of pissy mood the rest of the day/evening and mood was made worse when someone in my family texted me a photo of their half-priced shake KNOWING that I didn't get one. I know it was (probably) meant to be funny but it felt sort of mean spirited at the time. (and no, I wasn't PMSing. I was just in a terribly dark and ugly emotional place.)

Tuesday was better, mood-wise and experience-wise. I took Libs to the vet to have her teeth cleaned which is a procedure that requires her to be dropped off. They have to anesthetize animals in order to clean their teeth so it was a four and a half hour process. Admittedly, I was a little nervous about leaving her but mostly I was nervous about the anesthesia part. She's not a young dog anymore and strange things can happen. But I prayerfully dropped her off and then headed into town for some MORE last minute grocery shopping. (It's like I lived in Wal-Mart for a week. haha) Once back home, I killed the last three hours by doing all things Libby normally hates--vacuuming, sweeping, dusting--all the things that require me to be up and moving instead of snuggling with her. It was great to get it down without bothering/upsetting her but it as also a great way to keep my mind off of worrying about her. Needless to say, my prayers were answered and she now has a sparkly white smile and fresh(ish) breath. We rewarded ourselves with a trip to McD's for a $5 McNugget meal before heading home to snuggle and snooze the rest of the day.

Christmas Eve was mostly good. Started the day out with breakfast/brunch with the folks and Granny as is tradition. I ate a heart attack on a plate (a biscuit smothered in ALLTHETHINGS!!) and we chatted and had a good time. SOMEONE played on a new phone through most of breakfast, though, which aggravated the rest of us but otherwise it was pleasant. After they dropped me off at home, I got busy cooking/baking. Since Sis2 and I didn't get to have our usual baking day, I had some treats to get done before Christmas day. I sorta regret all of it now because it didn't save Christmas but at the time I was determined that I HAD TO do it if Christmas was going to be any fun.

To be entirely honest, I was really well and truly NOT feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I don't know if all the work and Christmas we put into the Gala killed my spirit or if just life, in general killed it but this year? I could have happily skipped Christmas and been okay with it. Therefore I was really trying to FORCE myself to at least pretend that I cared. It worked for a little while. Long enough for me to really enjoy Christmas Eve supper with the folks, Emmy and her parents. Daddy grilled steaks and we sat around the table and laughed for a while. Emmy and I took silly selfie's and she showed me the ring her boyfriend gave her for Christmas. (Yes, she has a boyfriend that she's actually finally calling a boyfriend and yes, he gave her ring. It's an infinity ring with an "I love you" inscription" which is both scary and amusing considering that they are 15/16-year-olds in their first romance.)

Libs and I went home around 9 and went almost straight to bed. Fortunately, this year we got to sleep in a bit. Normally I'm told to be at the folks' house around 6am. This year, they said 7. And since I had already packed the car with the presents all I had to do when I got up Christmas morning was turn on the Elvis CD and give Libs her gift. We snuggled on the couch for a bit before I got my shower and we headed up to the folks' house.

I think we already covered that Christmas Day sucked monkey butt. And it's so disappointing, too, since I went into the day hopeful that it would be a blessed and happy day. And I suppose it was blessed...We were all together, for better or worse--something that doesn't happen all that often these days. (Hence the photo-op.) We all had our health. Well, physical health, anyway. Emotional health, maybe not so much. And well, not everyone had physical health. Sis1 had a migraine all day. *sigh*

I still can't look back at the day with any sort of happy perspective. It started out good and then bombed spectacularly. And all because people don't THINK before they SPEAK and tend to NOT take other people's feelings into consideration. Emotions tend to run high on Christmas morning anyway...everyone hopeful for a happy day. Excited to exchange gifts. Seeking out that so-called "Christmas Spirit." So it doesn't take much to make the day crash and burn with disappointment. And to be quite frank, that one day and that one incident just about ruined my entire Christmas break.

We did all manage to "buck up" when Sis2 and her kids arrived for round 2 of gifts. The kids loved all their gifts and they cheered us up enough to get us through the rest of the day. Lunch at Granny's where I hid behind one cousin to avoid dealing with the other and her new skanky boyfriend. (This is the cousin I have issues with anyway...certainly didn't want to deal with faking nice with her potentially fourth husband--though I think he's ended up in jail since Christmas. Long sordid story.) Then back to the folks' for round 3 of forced merry-making. I finally went home around 8:30 where I crashed on the couch and just slept off my bitterness until I got up and went to bed.

That next day I stayed at home with the drapes closed all day and generally avoided the world. Libs and I ate junk food and watched crappy daytime television and moped all day long. Seriously. I finally did get up around 7pm and bake cookies to take to the another family gathering that took place Saturday.

Which leads us to Saturday...Mama's side of the family had their Christmas gathering. We had a decent turn out and we all finally got to meet the newest baby in the family who was born in November. I chatted with cousins and played with the kids and ate and went home and crashed again.

Sunday was church and then lunch at the folks' house. We watched a Stalone movie and made fun of Emmy who stayed on Nana's phone chatting with her friends on Instagram. Her phone doesn't get service in the boonies so she couldn't text or use her own phone for Instagram.

Monday was another mope at home with the drapes closed day. Tuesday Sis2 and I took the kids to paint pottery, eat lunch and to the theater to watch Into the Woods. Ethan skipped the movie and went home with his dad after lunch but us girls thoroughly enjoyed it. Lyssa especially enjoyed it. She loves muscials and music in general. I don't think she really understood a lot of the changes in the fairytales but she had surprisingly few questions. We all go the title song stuck in our heads and sang it all the way home.

Wednesday I felt like CRAP. Another mope day. The folks and Emmy had invited me over to eat supper for New Year's Eve...watch the bowl game (which we lost!) and eat appetizers, etc. I skipped it. I think I had just about had all the family "togetherness" I could take and to be quite honest, I just didn't want to ring in the new year with them while I was still kinda not over the Christmas Day kerfuffle. I didn't (and don't) want to hold grudges but I was still put out and angsty over it. All the weird hot/cold rainy/windy weather didn't help my mood, either. So I just stayed home, ate a frozen pizza and drank wine. Went to bed at 9:30 and woke up January 1 in a much better mood.

Booze IS the answer. lol

j/k

But Thursday was the first day during my entire break that I actually felt good. No depression. No lingering angst. I threw the drapes open and let the light in, Libs and I traipsed around the yard for a good bit. I tried my hand at homemade yeast donuts for the first time with some success and all was well with the world.

Friday it rained ALLLLLLLLLLLL day and we met Sis1 halfway to T-town to send Emmy back home. We ate lunch and then did some shopping before parting ways. Sending her back is always bittersweet. I hate to see her go because the stretches in time between when we see her are getting further and further as she gets older and more involved in teenage life. But, then, even when she's here, there are stretches of time when she's engrossed in the phone or other things.

But we had fun Friday and it freed me up Saturday to get back into my regular routines before coming back to work, though, it did get a little wild with tornado warnings which we all survived intact, thankfully. I kinda took Sunday off. I went to church but then stayed at home instead of going to the folks' house.

I think I could easily become one of those reclusive hermit types who lives out in the woods and all the kids in the area talk about the crazy old lady and dare each other to approach her house on Halloween. There are just more and more days when it is soooooooo difficult to leave the comfort and serenity of my home and my Libs just to step out into a world filled with people who aren't entirely kind to each other or to me. People who seem to only love you when it is convenient for them to do so. People who take advantage of soft hearts and people pleasers.

It's so much safter and kinder in my 1250 square feet of humble abode. Libby rarely ever hurts my feelings, gives me affection without my having to beg, and is never deliberately cruel. Sure, I hafta give her treats and belly rubs but I do that because I love her, not because she demands it.

Anyway, here's to hoping that this new year gives me reason to pull myself out of this funk/depression I've been in for so darn long. I want to find a little slice of joy that stretches in to an entire pie of the stuff.

Here's to y'all finding your own pies of joy!