Speak
As a child I was terribly shy. I barely spoke, even to people I saw often or when spoken to. People like church friends, aunts and uncles I didn't see more than a few times a year, and sometimes even my dad. When spoken to, I had a terrible habit of hiding my face behind whatever or whoever was handy--usually my mom. The thought of gaining attention from anyone scared me to death even when I desperately craved attention.
I still am not one who finds conversation entirely necessary all the time. Being stuck alone with someone I don't know well is torture because, you know...Small talk. I hate idle conversation and even when with my friends I don't always know how to carry on a conversation.
Oddly enough, my education and career decisions were the exact opposite of what I have ever been comfortable with. I mean, come on! I majored in broadcast communication. I had the intent of becoming a radio personality. What was I smoking? lol But the classes associated with broadcasting were a blessing because they taught me how to put my tongue to teeth when needed and SPEAK. The pulled me out of myself and helped me learn to...wait for it...COMMUNICATE. Even when I an scared to. Even when I don't want to. They taught me how to relate to people in situations that make me uncomfortable and step outside my communication comfort zone when I have to.
And then, of course, I went and hopped on board with a career in the library archives which has a very heavy researcher and customer service emphasis. I am called upon daily to greet patrons and interview them to determine their research needs. I have to *gasp!* answer the telephone and speak to faceless strangers and be polite and friendly and hold actual conversations. I have to instruct student assistants on projects and assist faculty with archives use. It might not be something I particularly enjoy but it has helped me learn how to be slightly less quiet when needed. I can always flip on my "professional mode" if needed.
All that to say: Even though I don't really like talking or holding long conversations, I CAN do it.
Unfortunately, there are those in my life who got used to speaking for me when I was younger and wouldn't speak for myself. My mother and oldest sister, to be specific. It's terribly annoying on several levels. Partly because I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself and telling my own stories. But the biggest issue I have with it is that often when speaking for me, they tell things that I might not have wished to share with whoever they're talking to while I'm standing there and then I'm left to either fill in the blanks and smooth it over or smile and nod and slowly creep away while hoping they just shut up.
Contrary to what all I put on this here blog, in person I don't really care to share every detail of my life. I might occasionally share things with the people I'm closest to but for the most part I prefer to keep my stories to myself unless it's to share them here or in my journal at home. I don't feel as though the random people we meet need to know the problems I have at work or my personal spiritual journey to find a new church home. I prefer to be selective of how much or how little I tell about myself. I also would rather choose in which light I prefer to portray myself. I feel like often when others are speaking for me they tend to make me seem as ridiculous as possible unless they're making me out to be some sort of amazing superhero. It depends on who they're talking to and how it might reflect back on them as to how they portray me.
I have not yet discovered a way to gently let them know that I don't appreciate their efforts to speak on my behalf. The few times I've approached the subject I'm met with either scoffing or defensive anger.
I'm sure you can guess that this was a problem Sunday while trying to talk with my former pastor and his wife. Mama alluded to both my work issues and my church issues and even managed to use one singular topic to get both subjects out there which left me to figure out a gentle non-TMI way to get off the topic. I haven't seen them in forever. They don't REALLY need to know all my issues. I don't really care to talk about my issues with too many of my family. Like last weekend, Mama and Sis1 both brought up my work issues to Granny and Aunt G. I hadn't really wanted to burden them with my junk but they threw it out there and I felt compelled to tell the whole story on a day when I really didn't want to think about it.
Short of screaming "STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" all Shelby in Steel Magnolias I really don't know what to do to change this situation. And I'm sure THAT would go over amazingly well. ha
It being a learned behavior from all those years I was a timid and quiet kid, I don't even know that there IS anything to be done. But if anyone has any solutions, I'm all ears! Otherwise, thanks for letting me rant. ;-)
I still am not one who finds conversation entirely necessary all the time. Being stuck alone with someone I don't know well is torture because, you know...Small talk. I hate idle conversation and even when with my friends I don't always know how to carry on a conversation.
Oddly enough, my education and career decisions were the exact opposite of what I have ever been comfortable with. I mean, come on! I majored in broadcast communication. I had the intent of becoming a radio personality. What was I smoking? lol But the classes associated with broadcasting were a blessing because they taught me how to put my tongue to teeth when needed and SPEAK. The pulled me out of myself and helped me learn to...wait for it...COMMUNICATE. Even when I an scared to. Even when I don't want to. They taught me how to relate to people in situations that make me uncomfortable and step outside my communication comfort zone when I have to.
And then, of course, I went and hopped on board with a career in the library archives which has a very heavy researcher and customer service emphasis. I am called upon daily to greet patrons and interview them to determine their research needs. I have to *gasp!* answer the telephone and speak to faceless strangers and be polite and friendly and hold actual conversations. I have to instruct student assistants on projects and assist faculty with archives use. It might not be something I particularly enjoy but it has helped me learn how to be slightly less quiet when needed. I can always flip on my "professional mode" if needed.
All that to say: Even though I don't really like talking or holding long conversations, I CAN do it.
Unfortunately, there are those in my life who got used to speaking for me when I was younger and wouldn't speak for myself. My mother and oldest sister, to be specific. It's terribly annoying on several levels. Partly because I am perfectly capable of speaking for myself and telling my own stories. But the biggest issue I have with it is that often when speaking for me, they tell things that I might not have wished to share with whoever they're talking to while I'm standing there and then I'm left to either fill in the blanks and smooth it over or smile and nod and slowly creep away while hoping they just shut up.
Contrary to what all I put on this here blog, in person I don't really care to share every detail of my life. I might occasionally share things with the people I'm closest to but for the most part I prefer to keep my stories to myself unless it's to share them here or in my journal at home. I don't feel as though the random people we meet need to know the problems I have at work or my personal spiritual journey to find a new church home. I prefer to be selective of how much or how little I tell about myself. I also would rather choose in which light I prefer to portray myself. I feel like often when others are speaking for me they tend to make me seem as ridiculous as possible unless they're making me out to be some sort of amazing superhero. It depends on who they're talking to and how it might reflect back on them as to how they portray me.
I have not yet discovered a way to gently let them know that I don't appreciate their efforts to speak on my behalf. The few times I've approached the subject I'm met with either scoffing or defensive anger.
I'm sure you can guess that this was a problem Sunday while trying to talk with my former pastor and his wife. Mama alluded to both my work issues and my church issues and even managed to use one singular topic to get both subjects out there which left me to figure out a gentle non-TMI way to get off the topic. I haven't seen them in forever. They don't REALLY need to know all my issues. I don't really care to talk about my issues with too many of my family. Like last weekend, Mama and Sis1 both brought up my work issues to Granny and Aunt G. I hadn't really wanted to burden them with my junk but they threw it out there and I felt compelled to tell the whole story on a day when I really didn't want to think about it.
Short of screaming "STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" all Shelby in Steel Magnolias I really don't know what to do to change this situation. And I'm sure THAT would go over amazingly well. ha
It being a learned behavior from all those years I was a timid and quiet kid, I don't even know that there IS anything to be done. But if anyone has any solutions, I'm all ears! Otherwise, thanks for letting me rant. ;-)
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