Deep Thoughts

You know, there aren't many times in my life when I wish fervently that I were married. I mean, being single isn't necessarily something I chose, per se. It just sort of worked out that way. And I've learned to be more than just content with that. I like my space. I like my alone time. I like not answering to anyone in my personal life. Heck, I like sleeping alone and cooking only when the mood strikes me! At this point in my life I honestly don't think I could be married.

But there are those rare moments that I wish I had a husband. A partner to share the burdens of life with. Someone who could take care of things like malfunctioning field lines and low tire pressure and job stress. Someone to help make the tough decisions and encourage me when the decisions are strictly my own. Someone to hug me in random moments and tell me that everything is going to be alright.

I'm blessed that I do have a great support system in my family but at the end of the day, they have their own burdens of malfunctioning refrigerators and soaring propane prices and children that need new shoes and affection. They can tell me they're praying for me and lend a sympathetic ear but they can't really help me decide what to do when I can't find anyone to come repair a faulty field line or really offer me a shoulder to cry on when the stress of dealing with idiots all day gets the best of me and wakes me up in tears at 3am.

It's in those moments of shouldering the entire responsibility of being an adult that causes me to regret the circumstances of my marital status. Oh, I know that having a husband wouldn't guarantee anything. I see enough marriages struggling to know that sometimes marriage is a burden in itself. Relying on another person to "fix" your life or your struggles is complete madness! And I see it all too often where the husband, albeit physically present, is absent in decision making and responsibilities. When dealing with humans, it sometimes works out that way.

But I have to believe that if God had sent me a husband, he'd be the kind of man who took care of things and loved me and shared those burdens.  He wouldn't check out when things got tough or when decisions got hard. He'd hold my hand during the scary parts of movies and rub my feet when the day has been too long.

I suppose one could argue that God wants me to shoulder my own burdens to make me stronger. And I know that He has certainly toughened me up over the years. I've stepped so far outside my comfort zone on more occasions than I can count. It hasn't gotten any easier each time I've done it, but perhaps the burdens don't always feel as heavy as they used to.