No Good, Very Bad Year/week/day/life
I'm not in a good mental place right now. Which probably means I shouldn't post anything on this blog but since when have I ever not posted my crazy here? Well, to be fair, y'all have been spared a TON of my crazy over the past several months. But, you know. This is Crazytown sooooo...
It's just a convoluted whirlwind of massive junk in my headspace right now. Found out this morning that one of the coordinators that I worked with for the first 10 years of my career at the library passed away last night. Apparently he had a massive heart attack. He retired back in 2011 but I saw him every now and then when he'd come back to the library for various events and things. And y'all, it hit me a little harder than I expected it to. But he was such a big part of my professional growth and a really all around good guy. He was laid back and fun and just a joy to work with. And he was a part of the original team that I worked with for the first ten years--back when we all felt like a family. Now they are all retired and he's gone on to Heaven and it just really hit me hard.
On top of all that, I'm feeling fairly persecuted among my family right now. All because of this circus show of an election year. I came out in a fairly dramatic way yesterday as anti-Trump. Coming from a deeply conservative family this is basically saying I'm defecting. And in a way, I guess I am. I'm defecting from complacency in a system I no longer believe in. As a Christian, I have a very strong conviction against aligning myself with Trump. (And I hate, loath and despise discussing politics but...) And while I am no Hillary fan, I'm not 100% sure that Trump is the lesser of two evils as I've heard said. He may not be a murderer (as one aunt accused Hillary of being) but he has certainly killed my faith in my fellow Christians, the Republican Party and my fellow man.
Yesterday I was accused of appointing myself judge and jury for daring to condemn "THE TAPES" when tried to explain to my aunts why so many women were upset by what he said on "THE TAPES" and pointed out that reading dirty romance novels does not mean I want to be assaulted. I went on to explain the whole concept of rape culture to which I was basically told that no man, no matter how powerful or famous he is, can make a woman do something she doesn't want to do.
Let that sink in. It's a doozy, right?
Then this morning my beloved BIL sent me a link to an article which basically said that Christians who did not support Trump because of their aversion to his lack of morals are Pharisees. (Which isn't a compliment.)
So, in summation I've learned that I am judgmental for being disgusted by "THE TAPES", the couple of times I was groped unwillingly by boys in high school, I actually wanted it, and I'm a Pharisee.
Well isn't that just great?
The kick in the head is that this commentary didn't come from internet trolls but from people I actually love and who claim to love me! I mean, yeah. All those times I suppressed my true convictions on a lot of current events/issues because I was afraid my family would either not love me or judge me harshly...I wasn't wrong to fear that!
I haven't heard a peep from my dad yet. I know at one time he disliked Trump, too, but so did my mom when he first announced his bid for the Republican party. And when I talked to her about it yesterday and how my aunts made me feel, she claimed that she doesn't like him either but every link she's shared or liked on Facebook says otherwise. So I really don't know how she feels about my defection from the Republican Reich.
To be clear, my faith in God is strong. My faith in many of my family and other Christians? Not so much.
Between that and being upset about the death in my former work family, this has just been a dirty, rotten, no good, day in a dirty, rotten, no good year.
Aren't you glad I came back to unload all this junk?
Attention any Commenters who my wander through: Any trolls wishing to school me on any political nonsense will be swiftly deleted.
Also, don't diss my family as deplorables. I'm a little bruised by them right now but I still love them and will punch you in the throat.
Kthanxbye
It's just a convoluted whirlwind of massive junk in my headspace right now. Found out this morning that one of the coordinators that I worked with for the first 10 years of my career at the library passed away last night. Apparently he had a massive heart attack. He retired back in 2011 but I saw him every now and then when he'd come back to the library for various events and things. And y'all, it hit me a little harder than I expected it to. But he was such a big part of my professional growth and a really all around good guy. He was laid back and fun and just a joy to work with. And he was a part of the original team that I worked with for the first ten years--back when we all felt like a family. Now they are all retired and he's gone on to Heaven and it just really hit me hard.
On top of all that, I'm feeling fairly persecuted among my family right now. All because of this circus show of an election year. I came out in a fairly dramatic way yesterday as anti-Trump. Coming from a deeply conservative family this is basically saying I'm defecting. And in a way, I guess I am. I'm defecting from complacency in a system I no longer believe in. As a Christian, I have a very strong conviction against aligning myself with Trump. (And I hate, loath and despise discussing politics but...) And while I am no Hillary fan, I'm not 100% sure that Trump is the lesser of two evils as I've heard said. He may not be a murderer (as one aunt accused Hillary of being) but he has certainly killed my faith in my fellow Christians, the Republican Party and my fellow man.
Yesterday I was accused of appointing myself judge and jury for daring to condemn "THE TAPES" when tried to explain to my aunts why so many women were upset by what he said on "THE TAPES" and pointed out that reading dirty romance novels does not mean I want to be assaulted. I went on to explain the whole concept of rape culture to which I was basically told that no man, no matter how powerful or famous he is, can make a woman do something she doesn't want to do.
Let that sink in. It's a doozy, right?
Then this morning my beloved BIL sent me a link to an article which basically said that Christians who did not support Trump because of their aversion to his lack of morals are Pharisees. (Which isn't a compliment.)
So, in summation I've learned that I am judgmental for being disgusted by "THE TAPES", the couple of times I was groped unwillingly by boys in high school, I actually wanted it, and I'm a Pharisee.
Well isn't that just great?
The kick in the head is that this commentary didn't come from internet trolls but from people I actually love and who claim to love me! I mean, yeah. All those times I suppressed my true convictions on a lot of current events/issues because I was afraid my family would either not love me or judge me harshly...I wasn't wrong to fear that!
I haven't heard a peep from my dad yet. I know at one time he disliked Trump, too, but so did my mom when he first announced his bid for the Republican party. And when I talked to her about it yesterday and how my aunts made me feel, she claimed that she doesn't like him either but every link she's shared or liked on Facebook says otherwise. So I really don't know how she feels about my defection from the Republican Reich.
To be clear, my faith in God is strong. My faith in many of my family and other Christians? Not so much.
Between that and being upset about the death in my former work family, this has just been a dirty, rotten, no good, day in a dirty, rotten, no good year.
Aren't you glad I came back to unload all this junk?
Attention any Commenters who my wander through: Any trolls wishing to school me on any political nonsense will be swiftly deleted.
Also, don't diss my family as deplorables. I'm a little bruised by them right now but I still love them and will punch you in the throat.
Kthanxbye
Comments
Aunt B
As for politics... Good for you for going with your heart and conscience. It's okay to break from the rest of the herd. As Professor Dumbledore says, "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." Or family, as the case may be. (((HUGS)))