Creating New Habits: Self Improvement for 2019
You know how I've been saying for the past little while that I feel God moving in my life as though He is preparing me for something big? Part of that preparation is instilling in me the need for further self improvement. Improvement beyond my body, or the size of it.
There's so much about myself that I feel has been stunted over the years. My sense of personal responsibility. My self esteem. My ability to really grow and change and develop. My family and friends are all guilty of holding me back. Or, at least, I'm good at using my family and friends as an excuse to be held back. They are guilty of discouraging me from growing and changing. Discouraging me from pursuing my dreams or at the very least, they make me feel stupid for even expressing an interest in something other than just being who they've pigeonholed me into. Not because they don't love me but I feel it's more so because they are afraid of how my changing would affect them. Or that my interest in something different means that I am trying to outgrow them or something. Like they are scared that if I do something they're not used to me doing that it will negatively impact my relationship with them. They're comfortable with me being exactly who they've always perceived me to be.
Maybe I'm being unfair. I don't know. All I do know for sure is how I feel when I try something new or reveal something to them that I've always been but they'd never seen and the way they make fun of it/me. I either put that part of myself back under wraps or stop doing it entirely.
I remember back many moons ago, before Sis2 had even gotten married, I was kinda looking for a house to buy. At that point in my life, I had been living in the lake house for four or five years and my family had gotten into the routine of going to the early service at the church just down the road from me and then coming back to my house for brunch after. I found a house I was interested in in a little town about 20 minutes away from the lake house. I remember telling my parents that about it and how I was going to make an appointment to look at it. My dad got really upset because it would mean the end of our Sunday routine. So I let go of the idea of that little house and put buying a house entirely on the back burner. Never mind the fact that a year or so later, Sis2 was married and the folks left that church and our Sunday routine behind.
Anytime I change something about my appearance--try a new make-up, or in the case of my recent weight loss, updating my wardrobe to be a little closer to trendy--I catch all kind of hell about it. I get poked fun at to the point where I feel ridiculed and stupid. I know they don't mean to make me feel that way. At least I don't think they mean it to come out that way. I hope not, anyway. There was a time in my life when I would have been so ashamed that I'd have backed off of changing my appearance and reverted to "old me." But I'm TIRED of living my life to please others. I'm tired of other people shaming me or browbeating me into being who they think I am or should be. I'm tired of hiding my light under a bushel, so to speak. I've been invisible long enough. And I'm tired of folding myself up inside myself and using my friends and family as an excuse to not grow.
With that in mind, I've been seeking sources to teach me how to get outside my old routines and grow. I haven't read any self-help books yet, but I have stumbled across a couple of youtubers who give great advice. Some on how to managed debt or time management, some on improving health, and at least one who's tag-line is "Go after the life that you want.
By far, I think my favorite right now is Amy Landino of AmyTV. She is an entrepreneur and vlog boss who gives tips and tricks on how to live your life like a boss and go after the life that you want. My kickstart for the new year...my first babysteps in changing my routines and habits for a better me, come from her first video of the new year in which she gives ideas for a better morning routine.
https://youtu.be/AvX8g_CAXZM
The morning routines I'm working at making into habits are as follows:
1. Stop hitting the snooze.
My old routine was hitting the snooze three times when my alarm first goes off. I intentionally set my alarm early enough to hit the snooze three times and still have time to shower, get dressed, fed and out the door on time. Now, instead of hitting the snooze, I get up as soon as the alarm goes off. I still have it set eighteen minutes earlier than I have to to actually get out the door on time but now instead of 18 minutes to dread getting out of bed, I have eighteen minutes to do all the other new routines on my list. I've stuck to this for seven days, so far.
2. Read for fifteen minutes.
Amy said to read ten pages a morning. I don't know if I have time for ten pages but I do know that I have fifteen minutes to spare. I actually set a timer on my phone, stretch out on the chaise that my aunt gave me, and I read non-stop for fifteen minutes. I do this after I've showered and made the bed but before I get Libby up for the day. It doesn't help me read through a book very quickly but it is dedicated, uninterrupted time to spend on something I used to do nonstop. I'm not hating this. It's a nice, peaceful fifteen minutes of relaxation before the flurry of activity to get ready for work and out the door.
3. Writing in a journal.
Amy refers to this as getting some pages in, I think. She says it's important to get your thoughts out on paper before you start the day so that you can start with a clean slate. While I may not get PAGES in, I at least get a paragraph or two down. I used to journal every day, throughout the day. I'd literally have pages and pages of braindump every day but over the years I stopped. Like everything else, I let stress talk me out of it. I'll admit that I'm a little rusty at it--just like I'm rusty at writing this blog! I haven't written anything profound or even particularly interesting but I'm giving myself permission to be boring in the interest of just DOING IT. Taking that time and just putting thoughts to paper. Eventually I'll get back into the groove and while it may still be boring stuff, the hope is, it'll at least be a cathartic activity and provide a place to dump all my stress so that I don't go back to EATING my stress.
4. Drinking water.
I've been drinking water with breakfast for years now. I don't have time to sit and enjoy coffee in the mornings so I just don't even bother. Unlike a lot of people, I don't need coffee to function. I drink it because I enjoy it. So drinking water isn't something I had to add. But I have added an extra glass of water. Getting thoroughly hydrated first thing in the morning is good for the body and soul. Plus, getting that extra glass in first ting in the morning helps insure that I meet my daily ounces goal. I generally aim for 80 to 112 ounces of water a day. My morning water knocks out 40 ounces before I even get dressed!
Other things I'm doing to help improve myself, body and soul, throughout the day that weren't necessarily in Amy's video:
1. Read my Bible every day.
I know! I should have been doing this all along throughout my spiritual life but I admit I've struggled with this. I don't always understand everything in the Bible, there's a lot of difficult language, and to be quite honest, some really boring books/chapters. But in this walk with God, I'm learning that I don't always have to understand it. And I don't have to start from the beginning.
During December I challenged myself to read through the Book of Luke, one chapter each night. It was a challenge I discovered on Facebook, of all places. There are 24 chapters in Luke and every day leading up to Christmas, the challenge was to read a chapter. What better way to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas than to read from Jesus' birth clear through to his death and resurrection? It was a struggle just to remember to do it, of course, but by the end of the book, I was glad I stuck with it. Even though Luke is a book I'm familiar with, there was a lot in there that I knew but I hadn't really realized was in Luke until I read it start to finish. It really does give a full picture of Jesus' birth, life, death, and resurrection. And while I know the Jesus that lives in my heart, it was an eye opening fresh look at Jesus on a more personal level, if that makes any sense. Kind of like reading his memoir or biography.
I've gone back to read Matthew and while I'm not exactly reading a chapter a night, I am reading a little bit every night. It's good to take small bites sometimes. Easier to absorb and easier to incorporate into my daily/nightly routine. And it's good to fall asleep with Jesus on my mind instead of whatever crap there is on social media. Which brings me to my next point/goal:
2. Cutting back on time spent on social media.
Y'all. I spend WAY too much time on social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter...I have them all. I took some soul soothing measures last year to help alleviate some of the stress these platforms cause and unfollowed or blocked people who caused stress. Anyone who constantly posted political news or memes. Anyone who had an ax to grind in the name of political correctness or whatever the news drama of the week was got cut out. I just got to the point where I'd get angry or upset or carry their causes with me and it just got to be too much. My mental and emotional health doesn't have room for all of that and to be honest, it was causing a strain on some of my relationships with people because of what they put on their social media. So I kept them in my daily life where they're less likely to actually talk about all that stuff, but cut them out of my social media life. They don't know the difference, except I'm not engaging them on social media. And I post a lot less than I used to so they can just think that I'm not on there all that often. Win, win.
Even with all that, though, I just feel like I give way too much attention to social media. I've almost replaced television watching with social media scrolling. I would sit down with my phone after supper and look up and it would be bedtime. Then I'd take the phone to bed with me and scroll through some more before going to sleep. That, my friends, is not healthy. So I'm committed to giving myself a limited amount of time on the phone. I try not to mess with it at all in the mornings other than to put on a podcast or set my timer for reading. I'm only giving myself an hour in the evenings after supper. It's a struggle because it's such a deeply ingrained habit but I'm doing my best to set it back down if I pick it up out of habit.
3. Keeping on top of tidying up the house.
I'm not the best housekeeper in the world, y'all. I'm not the worst, either, but I do tend to let clutter accumulate a lot more than is good for my mental health. These days, I'm making a conscious effort to make sure clutter has a home and makes it to its home every day. I've managed to keep my desk at home clean for about three weeks, now. The dining room table has been clean for close to a month other than the week it took me to get around to putting away my Christmas decorations. I've managed to keep my bedroom uncluttered since it's massive clean back in December. I do need to vacuum but it's basically still tidy.
I just feel so much better when there isn't clutter on every surface. My mood is lighter, I don't stare at piles of papers with dread. Instead, I put them away or toss them as soon as I get them. The idea that your environment is a reflection of your mental state is entirely true for me. The messier my environment is, the messier my mental state is.
4. Doing things that I enjoy.
I'm committed to spending more of my free time doing the things that bring me joy. Crafting. Creating. Writing. Napping. Reading.
Yes, napping is on the list. Rest is so important, but more than that, I enjoy a good nap. It's just as good for my mental and spiritual health as creative endeavors are. I took a lot of naps while I was off for Christmas break and it was glorious!
I also worked on some crafting projects. I made few burlap wreaths--a new skill I taught myself recently. I stained and decorated a wooden box for Sis2. I painted a canvas to go with my nativity set at Christmas. It was a midnight sky with a big star ornament glued on top to represent the star of Bethlehem. I've got a few more projects in mind that I want to work on as I have time.
I also intend to get back to fiction writing. I've been away from it for so long that I'm not sure I even remember how, but just like everything else, I'm giving myself permission to suck at it at first. My plan is to use some of my tax return to buy a cheap little laptop--WalMart has one for a couple hundred dollars--and set aside thirty minutes in the evenings to writing. Either going back to one of my old story ideas or creating something fresh. I feel like I used to be a decent writer. Not prolific or anything...I'm no Nora Roberts...but I was okay. And I enjoyed it before life spiraled into depression, anxiety, and stress. I may never publish anything but I want to finish a book before I die.
5. Say yes to things I want to do instead of letting other people talk me out of it.
I want to take a personal enrichment course that the university offers. I want to get in the car and drive someplace new. I want to explore the idea of moving closer to town. I want to think seriously about where I want my career to go. Heck, I want to HAVE a career and not just a job.
I don't have any clear paths to most of those things but we just got the flyer for the personal enrichment courses offered this spring and once I decide which one I want to take, I'm signing up! No more putting aside things I want to do just because my mother doesn't want me driving at night.
Anyway, that's my thoughts on the new year. Getting my butt in gear, growing up, and improving the parts of myself that bug me the most.
Here's to a happy, healthy, and mindful 2019!
There's so much about myself that I feel has been stunted over the years. My sense of personal responsibility. My self esteem. My ability to really grow and change and develop. My family and friends are all guilty of holding me back. Or, at least, I'm good at using my family and friends as an excuse to be held back. They are guilty of discouraging me from growing and changing. Discouraging me from pursuing my dreams or at the very least, they make me feel stupid for even expressing an interest in something other than just being who they've pigeonholed me into. Not because they don't love me but I feel it's more so because they are afraid of how my changing would affect them. Or that my interest in something different means that I am trying to outgrow them or something. Like they are scared that if I do something they're not used to me doing that it will negatively impact my relationship with them. They're comfortable with me being exactly who they've always perceived me to be.
Maybe I'm being unfair. I don't know. All I do know for sure is how I feel when I try something new or reveal something to them that I've always been but they'd never seen and the way they make fun of it/me. I either put that part of myself back under wraps or stop doing it entirely.
I remember back many moons ago, before Sis2 had even gotten married, I was kinda looking for a house to buy. At that point in my life, I had been living in the lake house for four or five years and my family had gotten into the routine of going to the early service at the church just down the road from me and then coming back to my house for brunch after. I found a house I was interested in in a little town about 20 minutes away from the lake house. I remember telling my parents that about it and how I was going to make an appointment to look at it. My dad got really upset because it would mean the end of our Sunday routine. So I let go of the idea of that little house and put buying a house entirely on the back burner. Never mind the fact that a year or so later, Sis2 was married and the folks left that church and our Sunday routine behind.
Anytime I change something about my appearance--try a new make-up, or in the case of my recent weight loss, updating my wardrobe to be a little closer to trendy--I catch all kind of hell about it. I get poked fun at to the point where I feel ridiculed and stupid. I know they don't mean to make me feel that way. At least I don't think they mean it to come out that way. I hope not, anyway. There was a time in my life when I would have been so ashamed that I'd have backed off of changing my appearance and reverted to "old me." But I'm TIRED of living my life to please others. I'm tired of other people shaming me or browbeating me into being who they think I am or should be. I'm tired of hiding my light under a bushel, so to speak. I've been invisible long enough. And I'm tired of folding myself up inside myself and using my friends and family as an excuse to not grow.
With that in mind, I've been seeking sources to teach me how to get outside my old routines and grow. I haven't read any self-help books yet, but I have stumbled across a couple of youtubers who give great advice. Some on how to managed debt or time management, some on improving health, and at least one who's tag-line is "Go after the life that you want.
By far, I think my favorite right now is Amy Landino of AmyTV. She is an entrepreneur and vlog boss who gives tips and tricks on how to live your life like a boss and go after the life that you want. My kickstart for the new year...my first babysteps in changing my routines and habits for a better me, come from her first video of the new year in which she gives ideas for a better morning routine.
https://youtu.be/AvX8g_CAXZM
The morning routines I'm working at making into habits are as follows:
1. Stop hitting the snooze.
My old routine was hitting the snooze three times when my alarm first goes off. I intentionally set my alarm early enough to hit the snooze three times and still have time to shower, get dressed, fed and out the door on time. Now, instead of hitting the snooze, I get up as soon as the alarm goes off. I still have it set eighteen minutes earlier than I have to to actually get out the door on time but now instead of 18 minutes to dread getting out of bed, I have eighteen minutes to do all the other new routines on my list. I've stuck to this for seven days, so far.
2. Read for fifteen minutes.
Amy said to read ten pages a morning. I don't know if I have time for ten pages but I do know that I have fifteen minutes to spare. I actually set a timer on my phone, stretch out on the chaise that my aunt gave me, and I read non-stop for fifteen minutes. I do this after I've showered and made the bed but before I get Libby up for the day. It doesn't help me read through a book very quickly but it is dedicated, uninterrupted time to spend on something I used to do nonstop. I'm not hating this. It's a nice, peaceful fifteen minutes of relaxation before the flurry of activity to get ready for work and out the door.
3. Writing in a journal.
Amy refers to this as getting some pages in, I think. She says it's important to get your thoughts out on paper before you start the day so that you can start with a clean slate. While I may not get PAGES in, I at least get a paragraph or two down. I used to journal every day, throughout the day. I'd literally have pages and pages of braindump every day but over the years I stopped. Like everything else, I let stress talk me out of it. I'll admit that I'm a little rusty at it--just like I'm rusty at writing this blog! I haven't written anything profound or even particularly interesting but I'm giving myself permission to be boring in the interest of just DOING IT. Taking that time and just putting thoughts to paper. Eventually I'll get back into the groove and while it may still be boring stuff, the hope is, it'll at least be a cathartic activity and provide a place to dump all my stress so that I don't go back to EATING my stress.
4. Drinking water.
I've been drinking water with breakfast for years now. I don't have time to sit and enjoy coffee in the mornings so I just don't even bother. Unlike a lot of people, I don't need coffee to function. I drink it because I enjoy it. So drinking water isn't something I had to add. But I have added an extra glass of water. Getting thoroughly hydrated first thing in the morning is good for the body and soul. Plus, getting that extra glass in first ting in the morning helps insure that I meet my daily ounces goal. I generally aim for 80 to 112 ounces of water a day. My morning water knocks out 40 ounces before I even get dressed!
Other things I'm doing to help improve myself, body and soul, throughout the day that weren't necessarily in Amy's video:
1. Read my Bible every day.
I know! I should have been doing this all along throughout my spiritual life but I admit I've struggled with this. I don't always understand everything in the Bible, there's a lot of difficult language, and to be quite honest, some really boring books/chapters. But in this walk with God, I'm learning that I don't always have to understand it. And I don't have to start from the beginning.
During December I challenged myself to read through the Book of Luke, one chapter each night. It was a challenge I discovered on Facebook, of all places. There are 24 chapters in Luke and every day leading up to Christmas, the challenge was to read a chapter. What better way to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas than to read from Jesus' birth clear through to his death and resurrection? It was a struggle just to remember to do it, of course, but by the end of the book, I was glad I stuck with it. Even though Luke is a book I'm familiar with, there was a lot in there that I knew but I hadn't really realized was in Luke until I read it start to finish. It really does give a full picture of Jesus' birth, life, death, and resurrection. And while I know the Jesus that lives in my heart, it was an eye opening fresh look at Jesus on a more personal level, if that makes any sense. Kind of like reading his memoir or biography.
I've gone back to read Matthew and while I'm not exactly reading a chapter a night, I am reading a little bit every night. It's good to take small bites sometimes. Easier to absorb and easier to incorporate into my daily/nightly routine. And it's good to fall asleep with Jesus on my mind instead of whatever crap there is on social media. Which brings me to my next point/goal:
2. Cutting back on time spent on social media.
Y'all. I spend WAY too much time on social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter...I have them all. I took some soul soothing measures last year to help alleviate some of the stress these platforms cause and unfollowed or blocked people who caused stress. Anyone who constantly posted political news or memes. Anyone who had an ax to grind in the name of political correctness or whatever the news drama of the week was got cut out. I just got to the point where I'd get angry or upset or carry their causes with me and it just got to be too much. My mental and emotional health doesn't have room for all of that and to be honest, it was causing a strain on some of my relationships with people because of what they put on their social media. So I kept them in my daily life where they're less likely to actually talk about all that stuff, but cut them out of my social media life. They don't know the difference, except I'm not engaging them on social media. And I post a lot less than I used to so they can just think that I'm not on there all that often. Win, win.
Even with all that, though, I just feel like I give way too much attention to social media. I've almost replaced television watching with social media scrolling. I would sit down with my phone after supper and look up and it would be bedtime. Then I'd take the phone to bed with me and scroll through some more before going to sleep. That, my friends, is not healthy. So I'm committed to giving myself a limited amount of time on the phone. I try not to mess with it at all in the mornings other than to put on a podcast or set my timer for reading. I'm only giving myself an hour in the evenings after supper. It's a struggle because it's such a deeply ingrained habit but I'm doing my best to set it back down if I pick it up out of habit.
3. Keeping on top of tidying up the house.
I'm not the best housekeeper in the world, y'all. I'm not the worst, either, but I do tend to let clutter accumulate a lot more than is good for my mental health. These days, I'm making a conscious effort to make sure clutter has a home and makes it to its home every day. I've managed to keep my desk at home clean for about three weeks, now. The dining room table has been clean for close to a month other than the week it took me to get around to putting away my Christmas decorations. I've managed to keep my bedroom uncluttered since it's massive clean back in December. I do need to vacuum but it's basically still tidy.
I just feel so much better when there isn't clutter on every surface. My mood is lighter, I don't stare at piles of papers with dread. Instead, I put them away or toss them as soon as I get them. The idea that your environment is a reflection of your mental state is entirely true for me. The messier my environment is, the messier my mental state is.
4. Doing things that I enjoy.
I'm committed to spending more of my free time doing the things that bring me joy. Crafting. Creating. Writing. Napping. Reading.
Yes, napping is on the list. Rest is so important, but more than that, I enjoy a good nap. It's just as good for my mental and spiritual health as creative endeavors are. I took a lot of naps while I was off for Christmas break and it was glorious!
I also worked on some crafting projects. I made few burlap wreaths--a new skill I taught myself recently. I stained and decorated a wooden box for Sis2. I painted a canvas to go with my nativity set at Christmas. It was a midnight sky with a big star ornament glued on top to represent the star of Bethlehem. I've got a few more projects in mind that I want to work on as I have time.
I also intend to get back to fiction writing. I've been away from it for so long that I'm not sure I even remember how, but just like everything else, I'm giving myself permission to suck at it at first. My plan is to use some of my tax return to buy a cheap little laptop--WalMart has one for a couple hundred dollars--and set aside thirty minutes in the evenings to writing. Either going back to one of my old story ideas or creating something fresh. I feel like I used to be a decent writer. Not prolific or anything...I'm no Nora Roberts...but I was okay. And I enjoyed it before life spiraled into depression, anxiety, and stress. I may never publish anything but I want to finish a book before I die.
5. Say yes to things I want to do instead of letting other people talk me out of it.
I want to take a personal enrichment course that the university offers. I want to get in the car and drive someplace new. I want to explore the idea of moving closer to town. I want to think seriously about where I want my career to go. Heck, I want to HAVE a career and not just a job.
I don't have any clear paths to most of those things but we just got the flyer for the personal enrichment courses offered this spring and once I decide which one I want to take, I'm signing up! No more putting aside things I want to do just because my mother doesn't want me driving at night.
Anyway, that's my thoughts on the new year. Getting my butt in gear, growing up, and improving the parts of myself that bug me the most.
Here's to a happy, healthy, and mindful 2019!
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