Wild Ride
So. I think I left off back in May with "The university will have news soon of phasing us back into working on campus." And, well, as of right now, I have been and will continue to work from home until at least August 2. There is a small chance that if I can ever get a particular medical form back from Mama's oncologist, I may be able to telework through the fall semester. Unfortunately, the university keeps changing it's thoughts on teleworking. At first they were like, "anyone who can telework should telework" then it was, well, fill out these forms and if your unit and HR approve it, you can telework. Now it's "you need a medical assessment form before it can be approved." Next week they may do away with it all together. Who knows!
Whatever happens, though, I am forever thankful that I work for a university that has taken care of their employees. Any confusion is, I'm sure, the result of none of us knowing what to do during a world-wide pandemic. We can't all hide in our homes forever. Life must resume on some level. Students, while causing a major concern for the health of the community, are the lifeblood of a university. Without students and classes and tuition, we don't have jobs.
There is some major concern about the upcoming fall semester. Cases are on the rise daily around here...everywhere in the states, actually. I know there has been some world-wide ridicule on how the US is handling things. I feel frustration, too. Frustration with the government, sure. But more so, my frustration is with my fellow humans. The fact that states and towns must mandate mask wearing because people can't be bothered to act with care and concern for their neighbors and community. The fact that so many use the recent civil unrest and protests as an excuse to not wear masks and/or not stay home. The fact that in 2020 a significant portion of the country's population is still so marginalized that they even HAD to march and protest.
I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I am not scared, though. Sure, it's unsettling to live in this time never knowing what will happen next with this virus and the civil unrest. But I am not afraid. God is fully at work here. And I know from personal experience that things often have to get really ugly and messy before they can even begin to get better. And God has a way of working in our lives in ways we don't understand. So I know there is a bigger picture at play here. None of this is random. Nothing that is happening or has happened is an accident. There are things playing out right now that are working together for a bigger and greater purpose. If only people would stop, take a deep breath and a slow look around...be more self-LESS and less self-ISH.
In other news, Mama is holding her own. She started chemo pills in early June and started daily radiation treatments last week. She has about five weeks left of the treatments. She has developed a terrible case of what we are calling chemobrain, though to be honest, her mind was starting to slip a while before that and we just attributed it to dehydration. Which may have actually been the biggest part, but y'all...her judgment is way off. Her short term memory is completely shot. Her long term memory is a little confused. And she is completely self-absorbed. Daddy and I will be in the middle of a conversation about something else and she'll just suddenly interrupt us and repeat things about her health and treatment that we've already discussed. She constantly repeats how she's feeling, especially if she feels bad. And she's kinda gotten a little aggressively belittling toward my dad. I tell myself that it's just the chemo and she's still actually recovering from a major surgery and the side effects to the surgery and the treatments combined aren't pleasant, so I know her thoughts are consumed with her health and discomforts. I get it, but it's very frustrating and often disheartening. I do the best I can to stay calm and patient and just let her talk. I try to keep my voice gentle when she repeats the same things multiple times. I try to remain neutral when she gets kinda ugly with Daddy. He, unfortunately, takes it all very personally and I can't say that I blame him. He's with her 90% of the time when he isn't at my granny's house helping her with things or mowing yards for me or his best friend who had a major heart attack a few weeks ago.
My sisters are oblivious to it all, of course. They did finally come for a physically distanced birthday gathering at my house for Mama back in June. We sat outside under a shade tree for a few hours and that was the first time we'd seen them since March. Well, we hadn't seen Sis1 since January and hadn't seen Emmy since Christmas. So the rest of the family hasn't really observed the diminished "mind" or the behavior changes. Sis1 calls once a month and Sis2 texts her a couple of times a week. So it's hard on both Daddy and me dealing with all this on our own. Thank God we have each other to lean on which is why I'm still praying I get to telework through the fall so that I can safely continue helping them.
Beyond all that, things are going fine. Libby turned 14 at the end of June and she is just as sassy as ever. There is a lizard living in my house but he and I have come to an understanding that he doesn't pop up in strange places and startle me. There is a frog who comes home to my carport every night and he basically ignores all my conversation. My neighbor's dogs still come to visit and they have acquired a beagle who bays eerily in the dark and scares me when I'm outside with Libby before bedtime. I have gained four pounds and a half an inch but if that's the worst I gain while home and bored for three and a half months, I think I'm doing alright. I've almost completed the big project I've been doing for work. I should have it finished by the time I go back to the office in August, if I do indeed end up having to go back. I've managed to keep the house uncluttered and mostly clean.
Since today is July 3rd, I'm off from work and I think it's about time for a nap. So, thanks for reading if you made it this far and I'm saying lots of prayers for health and safety for all.
Whatever happens, though, I am forever thankful that I work for a university that has taken care of their employees. Any confusion is, I'm sure, the result of none of us knowing what to do during a world-wide pandemic. We can't all hide in our homes forever. Life must resume on some level. Students, while causing a major concern for the health of the community, are the lifeblood of a university. Without students and classes and tuition, we don't have jobs.
There is some major concern about the upcoming fall semester. Cases are on the rise daily around here...everywhere in the states, actually. I know there has been some world-wide ridicule on how the US is handling things. I feel frustration, too. Frustration with the government, sure. But more so, my frustration is with my fellow humans. The fact that states and towns must mandate mask wearing because people can't be bothered to act with care and concern for their neighbors and community. The fact that so many use the recent civil unrest and protests as an excuse to not wear masks and/or not stay home. The fact that in 2020 a significant portion of the country's population is still so marginalized that they even HAD to march and protest.
I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I am not scared, though. Sure, it's unsettling to live in this time never knowing what will happen next with this virus and the civil unrest. But I am not afraid. God is fully at work here. And I know from personal experience that things often have to get really ugly and messy before they can even begin to get better. And God has a way of working in our lives in ways we don't understand. So I know there is a bigger picture at play here. None of this is random. Nothing that is happening or has happened is an accident. There are things playing out right now that are working together for a bigger and greater purpose. If only people would stop, take a deep breath and a slow look around...be more self-LESS and less self-ISH.
In other news, Mama is holding her own. She started chemo pills in early June and started daily radiation treatments last week. She has about five weeks left of the treatments. She has developed a terrible case of what we are calling chemobrain, though to be honest, her mind was starting to slip a while before that and we just attributed it to dehydration. Which may have actually been the biggest part, but y'all...her judgment is way off. Her short term memory is completely shot. Her long term memory is a little confused. And she is completely self-absorbed. Daddy and I will be in the middle of a conversation about something else and she'll just suddenly interrupt us and repeat things about her health and treatment that we've already discussed. She constantly repeats how she's feeling, especially if she feels bad. And she's kinda gotten a little aggressively belittling toward my dad. I tell myself that it's just the chemo and she's still actually recovering from a major surgery and the side effects to the surgery and the treatments combined aren't pleasant, so I know her thoughts are consumed with her health and discomforts. I get it, but it's very frustrating and often disheartening. I do the best I can to stay calm and patient and just let her talk. I try to keep my voice gentle when she repeats the same things multiple times. I try to remain neutral when she gets kinda ugly with Daddy. He, unfortunately, takes it all very personally and I can't say that I blame him. He's with her 90% of the time when he isn't at my granny's house helping her with things or mowing yards for me or his best friend who had a major heart attack a few weeks ago.
My sisters are oblivious to it all, of course. They did finally come for a physically distanced birthday gathering at my house for Mama back in June. We sat outside under a shade tree for a few hours and that was the first time we'd seen them since March. Well, we hadn't seen Sis1 since January and hadn't seen Emmy since Christmas. So the rest of the family hasn't really observed the diminished "mind" or the behavior changes. Sis1 calls once a month and Sis2 texts her a couple of times a week. So it's hard on both Daddy and me dealing with all this on our own. Thank God we have each other to lean on which is why I'm still praying I get to telework through the fall so that I can safely continue helping them.
Beyond all that, things are going fine. Libby turned 14 at the end of June and she is just as sassy as ever. There is a lizard living in my house but he and I have come to an understanding that he doesn't pop up in strange places and startle me. There is a frog who comes home to my carport every night and he basically ignores all my conversation. My neighbor's dogs still come to visit and they have acquired a beagle who bays eerily in the dark and scares me when I'm outside with Libby before bedtime. I have gained four pounds and a half an inch but if that's the worst I gain while home and bored for three and a half months, I think I'm doing alright. I've almost completed the big project I've been doing for work. I should have it finished by the time I go back to the office in August, if I do indeed end up having to go back. I've managed to keep the house uncluttered and mostly clean.
Since today is July 3rd, I'm off from work and I think it's about time for a nap. So, thanks for reading if you made it this far and I'm saying lots of prayers for health and safety for all.
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Aunt B