CAUTION: Woman In Progress

So, well, it's 2018. I'm not terribly optimistic about a new year. The older I get, the less enthusiastic I am, yanno? But I had a decent Christmas, not without it's usual emotional components. I have come to the conclusion that my family isn't awful...I'm just very complex when it comes to my feelins about them. And any extended, forced period of time spent with them as a large group is hard on my mental health. Not because of them, but because of me.   With that being said, here's the rundown. The Friday before Christmas, Mama and I met Sis1 and Emmy at the mall halfway between us and them and spent the day shopping and running up my credit card bill. Hobby Lobby, y'all. I bought a ton of stuff for projects I'll probably never get around to doing. haha For the first time in several years, I hosted Christmas Eve supper at my house. Not because anyone really wanted to come to my house, but because Mama felt bad when I said I might not even ...

It's been a weird, hard year. Everyone made out last year like 2016 was just the worst year ever but for me, personally, 2017 takes that award. It's just...loss and depression and all manner of things that really made life hard and weird. However, it's also been a good year. I am blessed. I still have (most of) my health, my home, my family and my Libby. I know God gives us trials to bear up under and my family and I have had our share this year but we've also had our share of blessings. And it's with that in mind that I wish you all (if anyone still checks in here) a wonderful Christmas and a stellar new year! With love from me and the devil pup!

A former office-mate who is on the library's social media committee has recently tapped me to help her with a series of "Throwback Thursdays". Basically, we find old photos of various buildings on campus in the archives photograph collection and then do a "then and now" photoshoot. It's easily one of the most fun work related things I've done in a loooooong time. It's an opportunity for some fresh air, creativity, and the opportunity to use my job in the archives for something really interesting and fun.   It can get a bit tricky, trying to align things like sidewalks or columns when they've changed over the years. But that's also where a lot of the fun lies. It really gives you a perspective of just how much the campus has changed over the years.  

I do miss writing for this blog. I feel like I'm missing documenting so much. And I miss the two or three peeps who check in with me here but I don't really want to talk about me right now. Too much in my head that I can't put to words. But here's a little dose of my Devil Pup to entertain you.

I appear to have dropped off the face of the earth for a little bit. *sigh* To be honest, with all that went on after my uncle's death, I just lost the heart for documenting much of anything. I won't go into any details here, but suffice it to say that a death in a family can bring out both the best and the worst in a family. Anyway, it's been a busy summer. Work has kept me busy, which is a good thing...mostly. I could use a few days off but I see no real respite for a while. Back in May, I was elected to serve as the staff representative for our administrative council which on paper doesn't sound all that bad--and it really isn't--it's just taking up a lot more time than I ever really thought it would. I'm grateful for the opportunity and the trust that people have in me but having already felt a little stretched thin, I'm feeling the pinch. On a potentially lighter/happier note, the person primarily responsible for most of my work misery these pas...

As I sit here at this computer, trying to remember all the things I'm supposed to be doing, I find myself unable to focus. I came back to work yesterday after several days of grief and loss and I've gone through the motions of smiling and joking and pretending to care about office politics but inside I can't help but think, is any of this really important? How can anyone really care about any of this mess when the world has shifted so suddenly? Of course the world didn't shift. Just the world I live in. The world my family lives in. Or maybe shifted isn't the right word. Knocked askew. Busted. Punched in the gut. My uncle, Randy, died a week ago today. He's my mother's brother, the third oldest of the nine children in Mama's family. He was 62 and got suddenly and violently taken out by a massive stroke that ultimately rendered him braindead. And it hurts so damn much. I can't bring myself to eulogize him right now because I'm still not read...

Two weekends ago Ethan competed in his first martial arts tournament. While he had a couple of demonstrations under his belt, (no karate pun intended), he'd never competed. Mostly because tournaments are usually expensive and many of them require some distance to travel. Fortunately, one came up that was located in my hometown and was either free to enter or had a low entry fee because Ethan got to compete. Lyssa and I waiting for the competitions to start. Y'all...I'm not even going to lie or pretend that karate tournaments are my jam because they are not. They are loud and chaotic and take forever. I am really glad that I went, though. Even though Sis2 had to emotionally blackmail me into going. haha It wasn't that I didn't want to support and cheer on our little man. I love those kids like my own--truly. But I didn't feel good that weekend and I was tired and being the hermit I am, I really wanted to stay cloistered in my home for the duration of the we...

Gosh, has it been almost a month since Lyssa's dance recital? And I say "dance" instead of "ballet" because this year, Lyssa also danced tap and jazz this year. And y'all...I CRIED during her first two performances just because she looked so grown up and mature and she did so incredibly well with all of her dances. My baby girl is growing up! Just got a text from Sis2 to say that Lyssa aced all of her exams this week. Straight A's!

I'm not having a great day. There's nothing inherently wrong with today. No one's been on me to do anything. No one's been rude. My hair looks mostly okay. My lunch was decent. I've had plenty of coffee. My boss has been pleasant. I've avoided any negative conversations. I even feel a little extra room in my pants today. For whatever reason, though, today is just one of those days where I am just not enjoying life. It's hard to describe what I feel like to day. I don't feel bad, per se. I just don't feel good. I don't feel unhappy, I just don't feel happy. I don't feel tired, I just don't feel awake. I don't feel depressed, I just don't feel not depressed. Everything just feels meh. To compliment all this meh-ness, everything and everyone, no matter how pleasant or playful or thoughtful has just gotten on my nerves. For instance, the other supervisor from my department came into the lounge at lunch while I was in there and...

Cat-FISH, that is. So I had an awesome Easter weekend. The library was closed for Good Friday, so, hello three day weekend! I slept in Friday morning, cooked a nice omelet for breakfast, took my time drinking a nice big hot cup of coffee and snuggled that fluffy devilish pup of mine. It was so nice. Sis1 rolled into town around 10 and she, Mama and I spent the day together window shopping and hanging out. We ate bbq at Sis1's favorite place and got frappacino's at Starbucks and went into every little boutique on Main Street. We went antiquing and I spent my birthday money on a set of vintage glass bowls and fell in love with a coffee table that had an antique trunk lid for the top. I walked away from it though, because, hello...$50, but it hurt to leave it at the store. Like, physically hurt. But, you know, responsibilities and all that. Off topic: I'm currently in the midst of putting up every penny I can in hopes of saving enough money for a new roof next year. Actual...

Last Saturday I did something I don't normally do on weekends unless under duress...I went out into the world and participated in life. Efan's been taking martial arts classes for the past year and Saturday was his first demo. It took place at the international fiesta that the university sponsors each spring. I've only been to the international fiesta once, many many moons ago when Emmy was a wee girl. Back then it was kinda boring. Not much going on and not much to do. It has grown a lot over the years, though I never really cared because I'm a reclusive deeply introverted hermit who relies on her Saturdays for recharging. BUT, this past Saturday I dug myself out of my pjs and texted Sis2 for deets and we ended up not only going to the fiesta together, but we also went to the veterinary school's open house...yet another event I wouldn't normally attend. Goofus was out of town taking care of his mom who recently had two kidney stones crushed and a temporary ...