CAUTION: Woman In Progress

Couldn't resist sharing this. I'm so glad Mama caught this moment Sunday of Daddy explaining something to me. It's a regular occurrence. Haha

It's officially official. I am one of those bloggers. You know the type. The ones who rarely ever post? That's me now. And I never thought I'd be that way. I loved blogging for the longest time. Even when I didn't really have much to say, I had a deep urge to share a thought or two every single day. Now, even when I have time--which I rarely do--I just don't have a whole lot I want to share. I no longer have the heart for it. I can't really talk about work problems because, duh. I'd like to keep my job. And work problems seem to take up so much head space. And I've decided to stop posting photos of the kids due to a minor freak out I had last week when I checked my stats and one of the referral links was from a BDSM website. I've since discovered that it wasn't an actual link referral but more of a scam type referral. I researched the hell out of it to make sure nobody on a porn site was actually linking to my blog where all my precious babies...

Do people even say that anymore? 411? As in, "Give me the 411?" As in, "What's going on?/What's happening?/etc. And also, the other day I asked a co-worker if anyone had given her the "down low" on a situation and as soon as it was out of my mouth I internally cringed because a) nobody says "down low" anymore and b) that was a totally incorrect usage. (Down low=quiet/secret) I basically asked my coworker had anyone given her the "quiet" or "secret" on the situation when what I meant to ask was had anyone filled her in on the situation. Awkward! Party of me! But because she's the bomb-diggity she didn't even correct me. Anyway, so the 411 is this: Yesterday was so crazy that I didn't even have a moment to log into my computer at work until about 15 minutes before I left and only then to check my email. Today I didn't get to sit down at my desk until after lunch. Then I just kinda had a brain melt in...

So you may recall back in November I had to have my septic tank pumped. He mentioned then that I appeared to have field line issues. Two weeks later, shtuff started backing up in my yard at the tank.  It took me two and a half months to get someone out to fix things. But I finally have a properly functioning septic system!!     My field lines had to be entirely replaced. And it was not cheap. Thankfully, I had just gotten my tax return money in...of which it used the entire lot. Mildly depressing but also a blessing. Because I had enough money without having to take out a loan. The Lord supplies!! At some point I'll need to haul some dirt in to better cover the water logged area but that's another problem for another day. 

So, today I woke up with a killer headache. All from stress, frustration, and exhaustion, I know. It woke me up at 2am and I had a complete breakdown. Tears. Prayers. Sobbing. Not because of the headache but because of all that caused the headache.  I am overwhelmed. Still. But yesterday...yesterday was just a boiling point situation and I guess I just had a complete breakdown of my spirit and mental and emotional health. I cried and prayed until my alarm went off and then I emailed work and took the day off. If I had gone to work I wouldn't have been good for anyone and would have only exacerbated the problems I am having.  I napped on the couch for a bit, watched crappy daytime tv and then dragged myself up to take Libs to get her nails clipped and then we on to town for lunch. Is it sad that Libs is so used to the drive thru that she no longer barks at the people in the window? Anyway, by the time we got back home I felt energized in a way I haven't in a loooong time. Which...

Libby and I love you!!!

I don't think anyone has ever really known just how dark and lonely and utterly broken I've felt throughout my life. I slap on a happy smile, toss out a quick joke and occasionally get in a bad mood but I've never talked to anyone about the darkness or the just how unloved and unlovable I have felt throughout my life. Partly because I was ashamed that I felt that way. I didn't want anyone to ever know just how badly I wanted a husband or just how broken hearted I was that I didn't have that baby and that perfect family life I wanted. I didn't want anyone to ever realize how truly alone I felt or how hard it was to be happy for everyone else. I faked my way through a lot of events and a lot of just everyday life because I didn't want anyone's pity. I needed that brave face, that tough single girl attitude, the "I don't need no man" façade because it protected me. No one knows how many nights I sat alone in my bed and sobbed out my heart...

As I'm sure you can tell by all the crickets chirping on here lately, life took a nosedive into crazytown for the past couple weeks. Work got INSANE. Heck, I got insane. Well, more insane than usual, anyway. And the overwhelming nature of it all dipped me back into a bit of depression. Not the "I want to kill myself" variety but the "I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything" variety that is just as miserable but a lot less dangerous to myself. Did not bode well for Sis1's birthday party last Saturday, though. Pretty sure I should have just called in sick on that one and stayed home. But noooooo, instead, I volunteered to make the dang cheesecake! What the actual crap is wrong with me? I wish I know. That insane people pleasing gene that always seems to get me into situations that make me miserable. But the cheesecake was delicious if nothing else. So there's that. Anyway, right now I'm in near sitting at my desk crying mode because I ...

They misspelled "morning" but, yeah. 

I started this post yesterday but, eh. Life.   Libby still likes to check out the goods that Mama brings home from town. She has done this since she was a wee babe. Grocery time is exciting times in Libby-land. Food!    Of course, when I facebooked this photo, one of my cousins commented about how all he saw was crab cakes, bacon and frozen pizza and that didn't look like groceries to him. Well, I hate to tell him, but bacon isn't just groceries...it's LIFE. And also, I'm in a no-cook zone these days. Me and my kitchen are on a break. It's convenience food all the way. With some random veggies in there somewhere. Kale, even. Promise. Besides, those crab cakes are delishus! (intentional misspelling, ya'll. I haven't gone that crazy yet. And sad that I feel the need to explain that.)     My one impulse purchase from my Saturday morning shopping trip...Minion socks. They were on clearance for a buck and a quarter. How could I pass that up...

Saturday on the way to town.  Sunday while walking Libby around the yard. 

I got home from work Wednesday just in time to catch the sunset as it slowly sank into the bushes.

I took a lot of photos in December that had nearly nothing to do with Christmas and most of them got Instagrammed. Some of them Facebooked, too but I tend to put more on Instagram, photowise, because I have less family following there and the followers I do have are as silly and into dogs and random crap as I am. :-D   One thing I've realized, though, is that since I have Instagram, I don't share as much HERE. And I should because this blog was my first love. So here day is. The best of December Instagrammed.   Okay, so this one never actually made it to Instagram but It's still cute. My wittle baby Devil Pup and her love for my feet/legs is infinite, real, and deep.      The kids came home with us one random Friday night and we had to stop at Dollar General to pick up rootbeer because Nana had forgotten it earlier. These kids love rootbeer. They also love making silly selfies with their Aunt Jana while waiting in the parking lot for Nana. ...