CAUTION: Woman In Progress

Oh the inhumanity that is being poor. June is going to be a wicked month for buying books. There's new releases by several of my favorite authors. The newest Melissa Senate, Questions to Ask Before Marrying , the newest "Real Vampires" novel from Gerry Bartlett, Real Vampires Get Lucky , I think there's even a new Judy Baer coming out in June. It's just SO hard to try and decide which one to buy this month and which one to buy later. Gone are the days when I can buy whichever ones I want. *sigh* Of course, I think I took the decision out of my own hands when I got so excited when I saw that Real Vampires Get Lucky was available for pre-order and Amazon and went ahead and ordered it. My bad. hehehehe I just couldn't stand the wait, though. I love Glory St. Claire and Gerry's spin on vampires. Vampire comedy, I think she calls it. I love it. Right now I'm in the midst of reading Maggie Shayne's Lover's Bite . It's slow going not because it ...

Or at least it felt that way Saturday. You know, it sucks, too because every weekend for the past two months has just been great. Well, when it wasn't raining, it was great. Nice and warm but not hot. Breezy. Low humidity. The weekend I have to move? The humidity is so thick you can feel it coating your skin like a cloak of death. Yuck! And it was hot. No breezy here, thankyouverymuch. But despite the miserable humidity, move I did. It took three loads of an enclosed trailer, two pick-ups and the folded down back of my sister's Expedition AND my mother's car (and mine for one trip) but we finally got me moved into my new apartment. Well, mostly moved. There are still some odds and ends left at the house that I have to go get. Hopefully it won't take too long and more than a couple of trips to get it to the apartment. Then I have to clean the house for the landlord's inspection. That shouldn't take too long, though, since it's basically clean anyway. Vacuum, ...

No, I'm not resorting to recreational drugs. I literally cracked my head last night. At least it felt cracked. It's really just a perty little goose egg on the center of my forehead. And actually, it's not even really all that noticeable...until I forget about it and go to rub my head or, as happened last night when I went to bed, throw my arm over my eyes and smack the devil out of the bruise. *sigh* I blame the devil pup. If she hadn't crawled under the table to chew whatever it was she was chewing, I wouldn't have smacked my head on the corner of back of that dining chair. LOL Gosh, I felt so stupid though. I mean, honestly, did I think the chair was going to jump out of the way when I lunged for it? Or has my sense of depth perception really gotten that off cause I swear I thought I was nowhere near that chair when I rushed downwards to try and steal whatever it was she was chewing on during the brief second she spit it out. Or course, she scored. While I was tr...

No, I'm not talkin' 'bout the M. Night Shamaylan movie. I'm talkin' 'bout life, ya'll. Life as in, finding indications that God is still with me and in every move down this path of my life and everything that is in it. You know, I seek signs from God everywhere and in everything. I'm always on the lookout for Him. I know He's there but I seem to always be seeking Him. Sometimes, when I least expect it, He gives me the little signs I seek. Yesterday Mama and I took off work to go work on the apartment. You know, usually when you move into an apartment it's supposed to already be clean. The lease says so. My apartment, however, wasn't. It was a filthy disgusting mess. Something I didn't notice until AFTER I'd signed the lease and turned over most of my life savings for deposit and first month's rent. That's one of the hazards of viewing an apartment when the electricity has been shut off, the owner is following you around and yo...

Oy vey, this weekend has just been an emotional roller coaster. I hate being the way I am. A weepy, unsettled mess. It isn't any wonder that I'm not married. Who'd want to put up with me? lol This whole moving thing has been harder than I thought it would be. As ready as I was to get out of that hole, it's just been very emotional. Not just the whole stress of moving, worrying about money, etc, but leaving the actual house, property, etc. It hasn't been an easy life, living there, by any means. But there were a lot a good things I loved about it. A lot of pluses that probably kept me there a lot longer than I should have stayed. And there were a lot of memories in that house. For all the things that were wrong with it, it was my home. My haven. And my heart is taking a toll at the thought of leaving it behind. It's seven years worth of home I'm leaving. I swear, I wasn't this emotional when I left my parents house! lol But it's just been such a mess....

So I signed the lease on the apartment last night. Handed over most of my life savings in deposit and first month's rent. I nearly threw up. *sigh* Then my mom and I went and got my sister and went to look at it again. It's really funny the things to you don't notice at first. Especially when you've got the property owner following you around. The fridge is a disaster. The oven is ancient. Very little about the place looked the way I remembered it. *sigh* Needless to say, when I got home last night I was in a dither about it all. Regretful, near tears. And then landlord called to say I'd stiffed him $40. lol He'd asked for cash and two twenties got stuck in the envelope I'd had it in and I didn't notice it. So I've got to get him that. But while I was on the phone with him I asked him about the fridge. He said he'd either repair or replace it. I'm seriously hoping he replaces it. I did okay after I talked to him. Went about making the sausage...

I'm a worrier by nature. No, I'm worse. I'm a suspicious worrier. I don't trust many people, especially people I don't know. I'm always on the look out to be screwed over. That's why I'm hedging on turning over a signed lease to the man who might become my landlord. He wanted me to meet him on my lunch hour to take care of the lease and deposit on the duplex I'd be renting from him and then he didn't show. So now I've got a knot in my stomach, a bad taste in my mouth and a butt load of suspicion. You know, generally people try to be where they say they'll be when there's a chunk of money involved. Now I'm worried that I'm making the wrong choice. That this place isn't MY place. The place the Father has for me. I'm always looking for "signs" when I have big decisions to make. Which is good because it means I'm always seeking His will. But is bad because I haven't yet learned what are signs from Him and...

So I'm going this afternoon to put an application in at a properties management office. The same one that owns the duplex's where my sister moved to. They're not fancy but they're nice, clean and Sis2 says the neighborhood is quiet. It's a little pricier than I'd like to pay for rent---especially since they charge an extra $20 a month for pets--but I think it'll be worth it. I know it will. I am not guaranteed an apartment right away but they said there is a possibility of an opening later this month. And if that doesn't pan out, they've got some coming available at the end of June. I'd rather move at the end of this month than in the heat of June but I'll take what I can get. And if this doesn't work out at all, I'll be okay with it. I KNOW there's a place for me. Someplace just right. I just have to be patient and keep the faith. I know in my heart that the Lord is telling me to move. If He's telling me to move, He's go...

Seems that's the name of the game, these days. I'm in turmoil because for once I desperately want some things to change in my life and they don't seem to be changing the way I want them to (or as quickly as I'd like). And there are things I want to do but I don't know how or am not equipped to do them. I want to simplify my life so badly but in the simplification, things are becoming so much more complicated. It's driving me nuts! You know, I don't ask for a lot out of life. I have my family who I love, a dog I adore and enough friends to keep me from being terribly lonely. All I require after that is food on the table, clothes on my back and a sufficient roof over my head. And maybe a little less worry. That's the biggy. I'd love to not have to worry. Worry about money, worry about my family's various situations. Worry that I'm not doing all that I'm supposed to. I think that's the biggest worry. I mean, I know from past experience t...

It's scary times in Janaland these days. I'm fearful and fretful about a few things that I'm facing. Not really knowing how to tackle them has been very hard on me. I can't eat, I can't sleep. My every thought is consumed with worry. So I'm clinging to a verse He showed to me last week. "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4 It's this truth alone that's keeping me from completely falling apart. Without Him, I'd be a total wreck right now. Well, more so than I already am, at the moment. As I said--I can't eat and can't sleep and you know if Jana ain't eatin' it's gotta be bad. At least, bad to my mind. And He's delivering me, I know it. I just have to be trusting and patient to wait for the moment when it happens. He knows, better than me, what road best lays ahead for me. I feel like I'm searching in all the wrong places and He's just WAITING for me to open my...

So I spent three days and two nights with my folks this weekend. Why? Well, there was a mouse in my house, of course. Or mice. As it turns out there were two. Or, at least that's how many wandered onto the traps I'd set. I no likie the little rodents (deathly phobic about them, actually) so I got the hell out of Dodge. And you know, since I'm deathly phobic about them, I worried and prayed and near about made myself sick thinking about it. The fact that I'd been cohabitating with one of the three things I just can NOT stand to think about cohabitating with (snakes and whiney men being the other two) nearly drove me crazy. Still does, to a point. Especially after last night when I finally made myself go home and cleaned up the place. My dad had been by Saturday to check the traps and he's the one who had the honor of removing them from my home. But I had to clean up the aftermath. You know, mice aren't discriminate about where they defecate or urinate. Ugh!! Anyw...

It's pretty bad when the only dream you really remember having was about a frozen coffee drink. lol But yeah, that was me last night. I dreamed I went to the Einstein's here at the library and ordered a frozen cafe caramel. They were minutes away from closing and yet it took them forever to make it. In the meantime, I had to leave so my mother was going to pick up my drink for me and bring it home. When she got there with it, it was disgusting. They hadn't ground the ice at all. it was in these big round chunks with coffee instead of the frozen blend. It had chocolate instead of caramel and the whipped cream was melted. To top it off, while I was ranting about how disgusted I was, my mother sprinkled a packet of Splenda on it and I went on a tear with her about that and actually tried to scoop the Splenda out. Fruitless endeavor. I think I even cried I was so upset and angry. Never mess with Jana when it comes to her frozen treats. Not even when she's dreaming.

After a seven week absence, Sis1 and Emmy (and BIL) decided to finally come back to MS for a visit. They hadn't been home since about two weeks before Easter so they were LONG overdue. I skipped out on Friday night supper and opted instead to enjoy a frozen pizza and Ghost Whisperer from the comfort of own couch. The folks' house was going to be full anyway with both my sisters' families and love 'em and all but my nerves can't take too much, yanno. Emmy dressed for fishing. But Saturday, Sis2 left Lyssa with Mama and Emmy went fishing and palling around with Daddy (the BIL's spent time with their respective parental units) so us sisters had us a girl's day. We didn't hook up until around 11:30 or so, though, because the sisters are slow movin' turtles. Me, I'd been up since 6:30, went to town and bought groceries and STILL had time to come home and wait for them. It was all good, though, cause we went to lunch first. I hadn't been to App...

Would that life was like signing into Blogger. Each time you sign in to comment to somone's blog (if you aren't already signed in) you get to choose who you want to be. Wouldn't it be great if each time you stepped out of your home , walked into a building or met someone new, you could choose your identity? Whether it be the same old you, someone anonymous or someone entirely different. You could just be whoever you wanted to be anytime you wanted. 'Cause sometimes it totally sucks to be who you are. Ya know?

Oy vey, has it been a weird week. It feels like it should be next Thursday by now. We've had an influx of patrons this week. For some reason college students still think it wise to wait until the last second to do research and write papers. I'd like to bang their heads together. Not only does such behavior cause THEM undue stress and possibly a poorly written paper, but it also causes US a lot of undue stress. All these students coming in from the SAME CLASS needing to do research RIGHTNOW dangit! Which means Jana and her colleagues have all been run ragged this week and most of last week. Added on top of the running ragged, the a/c in our reading room decided it was still winter outside and instead of cool crisp comfortable air, it's been pumping out HEAT for the past week. Meaning it's been 80 degrees in our reading room while we're running ourselves ragged. Argh! I can has nap? Pweeze? We've still been hunting for Sis2 and her crew an apartment and we think w...

Hey, I meant to leave this earlier this week but my brain has been on the fritz. The muse has commandeered any free time I've had. But, I have excellent news to share. My granddad, the one with the brain tumor, had an appointment with his oncologist earlier this week. They discovered that the cancer is almost entirely gone. He's got a spot the size of a pencil eraser that they feel confident should disappear once he's complete chemo. He's been doing really well with his treatments, too. His radiation ended the first week of April, I think, and he's been taking chemo pills. He hasn't really experienced a lot of the usual symptoms. He was already bald, so he didn't lose his hair! lol But the nausea and stuff he hasn't had that much of. He feels well enough that he's invited several of us to go eat tonight at his favorite seafood joint. I can't go because they're leaving at 4 and I don't get off till 4 but he's promised to take me out la...

From the Barnes and Noble Synopsis: Readers fell in love with Cannie Shapiro, the smart, sharp-tongued, bighearted heroine of Good in Bed who found her happy ending after her mother came out of the closet, her father fell out of her life, and her ex-boyfriend started chronicling their ex-sex life in the pages of a national magazine. Now Cannie's back. After her debut novel -- a fictionalized (and highly sexualized) version of her life -- became an overnight bestseller, she dropped out of the public eye and turned to writing science fiction under a pseudonym. She's happily married to the tall, charming diet doctor Peter Krushelevansky and has settled into a life that she finds wonderfully predictable -- knitting in the front row of her daughter Joy's drama rehearsals, volunteering at the library, and taking over-forty yoga classes with her best friend Samantha. As preparations for Joy's bat mitzvah begin, everything seems right in Cannie's world. Then Joy discovers t...

Packing is HARD work. That's what I've been doing for the past couple of days. Trekked over to the Delta to help Sis2 start packing some stuff up. We got several boxes packed up and moved to my house but it didn't even put a dent in all that needs packing. When we packed as much as would fit in my car, we started cleaning. Didn't get terribly far with that, either. But since Lyssa is cutting a tooth and was terribly irritable, we're lucky we got anything done. I'd have stayed and helped longer but I had to come back to work and Sis2 had to take Lyssa to her eight month check-up anyway. Can you believe that she's eight months old already? It seems that just last week she was all tiny and sweet. Now she's growing tall and strong, cutting teeth and stuff. *sigh* Time sure does fly, don't it? She's a sweetheart, though, even irritable. I miss her terribly and I only just left her last night. We danced together, played blocks together. Snuggled. She ...

Last night whenever they would show previews of the all new Ghost Hunters, I'd close my eyes or look away. It was supposed to be some really awesome evidence and I didn't need no stinkin' spoilers, thankyouverymuch. Turns out it was some wicked AWESOME evidence. To me and apparently them, anyway. A ghost that not only responded to their yes or no questions but also turned a flashlight on when they asked it too. BUT, the ghosties musta only liked Jay and Grant (and let's face it, I'd stand on my head and sing Yanky Doodle for Grant) because they didn't really come out and play with the other investigators. Okay, so a little bit with Steve and Tango (who needs to ditch the hat, dude.) but not much more than walking past the EMF reader. And you know, I think it's kinda funny that in each episode they show the clips explaining what EMF readers are and what they're used for and what EVP is and how that works. I suppose it's useful if you're just now t...

I started re-reading Jennifer Weiner's Good In Bed last night in anticipation of her newest release (today!) of Certain Girls . It's a sequel to Good In Bed and since it's been a few years since I read GIB, I thought I might need to reacquaint myself with it so that I won't be lost when reading Certain Girls . Smart, no? I'd forgotten how much I loved GIB--how much I identified with it. In case you're unfamiliar, Cannie Shapiro is a "big girl" who's just broken up with her boyfriend of three years who in turns writes an article about "Loving a Larger Woman." Chaos ensues. Or something similar. Cannie reflects on her life (the father who verbally abused her, mostly) and it's amazing how similar a lot of her thoughts and feelings are to mine. Scary, actually. Anyway, besides the deeper issues of being a "big girl" it's funny, sweet and a little sexy at times. I'm halfway through it and hope to finish it tonight...